


Charmed

by thiccennugget



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Accidental Omorashi, Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Consensual Underage Sex, Eventual Smut, F slur, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Speech Disorders, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-01-04 06:12:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 47,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12163110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiccennugget/pseuds/thiccennugget
Summary: Growing up is hard; growing up as an angsty gay wizard is harder.





	1. Chapter 1

Phil's tiny form was weighed down by his trunk and a cage holding a tiny, fuzzy black kitten with amber eyes. He was small, even for an eleven year old, and he had messy black hair that stuck up all over his head and large, inquisitive eyes behind chunky, thick-framed square glasses that made his pale face look even more wan.

He hugged his mum Katherine tightly as the train whistle sounded, indicating that it would be pulling out in five minutes. He wet his chapped lips as she ushered him onto the train, murmuring a constant stream of reassurance interspersed with reminders to write. He nodded mutely, too anxious to talk, and gave her a little wave before setting off down the train looking for a compartment.

Dan tapped his foot, a bit anxious but mostly just feeling awkward and uncomfortable. He puffed his cheeks full of air, holding it like that. Did this girl ever shut up? He had gotten stuck in a compartment with a first year like him named Cat, with mousy brown hair and an inability to contain her excitement, apparently, and he didn't ask for this. She clearly didn't know how to take a hint.

As she babbled on about how she was going to decorate her bed and where she got her kitten and what not, Dan's eyes roamed to the compartment door. Through the glass he spotted a nervous looking boy with black hair and striking features. He grinned. They locked eyes, and Dan raised his eyebrows, rolling his and motioning at the girl who was sitting far too close to him.

Phil took a moment to understand the boy's predicament but when he did he opened the compartment door and stepped inside, giving the girl a rather pointed look and seeing her pout, looking disappointed. He sat down on the boy's other side, looking him over. He had straight, overlong chestnut hair--the kind that Katherine would have said needed to be introduced to a pair of scissors--and caramel eyes that danced merrily.

"Hi," Phil said rather awkwardly, glancing between the two and stifling a laugh at how obviously put out the girl was.

Dan had to hold back a snort. "Hello." He glanced at Cat, and back at him. "I, er... sorry, I know I said I'd sit with you..." he trailed off, trying to think of something else to say, hoping the boy would catch on and help him out.

Phil nodded, understanding. "Yeah, who's this?" He asked quietly, looking at Cat again.

She was worrying her lip between her teeth and she stood up abruptly. "Sorry, I'll um... I'll go," she mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ear and flouncing out.

Dan burst into laughter as soon as the door slid shut behind her, his dimples popping out against his rosy cheeks. "That was brilliant," he got out when he felt like he could speak again. He brushed his hair out of his face, smiling at the boy, eyes twinkling. "I'm Daniel... but please don't call me that. That's just what mum told me to introduce myself as..." He realized he was rambling and bit his lip, holding out his hand for the other boy to shake. "You are?"

Phil huffed a little laugh, running his hand through his hair in an effort to smooth it and only making it stick up even more. "Phil," he replied, taking Dan's hand and squeezing gently before he withdrew. He pushed his glasses up his sharp nose only to have them immediately slide back down.

Dan flashed him another grin. "You're first year, right? Me too. I suppose I'm excited... more nervous, though. What house do you think you'll get? What house do you want...?" Dan coughed, blushing darkly at the fact he had started rambling again. "Sorry..."

"I don't really have a preference, honestly," Phil said with a shrug. "I kind of want Ravenclaw but I don't know if I'm smart enough." He sighed a bit and shut his eyes as the train started moving, his heart already aching with homesickness. "What about you?" He asked after a moment, realising he hadn't asked.

Dan chewed on his lip, shrugging. His whole family was Slytherin, but he didn't exactly know what he wanted... "I don't know. I like to think I'm brave... but I'm probably not." He shrugged again, glancing at Phil's face. He didn't want to say he was most likely a Slytherin... he didn't want to admit it to himself _or_ Phil.

Phil nodded thoughtfully. "I think all the houses have good and bad in them," he replied after a moment. He winced when he lisped a bit on the word houses and hoped Dan hadn't noticed. He usually avoided words with 's' sounds in them but Dan's rambling was rubbing off on him, making him want to talk.

Dan nodded, searching his face. "Yeah... I suppose." He had noticed the lisp but chose not to comment. He didn't want to mess up his first possible friendship. "What animal do you have?"

Phil's face lit up and he opened the cage, letting the little kitten step out. She stretched out her long limbs, yawning, and Phil scooped her up, setting her in his lap.

"Her name is Ash," he said, fondly scratching behind her ears. He'd found her near the end of July, tiny and malnourished with a docked tail, in the streets and he'd bottle fed her til she regained her strength and was old enough to eat hard food.

Dan's eyes widened and his grin did too. He leaned over a bit to look at her, his hand going out but pausing, hovering over her. "Can I pet her...?" He met Phil's eyes.

Phil nodded, almost automatically saying 'of course' before he realised that would make him lisp rather impressively. "Definitely," he confirmed.

Dan pressed his lips together, still smiling, and gently patted her head. Ash let out a tiny squeak, and Dan laughed. "She's adorable..." He gently stroked her small little body. "I wanted a cat, but my parents only let me get an owl, but it's alright. I love her just as much."

He motioned towards his own round cage, a large eagle owl sitting inside, blinking at them with black eyes. She tilted her head, and lifted her wing to scratch behind it with her beak. "Her name's Abi."

Phil was rather awed by her, and he pointed out, "well, it's pretty cool that she can deliver letters. I-I found Ash when she was really sm--little, and I raised her from a kitten."

"That's so sweet..." Dan pursed his lips. "I bought Abi. Mum would never let me bring home an animal from the street..." he realized that sounded prissy and quickly backtracked. "I mean, that's not odd or anything-! It's nice, she just... she doesn't like dirt and she thinks diseases are everywhere..."

Phil scooped Ash up and placed her on his chest, hunching a bit so she had a flatter surface to curl up, right over his heart. "Ash isn't diseased," he mumbled, feeling mildly defensive of her. "She's perfect. And I got her shots and everything."

Dan frowned, confused. "Shots...?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah like... vaccinations?" Phil said with a wince as he tripped over the word and lisped noticeably. "They keep her from getting ill," he explained.

Dan nodded slowly, still frowning. "I've always just done that with magic. Or just bought an animal who was already healthy..." He blushed. "Not that I'm judging."

"Yeah..." Phil mumbled, focusing more on Ash than Dan. "So your parents are both magical then?" He asked curiously after a few minutes of comfortable silence, glancing over.

Dan nodded, leaning back in his seat, his hands resting on the back of his neck. "Yes. So is... everyone else in my family. We've always married pure." He blushed even more at how that sounded. "I mean... I have n-nothing against muggles or..." he trailed off, gnawing on his lip. "What about you...?"

"My mum's a muggle, dad was a wizard but... he left before I was born so..." He'd been over it for a long time; he didn't feel any connection to his father so it didn't hurt that he'd abandoned him--or at least, that's what he told himself.

Dan nodded, licking his lips. How was he supposed to respond to that without seeming too insensitive or pitying...? He stared at his hands. "Do you think you'll make friends easily?" He glanced out the window at the passing scenery, and the rain that was now pelting the glass.

Phil laughed softly and shook his head, his hair falling over his face before he pushed it back carelessly. "No, people don't usually like me," he said honestly. "I'm too weird."

Dan pursed his lips, one side of his lips quirking up. "I don't think you're weird," he mumbled. He offered him a smile. "And... I'll be your friend."

Phil beamed, face lighting up, his eyes sparkling behind his glasses. "You w-will?" He asked, hardly daring to hope, not even noticing his stutter.

Dan smile widened. "Yeah! Why not?" He pushed his hair back, and held his pinkie out tentatively. "Wanna make a promise...? That we'll talk, no matter what house we get?"

Phil interlocked their fingers, still smiling gratefully. "Promise," he said softly, bouncing slightly in his seat from excitement. "Maybe we'll get the same house!" He added, grinning.

Dan beamed back. "I hope so. Then I wouldn't feel so alone... it'd be less scary."

Phil nodded solemnly. "We'll stick together." He fell asleep shortly after that, the gentle rocking of the train lulling him, and he subconsciously pressed a bit closer to Dan, his head leaning on his shoulder.

Dan smiled, glancing down at him. He was grateful to have a friend, he felt like he could relax a bit now. He brushed some of Phil's dark hair out of his eyes, and let his head fall back against the seat and his breathing slow as he dozed off as well.

Phil blinked awake when the train lurched to a stop, yawning and carefully placing Ash back into her cage, where she promptly curled up and fell asleep again. "Dan?" Phil gently poked his arm and smiled when he started to wake up too. "We're here."

Dan nodded and yawned, stretching his arms above his head. "Okay." He turned to Abi, mumbling some encouragement as a sort of pep-talk, half for himself and half to hopefully make Phil laugh. "We can do this, girl. Keep it together."

Phil giggled softly, picking up Ash's cage. A girl a few years older than them with blond curly hair tipped in pink poked her head into the compartment. Phil noticed a shiny badge with an embossed 'P' on her chest. "You boys can leave your things on the train, they'll be brought in and put in your rooms when you're sorted. She looked pointedly to where Phil was clutching Ash's cage and said in a gentle but firm tone, "that includes pets. Come on, first years onto the boats."

Dan squeezed Phil's arm as a sort of reassurance when his head drooped because he had to give up Ash. "It's alright. She'll be safe." He gave Abi a good scratch behind the ear before pausing in the doorway, waiting for Phil. When he didn't move, Dan tugged at his sleeve. "Come _on_."

Phil blushed and nodded, following Dan, hesitating before grabbing his hand so he wouldn't lose him in the crowd. They approached an enormous wizard, at least twice the height of even the oldest students which meant Phil barely came up to his knees and Dan only reached about mid thigh. Phil looked up at him in wide-eyed astonishment as he yelled over the crowd, "firs' years follow me."

Dan squeezed his hand, giggling, noticing his surprise. "He's big," he whispered, leaning closer. He pinched Phil's side teasingly. "And you're  _really_ small."

Phil pouted before he realised Dan was joking and tried to push away the rather nettled feeling. "Shut up," he mumbled, bumping their shoulders together firmly.

Dan laughed again. "Alright." He flicked some hair out of Phil's eyes as they approached the boats that would take them across the glassy surface of the lake. There were already two boys sitting on the wooden bench, one with curly hair and one with shaggy and straight. One of them seemed to be teasing the other in a loud voice. "I can't _believe_ you fell! It was two steps, mate, get your shit together!"

Dan stepped into the boat and Phil followed more timidly, holding onto Dan's hand tightly for fear he'd lose his balance--he was very clumsy and didn't want to be subject to the same merciless teasing the curly-haired boy was enduring.

The two boys looked up as they sat down. The first one, the one who had been heckling the other, beamed, holding his hand out. "Hi! I'm Chris and I'm a Slytherin." Dan shook his hand slowly, a bit startled by his loud and open manner.

Phil was surprised and curious. "How do you know you're a..." Phil broke off, trying desperately to think of a way to phrase it without lisping. "We haven't been put into our houses yet."

Chris's grin only got wider. "I don't have to be sorted to know," he explained matter-of-factly. He pointed at the other boy. "This is PJ. He doesn't talk much." PJ waved.

Phil smiled, immediately taking a liking to PJ. "I'm Phil," he replied, adjusting his rather oversized robes, his mother's words echoing in his head--'you'll grow into them'. Well, maybe he would, but as it was they dragged on the ground and hung on him loosely.

PJ smiled, reaching out to shake his hand. Dan noticed Chris looking at them warily, and snorted to himself, covering his mouth with his hand. Chris glared at him.

Phil squeezed his hand warmly and gasped when the boats started suddenly gliding forward as if they were one entity, drawn irresistibly toward the castle.

Dan giggled when he heard the sharp intake of breath, but didn't say anything. He stared across the water at the school, glowing with lights from the windows, nerves and excitement bubbling in his stomach until it was a semi-pleasant blur.

Phil grabbed Dan's hand again, biting his lip and rocking subtly back and forth to soothe himself. About ten minutes later the boats all bumped up against the shore and students started stepping out, showing every range of emotion from excited to petrified. As soon as Phil stepped onto the shore he was jerked back by a tall, dark-haired girl stepping on his robes.

He immediately felt more anxious and he saw mud on the hem of them. Hagrid saw what had happened and made his way over, grabbing the neck of Phil's robes and lifting him as if he weighed no more than a kitten. "Come on, lad," he muttered gruffly, toting him inside.

Dan followed after quickly, not wanting to lose him, trying not to snicker at the sight. He was soon distracted, however, as they approached the huge castle.

Phil glared at Dan when he heard a burst of laughter and was relieved when Hagrid set him down in the entryway. An imposing woman stood before them with glasses perched on the end of her nose and her greying hair tucked back into a tight bun.

"First year students follow me," she called, and spun on her heel, walking briskly down one of the large echoing corridors and to a heavy oak door, opening it and ushering them all into a small chamber to prepare for the ceremony. She explained the sorting briefly, and then placed them into alphabetical order by last name; Phil was pleased when he ended up beside PJ.

Then McGonagall led them out into the enormous Great Hall, in front of hundreds of other students. The sorting hat sat on a small wooden stool in front of the staff table under the flickering light of a thousand floating candles.

Dan played with his fingers nervously as names started being called. He realized he would be the first one sorted out of him and Phil, Chris, and PJ, and tensed even more. He glanced at Phil even though he was far away, but the boy wasn't looking at him. He took a shaky breath as he awaited the inevitable.

He flinched when his name was called (a bit extra when they called him Daniel), and stepped up to the stool, sitting down carefully, his hands shaking. He clenched his jaw; he didn't have a way to deal with stress other than panicking and rambling. He tried to block everything out, and the only thing on his mind was getting the same house as Phil, whatever Phil got. "Slytherin!"

Phil bit his lip when he heard where Dan was sorted; he’d never really considered Slytherin, but now he was hoping he'd get Slytherin too. He didn't want to end up alone. Chris also ended up in Slytherin and then Phil was walking up to the stool on trembling legs. He heard a ripple of jeers run through the crowd at his size and his cheeks flushed brightly.

He sat down and the hat deliberated for a few moments before calling out, "Hufflepuff!" His heart sank and he took off the hat, setting it back down and walking to the table. He saw the blond girl from the train smiling at him and sat beside her. She gave him a quick hug before turning her attention back to the sorting.

Phil was praying PJ would end up in Hufflepuff so at least he'd have one friend, but the hat had barely touched his frizzing ringlets before it shouted, "Gryffindor!"

Dan smiled when Chris sat next to him, giving him a high five, but his heart was still resting in his stomach. He remembered the promise he had made with Phil, and it cheered him up a bit; at least, he remembered it now.

Phil felt very small and frightened and out of place. He missed his muggle friends and his old school and now he felt kind of hopeless about making new friends because people rarely sought him out to spend time with him, and it was hard for him to initiate conversations so he was worried he wouldn’t meet anyone. McGonagall gave a short speech and then the plates filled with food all up and down the long tables; Phil didn't really feel hungry though.

Dan was too nervous to eat, so he sat on his hands, rocking back and forth a bit. Chris nudged him. "Why aren't you eating?" He asked, leaning a little too close for Dan's liking.

Dan bit his lip. “I'm not really hungry." Some other boy who had been listening in frowned, joining in.

"You should eat. It'll make you feel better." Dan doubted that but nodded reluctantly, taking a tiny bite of some bread, just so they would stop pestering him and no one would think he was weird or _different_.

Phil refused to eat even when the blond girl, who he learned was named Louise, encouraged him to. She nodded understandingly, giving him another quick squeeze. "It's gonna be okay," she promised sympathetically. "I know it's hard, but you'll make friends."

Phil smiled gratefully. She was very touchy feely but Phil oddly didn't mind; he usually couldn't abide physical touch, but she was sweet and smelled like peaches. By the time dinner ended and the headmistress gave another speech he was sleepy and ready to fall into bed. Louise was a prefect and she stood and called in a much louder voice, "first years follow me!" She led them out and down a set of stone stairs and a long hall lit with torches at intervals. They passed an elaborate still life painting of a fruit bowl and to a large pile of enormous barrels. Louise explained that they had to tap a particular one to the rhythm of Helga Hufflepuff and demonstrated, the barrel opening up to reveal a round passage.

They followed her in and reached a cozy round chamber with several large windows situated near the high ceiling. Louise explained that this was the common room, and Phil felt a rush of happiness at seeing all the various potted plants set on every flat surface. She pointed out the round doors that led to the boys' and girls' dormitories and then seated herself beside one of the little fireplaces around the large round room.

Phil decided to bypass the socialisation of the evening and instead just went to his dormitory, finding another first year already there. He had short brown hair and neat features, accented by bright blue-green eyes, and he was almost as short and scrawny as Phil. He smiled brightly and said in a heavy Irish accent, "hi. I'm Sean."

Phil returned the smile rather shyly. "Phil."

When Dan got to his own room (after going through the rather bleak common room that was slightly aglow with soft green light), Chris threw a pillow at him. Dan tried to glare at him, but it was halfhearted.

"What's wrong?" Chris asked him, walking over to sit on Dan's bed even though he had definitely not said he could.

"Just... tired." It was mostly true; but he was also anxious and sad and scared.

"Is it about that other kid? The Hufflepuff?" Dan blinked, surprised that he had seen through him.

"Kinda..."

Chris fell back on the bed, shrugging and resting on his arms. "Don't worry about it. You'll make plenty of friends anyways." The boy's eyes twinkled. "You'll get over him in an instant."


	2. Chapter 2

Phil got his class schedule at breakfast the next day and saw that all but two of his classes were with the Slytherins; the other two were with Gryffindor. Phil was actually excited--he would have friends in his classes. His first class was Charms with Professor Flitwick and the Slytherins, and when he arrived he saw Dan sitting about halfway back in the room, the seat beside him open. He excitedly approached, sliding into it. "Hey," he said happily.

Dan glanced at him, smiling nervously. "Hi..." Dan flinched as Chris entered the room, starting towards them.

"Hey, Dan. Hi..." he trailed off, raising his eyebrows at Phil.

"Phil," Dan told him before Phil could, blushing. "You met him yesterday..."

"Oh yeah." Chris frowned. "Dan, I thought you were gonna sit with me...?" Dan took a shaky breath. He felt pressured, and he glanced between Chris and Phil, biting his lip.

"Um, yeah." He turned his gaze to his hands. "Yeah. I was."

Phil frowned but he got the hint... loud and clear. "Oh... I'm sorry, my bad," he mumbled, standing and avoiding Chris' eyes as he went and took a seat closer to the front, ducking his head and trying to keep himself from trembling visibly.

He felt the rejection like a physical blow, and his chest was aching. Nobody sat next to him and he felt even more alone as the class started and Flitwick started talking, explaining the syllabus for the year.

Dan was staring at the back of Phil's head until Chris nudged his ribs painfully with his elbow. Dan scowled at him, flicking it off the desk and onto the floor. Chris shrugged at him, grinning widely.

'Get over it', he mouthed, and defensiveness clouded over Dan's heart and mind.

'Get over what?' he mouthed back. And that was when he realized... maybe he shouldn't be friends with Phil Lester. Maybe, just until he settled in... he should try to fit in for once. That didn't mean he would be awful or anything... just keep a little distance.

The next class passed in a similar manner, and by the time lunch came he was feeling distinctly dejected and he spent the hour crying in the bathroom instead of eating. The next class with herbology with the Gryffindors, the class he'd been anticipating most, but he was so upset that he didn't even manage to muster any excitement.

He followed other first years out onto the grounds into the chilly autumn air. They went to green house five and Phil saw PJ standing near the door. Phil walked up to him and joined him, waving with a forced smile. "Hey... can I sit with you for this class?" He asked, lisping slightly, steeling himself for rejection and being pleasantly surprised when PJ nodded. "Yeah, you can," he said, his voice soft and pleasant.

He flashed Phil a gentle smile as they entered the greenhouse, quickly finding a place to sit. He tapped his slender fingers on the table. "I'm s-so excited for this class," he muttered softly.

Phil smiled back, sitting beside him and looking around. "I really love plants," he said, bouncing up and down a bit in his seat. "I'm glad you're talking to me..." he added quietly, blushing a bit. "I was scared I wouldn't have any friends a-and Dan and Chris both seem to hate me..." His lisp was prominent but he was so thrilled to have someone to talk to that he didn't even try to hide it.

PJ raised his eyebrows, listening intently. "Really...? I doubt that... t-the start of the year c-can be pretty confusing. Chris seems really nice..." he trailed off, a slight blush tinting his face.

"Maybe to you, but he's been kind of... not mean I guess, but just... kind of abrupt with me... and Dan promised we'd be friends no matter what houses we got sorted into but he's..." he sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry, never mind, I'm just complaining..." He smiled a bit at PJ. "You and Chris are friends then?"

PJ gave him a pitying look before nodded. "Yeah... we're friends." He bit his lip. "We m-met on the train."

Phil nodded thoughtfully, a bit curious about PJ's expression when he talked about Chris. It was almost wistful. He turned his attention to Professor Sprout and soon he was happily invested in collecting pods from Tickling Vines that lightly brushed over his arms.

\----

It wasn't even late, only eight thirty, when Dan got back to the common room, but he was exhausted. He was exhausted, even though it was just the usual classes. He felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and what happened next definitely didn't help.

He entered the large room to see the other Slytherins huddled in the center, by the green-tinted fire that burned in the fireplace. Chris and a few others looked up when he entered. "Dan!" He called out, beckoning him over.

Dan obeyed, a bit wary. "What's going on?"

"We're just talking," Chris said, nearly dragging Dan into a seat. "We decided we'll have a meeting every night." Dan nodded slowly, biting his lip. The girl from the train got up from where she was sitting to sit down next to him, far too closely.

She snickered. "We're talking about that Hufflepuff. The one with the s-s-stutter? And the _li-thp_?" Her voice was mocking and exaggerated and a few people laughed at her joke, but Dan frowned, his heart dropping.

"You mean Phil?"

"Yeah. Is he your friend? I was sitting next to you on the train when he so rudely interrupted..."

Some boys whooped and one of them whistled. Dan felt sick to his stomach. "No, he isn't my friend," he blurted, panicking.

Cat's eyes dragged over his face. "Good," she said pointedly, narrowing her eyes. "He's weird. Isn't he weird, Dan?"

Danfelt put on the spot and humiliated, and his cheeks were red. "Um..." His breath hitched. "I mean, yeah. Yeah, he's... he  _is_ weird." He tried to keep from rambling but it was too late; he had started and he couldn't stop. "He's tiny, have you seen his robes? Hagrid had to _carry him_ inside. He can hardly get through a sentence. And his hair..." he couldn't believe he was saying it, that he was stooping so low, but the other Slytherins were nodding and grinning at him and he felt kind of... accepted.

Maybe it was worth it, if leaving Phil in the dust was how to fit in... Before he could think too hard about it, a kid across the circle spoke up. "Let's play a welcome to school prank on him.

\----

Phil hadn't given up on trying to build a friendship with Dan, and he still said hi to him every day, but he was starting to get discouraged. He was making friends though--Louise was very sweet to him and had been there to help him with classes and aid him when his lisp affected his ability to pronounce spells; Sean was nice and they bonded over their muggle backgrounds and their mutual love for Pokémon; and PJ was very kind to him and their proficiency in herbology proved to be just the beginning of everything they had in common.

He felt almost like he was starting to find somewhere he belonged. Ash was becoming the darling of Hufflepuff house and Louise absolutely adored her; that was how he met a few more friends in his house--they would see him doing homework with her stretched out in his lap and come over to pet her and talk to him.

About a week later, Dan nervously shuffled through the hall near the Hufflepuff common room, searching the crowd like a hawk. When he finally spotted Phil he grabbed his arm, pulling him to the wall with him. "I need to talk to you."

Phil was completely bewildered and worried. "Okay... Dan, are you okay?" He asked gently, frowning. This was such an abrupt shift from Dan completely ignoring him and and he could feel his heart pounding against his ribs like a caged bird for some reason he couldn't quite understand.

Dan stared at his feet, worrying at his lip. "Um... kinda." He glanced at his face, meeting his eyes. "I, um... just wanted to talk." He smiled largely and falsely at him, his cheerfulness unconvincing.

"Um... okay? I... can I meet you out here in just a second? I have to feed Ash," he said, starting to pull away but Dan grabbed his arm harder and yanked him back easily. He cursed how light he was; he couldn't even get away. "D-D-Dan what's g-going on?" He asked, confused and anxious, the impending panic causing his stutter to worsen.

Dan's eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but no excuse came. He sighed. "Some other Slytherins decided to play a prank on you so they stole Ash and hid her somewhere and oh god it's all my fault," he blurted. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to stop them and I don't know where she is."

Phil felt tears jump to his eyes and he was shaking hard. "D-Dan n-n-n-no that can't h-happen, w-what do you m-mean? H-h-how did they g-get in, oh g-god they'll hurt h-her," he said, the tears starting to fall. Ash was the most important thing in his life and he couldn't lose her. "W-why didn't you s-stop them?" He shoved Dan away, stumbling a bit on his overlong robes as he ran down the hall toward the stairs down to the dungeons.

"Phil..." Dan ran after him, guilt and worry blurring his senses. "Phil, we'll find her, I promise... I-I didn't know how to stop them...!" He caught his sleeve, but Phil yanked it away.

Phil couldn't stop a choked sob and he whirled around to look at Dan. "If she's h-hurt I swear to g-god I will get you exp-pelled," he spat. "Y-you have to help m-me find her."

Dan nodded, afraid to say the wrong thing. "I will," he said quietly.

Phil had no idea how he was supposed to find her, and he was panicking so badly he couldn't think clearly. "Where c-could she be?" He whispered through a fresh wave of tears, sniffling a bit.

Dan shrugged. "I... don't know. But I think they mentioned something about water..." He flinched. "Not about drowning her or anything..."

Phil very nearly broke down at that. "Dan..." he whispered, looking rather helplessly at him. He had no idea what to do. He hurried down the stairs to the dungeons and started looking around, checking the loos first but finding them empty. Then as he walked past a supply closet he heard a weak, distressed mew.

He slammed the door open so fast it bounced back and hit him in the face but he didn't care, he just pushed past it, looking through cleaning supplies and finding a mop bucket near the back. Ash was struggling to get out of filthy water covered with a thin film of suds that reached up to her chin, clambering at the smooth sides with her claws and letting out little squeaks, clearly pleading for help.

He immediately scooped her up, holding her close against his chest and feeling her shiver, her heartbeat rapid. "I hate you," he whispered to Dan, shaking with anger now that his worry was relieved. He could barely speak and he knew he was about to go nonverbal so he pushed past Dan.

"Phil..." Dan followed him, feeling even more guilty than before now that they had found Ash. "Phil, I didn't want to hurt her, or even steal her in the first place! It wasn't my idea."

Phil turned to glare at him, forcing himself to speak even though it physically hurt. "Who w-was it then? I want  _names_ wh-who tried t-to hurt my baby?"

Dan opened his mouth, but came up blank. It was Chris, and Cat, and a few other kids... but he couldn't say that, that would be betraying their trust. At least that was what he told himself. "I... I can't..."

Phil set his jaw. "What you don't want to  _b-betray_ them?" He spat. "Y-you're disgusting... what w-would you know about loyalty?"

Dan flinched, stepping back. "I... I know enough..." He frowned. Did he? "Enough not to tell you. I know them better than you, what if they're right about you?" His heart twinged, reminding him of his guilty conscience as soon as he said it, but it was too late.

Phil shook his head, completely nonverbal now, and just turned on his heel and walked away, intending to clean Ash up and try to get some rest. What Dan had said echoed through his mind: 'what if they're right about you.' He had no idea what he'd ever done to make the Slytherins hate him so much but it was clear they did. By the time he got back to his common room he had tears pouring down his cheeks and his chest felt hollow.

\----

Dan snickered, reading the note and starting to scribble a reply. ** _Look at Phil today. He looks like a bloody mess._**

Dan wrote back **_I know_** , passing the note from Chris to Cat, who laughed, writing something back. Dan had realized she wasn't really  _that_ bad, even though she had come across as a little extreme at first.

Phil had hardly slept the night before and the circles under his eyes were so dark they looked like bruises. He couldn't stop thinking about the fight with Dan and the way the Slytherins had treated Ash. He wanted to resolve this but he didn't really know how. Transfiguration let out and he quietly followed the crowd out into the corridor.

Dan dropped his things with a muttered curse and Phil put on an extra burst of speed to catch up with him. "Hey, Dan..." he said softly, helping him collect his books and parchment together. "I... I'm sorry about last night... I don't want us to f-fight..." He held out his hand for Dan to shake. "C-can we at least call a truce?"

Dan looked over his face, taking the books and things from him rather harshly. "I don't know about that," he lilted. The night before, he had had a talk with Chris. Chris had told him he really needed to get over whatever thing he had with Phil. It was ruining his reputation. Dan had agreed. "You were pretty mean. I wouldn't really want to be seen with a f-f-freak," he finished, his voice mocking, mimicking Phil's stutter. He stared him down. It kind of hurt, but it had to be done if he was going to survive here.

Phil jerked back like Dan had hit him; he'd been slapped across the face with his own olive branch. "Oh... o-o-okay," he whispered, hating himself for tripping over the simple word. "S-sorry... I'll just le-eave you alone th-then..." He turned and walked away, shoulders hunched, making him appear even smaller in the large robes.

Dan watched him go, but he didn't feel as good as he thought he would. He just felt... guilty. And mean. He shook his head, pushing those thoughts away and starting down the hall towards his next class.

Phil tried to avoid Dan the next several days, but a week and a half later he walked into potions and happened to hear his name from Dan's table; he looked over curiously and saw him talking rather animatedly to Cat and Chris. He took a couple steps closer as quietly as he could, glad for once that his height at least made him unobtrusive, to try to hear.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" Dan laughed, shaking his head. "He tried to 'compromise' with me and reel me into his little web..."

"I'm glad you didn't fall for it, Dan," Cat said, touching his arm. He pulled back a bit but didn't comment.

"Yeah. Me too. He's so annoying, and that _voice_. It's bad enough without the speech issues. It's obnoxious, I bet they aren't even real. I'll bet he does it for attention."

Phil's chest ached dully--it didn't seem to have stopped doing that in weeks--and he walked past them toward the front of the room, peering over the edge of Slughorn's desk. The professor asked what he needed and he explained that he wasn't feeling well: it certainly wasn't untrue; he felt extremely ill, but he knew it was related to emotions. Slughorn excused him to go to the hospital wing but he just went back to his dormitory and curled up crying in bed. He decided from that moment on he would put in no effort with Daniel Howell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are my lifeblood, pls


	3. Chapter 3

Dan stared out the window of the train, letting his head rest against the cold glass. He sighed, fogging it up even more. Last year had kind of been a mess, but he had ended it feeling alright. The guilt had subsided and he felt better about his friends. He had a group where he felt like he belonged. He didn't need someone like Phil screwing it up. He ran his fingers through his straightened hair, glancing across the compartment and smiling at Chris. "Almost there..."

Phil had grown a few inches over the summer but he was still smaller than some of the first years and he was honestly dreading going back to Hogwarts, which was saying something as his home situation was far from ideal. PJ had come to his compartment about halfway through the train ride from Dan's compartment; he was their only mutual friend--he was one of Phil's only friends, full stop. They'd made small talk for a bit but now they were just sitting in companionable silence as the sun set and they approached the castle.

Dan didn't really care about any of the introduction stuff, and he was grateful that they didn't have to go through the sorting again. As soon as they got off the train they were let to the carriages, and Dan mounted himself into one of them. He really just couldn't wait to sleep.

PJ practically dragged Phil toward the carriage that held Chris, despite his protests; he was still convinced that Dan and Chris just needed to get to know Phil but he didn't want anything to do with them. They sat on the bench across from Chris and Dan and Phil kept his eyes down, a muscle in his jaw twitching.

Dan glanced over at Phil, but quickly scoffed, looking away again. The atmosphere was heavy and almost painful. "S-so..." PJ started, clearly wanting to have a conversation, but Dan cut him off with a harsh laugh.

"S-s-so," he repeated, mocking him. "I presume y-you d-didn't work on your s-s-speech over the summer?"

Chris hit his shoulder, giving him a look. "Dan. Quit it." His voice was low and serious, and Dan frowned, confused. He shook his head, glancing back away from all of them sulkily.

Phil glanced over and saw PJ practically glowing when Chris defended him. He sighed shakily; no one ever defended him. He wondered if Chris would be less of a dick to him this year but sincerely doubted it. He'd just always had a soft spot for PJ.

Dan was lost in thought as they bumped towards the castle. This would be the year he didn't care, he decided. Nothing would get to him, and he would get at the people who hurt him, no more being a carpet. He scowled to himself when he realized a carpet was exactly what he was, and always had been.

The carriage ride was tense for Phil. Chris and PJ had started talking rather tentatively and by now they were laughing, their knees bumping together, and PJ had a telltale blush on his cheeks. Phil let himself zone out til the movement stopped and then he hopped down, not waiting for PJ even when he heard him call his name; he didn't want to be around him when he would clearly choose a moment or two with Chris over Phil's wellbeing.

Dan rolled his eyes when he saw Phil rush off. _Drama queen_. He hopped down as well, waiting for Chris and PJ. PJ sighed, jumping to the ground and starting to follow after Phil. "Is it really worth it?" Dan muttered, his voice harsh and bitchy. "I mean, he is kind of pissy. He's pouting about you not giving him your full attention."

PJ turned on him, glaring. "Can you chill for a second, Dan?" He licked his lips. "Do y-you really think that, or do you just think it'll make you c-cool? I thought you were friends. I thought  _we_ were friends. Quit being a jerk."

Phil heard PJ defend him and felt rather warm and happy. He slowed down to give him time to catch up. "Thank you..." he whispered, giving him a quick hug as they made their way up the gravel drive to the castle.

Dan caught Chris's glare out of the corner of his eye, and chuckled. "Don't worry," he mumbled. "Phil's not stealing anyone from you."

Chris rolled his eyes as they started walking towards the school. "Yeah, I know." He paused, looking at him thoughtfully. "You were kind of being a jerk to PJ, though. But Phil deserves it." He grumbled under his breath.

Phil found Louise at the Hufflepuff table and sat beside her, giving her a quick hug. "You made head girl!" He exclaimed excitedly when he saw the badge affixed to her robes, and she beamed at him. The sorting went by quickly, and the feast seemed to as well, but maybe that was just because Phil was so tired. The headmistress gave her speech and it was off to bed.

\----

"I'm going to  _kill_ him." Dan slammed the door to the room, a towel wrapped around his waist, soaking wet. "I swear, I'll kill him, he's so dead."

Chris looked up from his textbook, frowning. "What's up with you?"

Dan could have sworn there was steam coming out of his ears, he was so mad. "That minx stole my straighteners, I'll kill him..." he tugged at a strand of his wet curly hair. "I can't walk around like this-!"

Chris stifled a laugh and hid his face in his book. He'd stolen the straighteners after Dan had belittled PJ for going mute after a difficult test and, just as he'd hoped, Dan was blaming it on Phil.

Dan glared at him, noticing his grin. "What are you laughing about?" He snapped. "You have to help me, I have to get them back. I have to get him back... I can't believe this, I'm gonna _kill_ him!" He quickly started to get dressed, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Alright, alright calm down, I'll help you," Chris agreed. "What do you want to do to him?" He asked, getting to his feet and putting his book back into his bag. They had defence against the dark arts in ten minutes and Dan was cutting it close, yet again.

"I don't know." He grumbled, pulling on his robes and attempting to run a comb through his hair to make it straighter, but it only looked wavier. _fluffy_. "I want to get him alone. I want him to hurt." He snapped his fingers, turning to Chris. "Let's lock him in the closet until he gives them back. Or magically glue him to the wall." He laughed cruelly, giddy.

Chris bit his lip nervously--he'd never seen Dan like this--but far be it from him to try to deter him. "Alright..." he said noncommittally. "Whatever you want, I'll help. I'd imagine Cat will too, she lives to make Phil suffer."

Chris thought for a moment. They had defence against the dark arts with Ravenclaw, but after that... "Charms, after lunch. Flitwick doesn't really pay attention anyway."

Dan nodded again, his eyes flashing. "Perfect. We'll do it then, if Phil leaves the room. If not we can convince him somehow." He knew it was cruel, but the first thing that came to mind was passing him a note saying he wanted to apologize, and be friends again. But he was livid.

\----

Phil was excited for charms. They were going to be learning a few non-damaging hexes that were all rather amusing, like the jelly legs jinx, but less than ten minutes in he couldn't ignore how badly he needed to go to the loo. He went up to Flitwick to ask if he could and received a dreamy nod in return. He quickly left the room, thighs squeezed tightly together.

Dan saw him go and recognized his chance. He gave Chris a look, and Cat in turn, and then slipped out of the room when Flitwick was distracted. "Hey freak-!" He shouted down the hall, running to him and grabbing him by his robes. "I think you have something of mine."

Phil squirmed in Dan's arms, not looking at him yet. "Let-me- _go_ I really have to--" he broke off when he looked up and saw Dan's curls. He looked... rather beautiful, not that Phil would ever tell him that. Instead he said curiously, "what h-happened to your hair?"

Dan scowled at him, his face darkening. "You _know_ ," he hissed. He pushed him against the wall, hard, still holding him by the cloth. "You stole my straighteners, I know you did."

Phil's bladder twinged and he whimpered. "N-n-no I didn't, I d-didn't even know you straightened your hair," he said, shivering in Dan's grip. He was struggling to hold his piss and the way Dan had him pinned against the wall certainly wasn't helping.

Dan scoffed. "Don't _lie_." He leaned closer. "Give them back or I swear to god I'll keep you here all day."

Phil gasped shakily, looking over to Cat and Chris and seeing only malice on their faces. "I didn't steal from you... please Dan I have to _go_ , please!" He begged, tears stinging his eyes. He hated that he was being reduced to this but he'd much rather plead with Dan than piss his pants in front of him.

Dan raised his eyebrows. "Oh, do you?" He held him still with one hand, checking his nails nonchalantly with the other. "Guess you'll have to fess up then." His eyes glinted and he sneered at him.

Phil couldn't say anything he hadn't already said so he just broke down crying, tears rushing down his cheeks as he writhed in Dan's grip, struggling against him and whispering a constant litany of, "please let me go, please Dan I have to--please, please don't do this."

Dan fake pouted, blatantly mocking him. "Are you really crying, Phil? Like a baby?" He instinctively pressed his knee up against Phil's bladder. "Are you gonna pee yourself like one, too?" He was enjoying this far too much, he had almost forgotten why he was doing it in the first place.

Phil leaked when Dan pressed against him and he let out a choked sob, squirming even harder. "Da-an!" He gasped, squeezing his eyes shut behind his glasses and turning his head to the side. He was flushed scarlet and even his neck was reddening.

Dan's stomach squirmed, for some reason, but he didn't relent. "Go on then, _go_. Right in the middle of the hall, if you need to so bad. Embarrass yourself. It'll just prove you're nothing but a pathetic baby."

Phil was rapidly getting to the point where he didn't have any choice; his body was rebelling and he was leaking steadily into his pants, still sobbing raggedly. A moment later the dam broke, and he blushed even darker with shame, his piss releasing with a soft hiss and puddling at his feet.

Dan's jaw dropped open, no words coming for a moment, and he let go of him, stepping back. "Oh... my god," he started slowly, and a grin quickly grew on his face, even though his stomach was still squirming. "You just pissed yourself!"

Phil's legs felt suddenly very weak and his back slid down the wall til he was sitting on the floor in the puddle, still crying. He could hear Cat's derisive laughter and he hid his face, breathing shallowly; then he heard a familiar voice.

"What's going on here?" Louise asked sternly, approaching quickly and seeing Phil huddled against the wall surrounded by piss. Her protective instincts bristled and she glared at the Slytherins. "Detention, all of you, tonight with Professor Sprout," she said, the words clipped, before casting a quick scourgify and settling onto the now dry floor beside a clean, but still mortified, Phil.

Dan cursed under his breath, glaring at them. "Whatever." He took off back down the hall, laughing at a comment Cat made and disappearing around the corner.

Phil explained what had happened through sobs and hiccups, struggling to keep from going mute as Louise slowly rubbed his back. He was completely humiliated and he was terrified the Slytherins would tell the whole school what had happened.

Louise gave him a pass back to his dormitory and he went there immediately, seeing something under his bed just as he was about to sit down: a hairdryer and a flat iron. His mouth dropped open in confusion, and he tugged them out, regarding them carefully. Well there was no way Dan was getting them back now. He completely destroyed them both, vaporising them with a handy spell he'd learned.

Dan was still pissed as hell, and he spent the whole rest of the day sulking. In the evening he took Abi down to the Owlery, after writing a letter to his parents saying he needed new straighteners. They couldn't come soon enough.

\----

"But it's _so good_!"

"I know, and that means we have to save it." Dan was talking to Cat in the hall, conversing with hushed whispers and hissed insults. She was grabbing his sleeve so they didn't drift apart, but he didn't really mind. "You can't just tell everyone right away... that'll ruin the fun. It'll die down."

Cat shrugged, tucking some mousey hair behind her ear. "Whatever. I still wanna tell people. You don't have to help..." she trailed off as they passed Phil, and stuck her leg out. He stumbled, and Dan held back a snort.

"Be more careful," he hummed as they continued down the hall. "You trip over your own robes as it is."

"Fuck off, _Daniel_ ," Phil spat over his shoulder, proud of himself for not stuttering. Dan stopped abruptly in surprise and Phil felt a hint of pleasure that he'd managed to get him back at least a little bit. They had transfiguration today, which was one of his favourite classes, and he was  _not_ about to let Dan ruin it.

Dan glared at him. "You're gonna get it now," he hissed, and glanced at Cat. She raised her eyebrows, and Dan nodded, grumbling to himself. She ran off.

Phil didn't doubt it but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care. What did it matter? He'd known Dan was going to hurt him again, this was just a little sooner than he'd anticipated. "You know Daniel," he said, almost conversationally but with acid in his tone. "If you weren't such an awful person, you might actually have friends that cared about you. Just a thought." He didn't even care that he was lisping. He was beyond pissed.

Dan growled, grabbing him by the robes and yanking him forward. No one in the halls stopped, too focused on getting to their classes on time. "Listen, fag," he muttered under his breath, staring Phil down icily. " _I_ have friends. You're the one who doesn't, except that older girl who probably has much better people to be with than you. She pities you. Everyone does. But that doesn't mean they like you. Learn to take a hint, you're nothing here. I thought you might be cool on the train, but you aren't, so get the hell over it." He knew everything he was saying was absolutely awful, and not completely the truth, but he didn't care. He had given up on being a nice person. It hadn't done him any good.

Phil just laughed in his face. "Yeah, I'm sure your 'friends' would totally be there if something went wrong, too," he said calmly, staring him down icily. "I may not have many friends but the ones I do have actually give a shit about me." He gasped a bit when Dan pushed him harder against the wall but then he just chuckled coldly again. "And I don't have to piss this time, so you can do this all you want, you git."

Dan searched his face, his own filled with nothing but rage and malice. "You can pretend to act tough now," he said in a voice that was calm, but shaky. "But just remember how you begged me to let you go yesterday, and then pissed all over yourself. That's not something a remotely brave or intelligent person, or someone with the slightest hint of integrity, would do. No wonder you're a Hufflepuff." He spit the last words, so close to him now that they were nearly sharing breaths.

"Yeah, maybe you're right... but Hufflepuffs are _loyal_. You don't even understand that concept. You just understand trying to fit in and make everyone like you. At least I'm real about who I am, _Daniel_ ," he growled his name, kicking out and hitting his ankle bone firmly, squirming away when Dan was distracted by the pain and rushing down the corridor to class.

Dan cursed loudly, sliding down to the floor against the wall and gripping his ankle. He glared after Phil before letting his face relax into a neutral, if not a bit sad, expression. It was painful and tiring to frown all the time. He got to class late and he could already see people laughing amongst themselves. Cat winked at him and he smirked. As he passed Phil's table, he bumped his shoulder firmly. "I hope you get what you deserve, Phil," he muttered.

Phil let out a humourless chuckle, not even bothered by Dan bumping against him, and called back as he walked away, "you and me both, Daniel..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, comments and kudos make me so so happy,,, pls


	4. Chapter 4

Dan was going mad, and it was all Phil Lester's fault. For some reason he couldn't get him out of his head. Whenever he saw him in the halls he tripped him or jeered at him, and he thought this might be a bit deeper than wanting to be liked. He just really hated him, and it might be because Phil didn't really seem bothered anymore.

It was like that incident in the hall had changed something about him, and Dan too. Dan glared at him as he passed him in the hall on the way to his next class, shoving him, but he got a look from a teacher so he continued on his way.

Phil had gotten to the point where he could just disregard whatever Dan did to him. It didn't matter anymore; he could push him around and call him names and hex him in the halls, and it was... fine. Somehow it was all fine. He just rolled his eyes when Dan shoved him, and kept on his way. He had a free period and he intended to practice spells that were affected by his lisp in an empty classroom.

Dan kept going, jogging once he got out of the building to the greenhouses. He had Herbology next, and he was excited to not pay attention in favor of plotting against Phil with Chris. But when he walked in, Chris and PJ were sitting together, happily chatting away. Between them was a plant, whatever one they were studying this class (Dan couldn't remember and that was probably why he was failing), and their heads were far too close together. He frowned, a strange feeling of dread washing over him. "Chris?" He asked, walking over to them.

The boy looked up, and so did PJ, who quickly looked away again. "Hey, Dan," he said cheerfully, as if nothing was wrong.

"Weren't you gonna sit with me?" Chris looked nervous, and he glanced at PJ before looking at him again.

"I thought I might sit with PJ this class instead." Chris gave him a look, like _don't blow this for me_ , and the feeling worsened. Dan nodded, turning so they wouldn't see his lip trembling, and walked right out of the greenhouse.

Phil had barely started when the door to the classroom opened abruptly with a bang. He turned around curiously and saw Dan, trembling and red-faced. He hadn't noticed Phil yet and Phil intended to keep it that way. He hid under one of the desks, peering out.

Dan collapsed in one of the chairs, tugging at his hair that was still fucking curly and it was driving him insane. He let out a choked sob, resting his head against the table, covered by his arms. Tears streamed down his face.

Phil felt a rush of empathy despite himself. He wanted to feel glad that Dan was upset but he couldn't; his heart ached for him. He slowly emerged, hoping he wouldn't get beaten within an inch of his life for this. "Dan?" He murmured gently.

Dan's eyes widened and his head shot up. He tried to glare at him but it was halfhearted. He rubbed at his eyes frantically, standing up. "Oh my god, I'm sorry. Don't tell anyone about this, I didn't know you were in here, I... I'll go."

"No, it's okay, I'm not going to tell anyone..." Phil said softly, though he knew he probably should; it was no more than Dan would have done if the roles were reversed. "You don't have to go... are you alright?" Phil took another step closer, his wide eyes filled with concern.

Dan stared at him incredulously. "Why do you care?" He asked warily. He wasn't sure if he wanted to spill his heart out to Phil, he would probably use it against him... Dan would deserve that, anyways.

"I don't know," Phil replied honestly, his own emotions confusing him. He reached out and very gently, hesitantly set his hand on Dan's shoulder. "You can talk to me Dan..."

Dan flinched but didn't pull back all the way, shaking his head. He knew if he started he wouldn't be able to stop, he was that upset, but he started anyways. "I... I don't know. In Herbology Chris was sitting with PJ, which is okay I guess, but he said he would sit with me... I mean, he didn't  _say_ it. But he always sits with me, so that was a fair guess, right? God, I don't know, I just felt so alone. Does he not like me anymore? Does he like PJ more than me...? Maybe you were right." His breath caught at what he was saying but he continued. "Maybe I don't have any real friends."

Phil sighed a bit, squeezing Dan's shoulder lightly. "Well... Dan, you're kind of an ass," he mumbled. "You could have friends if you didn't focus all your energy on trying to be what people expect you to be." He dropped his hand with a sigh. "I'm sorry that happened to you... I know how it feels. Hell, you did that to me on the first day of school, remember?" He reminded him.

Dan moved to sit back down in the seat, his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. He had a compulsive urge to get defensive, but he pushed it back. He was just tired. "Yeah." He sighed. "I remember."

"Yeah..." Phil spun a chair around to sit across from him, sighing a bit. It was becoming clear to him just how deep Dan's insecurities ran, and he wished he could help somehow.

Dan bit his lip, avoiding Phil's eyes. "I just... I feel like I need to be in control of every situation. And you... I can't control you, you know?" He frowned. "God, you're right. I am an ass."

Phil gently took Dan's hand to try to comfort him, softly running his thumb over his knuckles. "Yeah, you are but... it's okay... you can change, if you put in the effort..."

Dan stared at their hands, at Phil's thumb running over his skin. It made him tingle and fizz and an explosion of fireworks was going off in his stomach. He frowned deeper. "Effort is not something I've ever had to put in," he mumbled, meeting his eyes. He was confused, and his feelings were blurring together into one big mess.

Phil nodded with a soft sigh, intertwining their fingers properly. "I know... it's hard but... it's worth it. You'll feel a lot better if you stop being a prat," he teased gently.

Dan smiled weakly. "Yeah… maybe." For some reason, with Phil holding his hand and watching him hopefully, he felt like he might be able to. He felt a strange kind of spark between them, and he wondered if Phil felt it too. His eyes flickered to his lips and he urged himself not to think too hard about what he was doing as he leaned forward, slowly but surely.

Phil was puzzled for a moment before he realised what Dan was doing, and then he was even more bewildered. He pressed his free hand to Dan's chest, holding him at arm's length. "Whoa uh... I wasn't... I d-don't want to kiss you," he stammered quietly, blushing.

Dan stared at him, his mouth opening and shutting. "Oh," he got out, moving back. He pulled his hand out of Phil's. Was he _stupid_? Of course Phil didn't want to kiss him, and he wasn't supposed to either.

He stood up, his body tensing and a mean expression taking over his face again. He was embarrassed, and that was the only way he knew how to deal with it. "If you tell anyone about this, I'll hex you into bloody pieces," he growled, his voice shaky, storming out of the room.

Phil was hurt and confused by what had just happened and he felt like he couldn't wrap his head around it. He sighed softly, putting his head into his hands.

Dan made his way to the boy's bathroom instead, locking himself in one of the stalls and sobbing his eyes out. And, god, he fucking hated Phil Lester right then.


	5. Chapter 5

Phil had filled out over the summer and he'd shot up from 5'5" to over six feet tall. His mother found it amusing how quickly he'd grown, and she'd told him everyone at school would be so surprised. He'd also gotten new glasses with a bit thinner frames, and they complimented his sharp features better.

He could already see people staring on the train platform and he blushed a bit, avoiding their eyes and getting onto the train. He got a compartment with Chris and PJ and curled up in one corner with a comic book, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Dan was seated in his own compartment, with Cat. She was talking again, and he wasn't really listening, but it was okay. Her fingers were intertwined with his and he slowly ran his thumb over her wrist, and she leaned against him. She smelled like artificial strawberries and the rather intense scent stung his nose. He was actually happy to be going back to school, he felt confident.

He had spent all summer being bored, as well as planning how to get at Phil in the new school year. Dan smiled as Cat kissed his hand, looking down at her. At least now he had a girlfriend, so even if Phil told anyone about the incident the year before, he would have a way to deny it. Somewhere in him he knew that was a messed up reason to be dating someone, but it was beyond him to care.

It was getting dark outside and Chris was asleep when PJ started trying to catch his eye. It took him a concerted effort as Phil was rather immersed in Captain America's life, but eventually he managed it and he gestured for Phil to follow him out into the corridor. He obeyed, curious about what he'd say. "Hey, you alright?"

PJ looked nervous and he was bouncing up and down a bit on the balls of his feet. "I don't know..." he answered honestly. "I think there's something wrong with me... I really like Chris but... my friends keep asking me about... _stuff_..." His tone and the way he blushed made it clear what stuff he meant. "A-and I don't like that sort of thing... am I w-weird?" He asked nervously.

Phil bit his lip, considering. "Do you think you might be... asexual?" He asked tentatively, and PJ flinched a bit. "It's okay if you are," he assured him. He'd done a lot of research on sexuality when he was trying to figure himself out over the summer before he’d come to the conclusion that he was bi.

"I th-think I might be..." PJ said in an even more hushed tone. He frowned. "I'm s-s-scared. Do you think Chris will still... like me?" He chewed on his lip. "I mean, I-I don't know if I even want him to know I like him, but if he found out..."

Phil sighed, thinking. "Mate, Chris  _really_ likes you... I don't think something like this will change that. You should talk to him... it'll all work out."

PJ smiled, his cheeks pink. He brushed some hair out of his eyes. "You think so?" When Phil nodded he pulled him into his arms, hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Phil..."

Phil chuckled and squeezed him, smiling. "You don't have to thank me..." he mumbled, blushing a bit as PJ let go. They went back into the compartment and PJ immediately practically snuggled up to a sleeping Chris as Phil returned to his comic.

As soon as the train came to a stop, Dan was emerging from the compartment. He nearly ran into Phil in his haste, and his eyes widened when he had to look up at him instead of the other way around. He shook his head, pushing the shock back. He noticed the little cage he was holding, a furry ear peeking out, and sneered. "I see Ash is getting bigger. That's good, she should be able to protect herself, I /heard/ that owls eat cats." He shoved past him, hurrying towards the door, Cat following him with a snicker.

Phil's expression darkened and he glared after Dan. "I see you're not," he called after him, in reference to his first sentence, feeling a sort of savage pleasure that he was at least taller than Dan now.

"Whatever, fuck off," Dan shouted back, hopping down the steps and taking Cat's hand pointedly.

"Is he seriously dating that bitch?" Phil asked Chris under his breath and Chris nodded, yawning and winding an arm around PJ's waist as he did. They made their way off the train, leaving their things behind, and got onto one of the only carriages with room for all of them--of course it was the one with Cat and Dan.

Cat sat in his lap but Dan wasn't complaining, at least he could rub their relationship in Phil's face. He looked him over, smirking. "Have a good break?" He asked, his voice lilting with toxic sweetness.

Phil bit the inside of his cheek; he hadn't had a good break. Katherine was working three jobs to pay rent and feed them and she'd hardly been home. She'd also asked him to stay at school for all the holidays except summer so that he'd be fed and she wouldn't have to pay for it. But he couldn't say all that so he lied. "Yeah, it was just fantastic," he agreed, rolling his eyes a bit. "What about you?"

"Grand," Dan deadpanned. They soaked in the awkward silence until they got to the castle, Cat occasionally whispering things to him and giggling. As soon as Phil got down after him, Dan pulled him aside. Phil may be taller now, but they were around equal in strength. "This year is going to be a living hell for you," he snarled. "I'll make sure of it." He shoved him roughly.

Phil didn't bother to respond; he just straightened his robes, which finally fit right, and sighed heavily. He shouldn't have expected any less, really. He trudged up to the castle.

The rest of the evening went by in a blur, and Dan managed to tie Phil's shoelaces together with a hex, which sent a roar of laughter through the Slytherin table. He was praised and almost worshiped for it, and he felt on top of the world. A bit before the feast ended, he snuck off with Cat to make out in the hall. She wasn't a great kisser, but Dan didn't care. The strange thing was... he didn't really feel anything... even when he should have.

When the feast ended Phil slipped out into the hall and found Dan pressed up against the wall with Cat's tongue down his throat. He made a noise of disgust and brushed past them toward the stairs, shaking his head. He wished he could understand what was going on in Dan's head but it was a mystery to him; the boy made no sense.

Soon after, Dan retreated to his room to plot. He knew he wanted to get Phil  _bad_ this year. He wanted to play pranks and curse the hell out of him,  _break_ him to a very inch of his temper. He wanted to see him snap. He meant it when he said this year was going to be hell.

\----

The next morning Phil had charms with the Slytherins. He smoothed his hair down--he'd finally figured out how to tame the mane of hair into a sleek fringe--tugged on his robes, and went to breakfast. He immediately heard Dan loudly talking about him at the Slytherin table but he steadfastly ignored it as he walked past.

Dan watched him with glinting eyes. He leaned towards Chris. "Watch this," he whispered, snickering and taking out his wand. As Flitwick announced that the class was to begin, he cast a quick stutter jinx on Phil, and sat back in his chair, waiting.

Chris gave him a look. "Are you sure that's... _really_ , Dan?"

Dan frowned at him. "What's got you in a mood? It's a little fun, that's all."

Phil felt something strange, like a wave of cold, but he assumed it was just drafty. It wasn't til he opened his mouth to try to do the spell that he realised what had happened. He could hardly speak from how hard he was stuttering and it made his lisp even more obvious. He heard a peal of laughter that he recognised clearly as Dan's from the desk behind him and he took a shaky breath to try to calm down but the stutter was just getting worse. "G-g-g-g-god d-damn it-t," he hissed.

Dan held a hand over his mouth, trying to contain his laughter. "What's w-w-w-wrong, Phil?" He teased, sneering. "Got a s-s-stutter?"

Phil turned to glare at him. "Y-y-y-y-you're a f-fuc-cking c-c-cunt," he spat.

Dan only laughed harder. "Oh s-sorry, I can't understand you-! Wanna r-r-repeat yourself?"

Phil would probably have started crying the year before but now he was just pissed. "I s-s-said yo-ou're a f-fucking cu-unt a-a-and you're n-n-not even w-w-worth m-my ti-i-ime." He hated stuttering over the s, as it made his lisp even worse, and his cheeks flushed.

Dan chuckled, shaking his head, looking him over. "Just the beginning," he muttered, meeting his eyes.

Phil was so tempted to hit him but he couldn't; not here. He took a deep breath and shook his head, turning back to his spellwork and struggling to keep his voice steady. finally the class period ended and the jinx started to wear off as they walked to potions.

Dan bumped him in the hall. "I always wondered what would happen when you put a speech related curse on someone who already can't talk for shit," he jeered.

Phil felt his self control snap and he hardly knew what he was doing as he grabbed Dan's robes and shoved him against the wall hard enough that it knocked the breath out of his lungs.

Dan squeaked, taken by surprise, his eyes wide. He licked his lips, glaring at him harshly once he got ahold of himself.

"Look, you p-pathetic little s-snake," Phil growled, shaking with emotion. "I know it has to be h-hard having a c-c-crush on someone a-all your friends ha-ate but this isn't h-how to hand-dle it. Y-you disgust me."

Dan's eyes widened again, and he scoffed. "I don't have a crush on you, fuckwad," he hissed. "I have a _girlfriend_. How did you get it in your tiny brain that I could ever  _like_ you?"

"/You tried to kiss me/, you insecure l-little prick," Phil snapped, pushing Dan harder against the rough stone wall. "And it c-can't have been hard to date Cat, she was all o-over you the first day she met you. You fucking obse-ess over me, it's obvious you're just trying to deal with f-feelings you don't understand in the most im-mmature way you can possibly find."

Something washed over Dan and he lunged at him, grabbing his hair and yanking. "Shut the fuck up," he growled. "I was confused, clearly. No completely sane person would try to kiss you. And I fucking  _warned you_ about mentioning it. Shut the hell up." He knew if Phil wasn't at least a little right he wouldn't be getting so defensive, and he hated it.

Phil hissed in pain when Dan pulled his hair, bringing his knee up sharply to hit between Dan's legs and pulling back as he doubled over with a cry. "I'll tell everyone if you ever touch me again, I swear to god," he breathed.

Dan clenched his jaw, trying to ignore the immobilizing pain. "I'll kill you," he muttered, his voice dark and serious. "I swear, I'll ruin your life if you tell anyone."

Phil leaned in toward Dan's ear as he was still too focused on the pain to retaliate and whispered, "I dare you to try it, sweetheart." Then he turned on his heel and walked toward the dungeons for potions.

Dan stood in the hall for a few minutes, staring after him, breathing heavily. His hate was so strong, he was seeing stars. He turned and ran the opposite direction, needing air and space and... And some kind of way to make Phil Lester regret ever being born. He started towards the Hufflepuff common room.

\----

Phil was surprised when Dan didn't show up in potions, or in their new electives that they got to pick as third years that they had that afternoon: care of magical creatures and divination. Phil was also taking arithmancy with PJ and Chris but Dan hadn't chosen that one.

As soon as Dan was finished, he started back to his own common room, planning to take a nap. He smirked at Phil as he passed him in the hall that evening, and then smiled innocently. "Hey Phil," he said cheerfully, nearly skipping past him. "See you in class."

Phil felt distinctly disturbed by Dan's abrupt change in demeanour, and he decided to bypass dinner and go back to his room. But when he got there, he found his trunk missing, as well as his blankets and pillows; the only relief he felt was that Ash was settled on the middle of the bare mattress, snoozing peacefully.

Dan had thrown it in the lake. He had taken all of Phil's things and just fucking drowned them in the murky water. He was actually surprised (and grateful) that he hadn't gotten caught. The scary thing was, he felt no remorse. And he wanted to do more.

Phil stepped out into the common room with Ash in his arms and found Louise. "Hey Lou, um... we have a problem." She looked up at him in surprise and he explained the situation.

Louise listened intently, nodding at appropriate times. "Oh dear," she muttered when he had finished. "I never thought he would go this far..." she reached up to touch his arms. "Well, let's summon them, shall we? Unless they're completely destroyed, I'm sure I'll be able to fix them right up."

Phil nodded and watched as she magically opened one of the large windows at the top of the common room and waved her wand with a murmur of, "accio." He gasped in horror as his things came flying into the room soaked in brackish water and covered in mud. "Oh my god..."

She covered her mouth, tapping her fingernails against her cheek thoughtfully. "Oh _dear_ ," she repeated. "Excuse my language, but... what a dick."

Phil snorted, resting his head on her shoulder for a moment before starting to perform drying and cleaning charms on everything. He opened his trunk and winced at how filthy his clothes were.

"Don't worry," Louise assured him, helping him bring everything to his room and setting it all out on the mattress to clean it. "He's a coward. He probably just likes you or something, he'll get over it. He's pushing his insecurities on you."

Phil bit his lip, considering, and finally decided he was pissed enough to tell her. "Yeah he uh... he tried to kiss me at the end of last year," he said, folding the clothes as she cleaned them and placing them neatly back into the trunk.

Louise paused for a second, looking at him. "You're kidding," she mumbled, shaking her head and tutting. "And you didn't let him? Why would he even try that?"

"Of course I didn't let him, he's a jerk," Phil said irritably. "I was trying to comfort him because he was sad and he just leaned over and..." He shook his head, breaking off. "I just don't understand why he's so awful to me."


	6. Chapter 6

Dan shivered in the cold, pulling his sweater around him tighter. He grumbled under his breath. Why the hell was it this cold near summer? He didn't even want to go to the last quidditch game of the year, he just wanted to sleep, really. But as usual, he had been pressured into it. He didn't look up as Cat sat next to him, not letting her take his hand. He was in a bad mood already.

Phil was excited for the quidditch match. It was on a Saturday and they were allowed to wear their normal clothes instead of school robes. He was wearing a soft orange sweater the same shade as a creamsicle and a pair of light jeans, and he was enjoying the chilly weather. He was sitting with PJ and a few friends from Hufflepuff.

Dan noticed Phil in the crowd, scowling to himself. His hatred and obsession was only getting stronger. He met his eyes and quickly looked away, grabbing Cat and kissing her, hard.

Phil glanced across and saw Dan making out with Cat so messily that it looked rather like he was trying to eat her face; it certainly wasn't attractive. He rolled his eyes and turned away; they always seemed attached at the lips.

Dan pulled back after a few minutes, feeling a bit sick to his stomach and moving away again. He sighed. He figured he might break up with her soon, but he didn't think his insecurities could take that kind of blow. He tried to focus on the game.

Phil was actually really happy. Chris joined him and PJ in the stands and they were all talking and joking around as Ravenclaw slowly racked up points against Gryffindor.

After a bit of Dan staring blankly at the game, he saw Chris get up and start towards him. "Hey," Chris said softly, sitting on the other side of him.

"Hi," Dan muttered grumpily.

"So... what has your problem been lately?" Chris asked in a would-be mild tone. "You've been awful to everyone, especially Phil and... he's cool. He doesn't deserve that shit."

Dan frowned. "What do you mean," he deadpanned. "I've been just as awful as you have."

"No, Dan, no... I was awful last year but this year I changed. Just because you acted like an ass when you were younger doesn't mean you have to keep acting like this forever." He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

Dan felt strangely cornered, and a bit attacked, and he frowned deeper, looking at him. "He is a _freak_ ," he said slowly. "And he deserves everything he got, and everything he has coming for him. I'm not acting like anything."

"What did he ever do to you?" Chris burst out then, pissed with how surly and childish Dan was being.

Dan rolled his eyes. "He stole my straighteners, remember? And he shoved me against the wall..." Dan knew he had provoked most of those things, but there was no way he was saying that. "And he tried to kiss me and-" Dan flinched. The lie had slipped from his lips before he could stop it, and he shrunk in his seat. "Maybe forget that last one," he said, softer.

Phil had told Chris and PJ what had actually happened and that Dan had tried kissing him, so Chris’ respect for Dan dwindled even further at the blatant lie. "Look just... leave him alone. If you can't be civil then stay away from him." Chris stood up and walked back toward Phil and PJ before Dan could answer.

Fury coursed through Dan as well as embarrassment and his eyes flashed as he watched Chris join the other two, laughing and being happy. Without him. Cat had left to go flirt with some other Slytherin, and all his other friends were ignoring him. And now, seeing the people who used to be his friends for a split second before he had fucked it up, hurt joined the emotions. He wiped away his rapidly approaching tears, and took out his wand.

Phil was just standing up to see Louise, who was sitting a few rows down and he didn't have time to acknowledge the tripping jinx before it sent him flying over the last couple rows and then tumbling over the edge of the stands. He could hear someone screaming and he was vaguely aware it was himself but then he hit the ground and blacked out.

Dan instantly realized his mistake, his jaw dropping open. Fuck, oh fuck, he had really gone too far. A gasp had arose from the crowd and a whistle was blown, but it all sounded like he was underwater. Everything hit him all at once and he dropped his wand and started running, stepping on it in his haste and heading for the ground. He was a real cunt, and he had hurt Phil, possibly badly.

Tears stung his eyes and he reached where Phil was just as some teachers did. His eyes were shut and a choked sob left Dan's mouth as he was ushered away.

\----

Phil woke up two days later in the hospital wing with a pounding headache and shooting pain in his ribs every time he breathed. It took him a minute to remember what had happened but when he did he started crying; he couldn't help it. Had Dan been trying to kill him? Did he really hate him that much…?

Madame Pomfrey hurried over, checking on him. When he tried to sit up she pushed him back down with a firm but gentle hand. "No no no, you had a big fall, stay still," she blustered.

She bustled around him, before stopping to look at him curiously. "A boy has been asking about you. A few of them, really... but one rather persistently." She tutted, touching Phil's head with the back of her hand. "He sat outside my doors until Filch had to drag him away. You have someone who really cares about you."

Phil privately thought it was likely Dan actually just wanted to see if he'd died yet but he stayed quiet about it. "Am I gonna be okay?" He asked, voice hoarse.

"Of course you are, don't be silly," the woman assured him, offering a smile. "You'll be perfectly fine, and out in a week or two."

Phil nodded, tears still running slowly down his cheeks. He shut his eyes again, just wanting to sleep and forget about all of this, but he couldn't seem to drift off and he kept shifting to try to get comfortable. Pomfrey came back with a dose of a purple potion that she said would grant him dreamless sleep. He downed it quickly and had fallen asleep in moments.

\----

Dan was pacing. He doubted he had stopped ever since the accident. Well... It hadn't been an accident. It had been a lapse of judgment, mixed with jealousy and an impulsive desire to hurt. He hadn't meant to make him fall off the stands, though. He looked up hopefully when Pomfrey emerged from the room, carefully shutting the door behind her.

She gave him a pointed look. She had told him Phil was okay, and he'd be fine, but nothing else even when he begged to see him. "I know, I know," he mumbled, before she could say anything. "Just... please let me talk to him, five minutes. That's all I need."

"He can't see anyone right now," she said firmly, but her voice was pitying. "He's sleeping. Come back tomorrow."

\----

Phil didn't wake up until mid-afternoon the next day, feeling groggy and disoriented. The pain in his ribs had subsided substantially but when he tried to sit up his head spun and a rush of nausea ran through him. He immediately settled back against his pillows, sighing heavily.

Dan opened the door slowly, and closed it just as carefully. He had come back, because he had been told to, but Pomfrey had still denied him a visit and there was no way he could wait any longer. He sucked in a sharp breath when he realized Phil was awake. Laying down, but awake. "Please don't tell on me," he whispered, taking a step into the room. "I had to talk to you."

Phil felt a rush of panic but he couldn't move without retching so he just stared at Dan, terrified. "Tell on you for what, trying to kill me?" He asked, trembling visibly.

Dan blinked, stepping even closer. "Phil..." he sighed. "I'm not trying to kill you and I never have. Do y-you really think I'd do that?"

"What am I supposed to think?" Phil asked hollowly. "I-I know you hate me and I... I can take teasing and name calling, whatever, I don't care but... you m-made me fall... I could have broken my neck... I could have died, don't you understand that?"

Dan's breath caught and he nodded, ashamed. "I know..." he kept a bit of distance between them so Phil could stay semi comfortable. "I know you won't believe me, but I really didn't want you to..." he trailed off. "I mean, I would never try to kill you." He took a deep breath. "I made a mistake. A few of them, actually."

"No shit," Phil replied bitterly, rolling his eyes. "I just... I don't understand why you would..." he sighed and broke off, trying to catch his breath. "I don't understand why you hate me so much..."

Dan ran his fingers through his hair anxiously. "I guess it's... it's like you said, I need attention and validation to function." He stared at his feet. "I hate that you're so... likable," he whispered.

Phil sighed softly. He oddly felt the same way about Dan; he wished he could hate him and it was infuriating that all Dan had to do was show a tiny bit of vulnerability and Phil would automatically be there for him again. He reached out and took Dan's hand, trying to push back the memory of the last time they'd held hands.

Dan bit his lip, a shock running through him. He tried to hold back tears. "I'm really sorry, Phil..."

"I know..." Phil whispered back. He gently squeezed Dan's hand, tears jumping to his own eyes as the weight of everything seemed to come down at once and all the emotions he hadn't let himself feel when Dan hurt him all those times washed over him.

Dan shuffled a bit closer, a tear streaming down his cheek. "I'm sorry," he said again, now that he felt like he could. He squeezed Phil's hand. "God, I'm so fucking sorry." And right then he swore to himself that next year would be different. Phil wouldn't even recognize him.

He was gonna be the real Dan, screw what anyone thought.

Phil tugged him down into a hug after a moment, trying to comfort him. "It's okay... it's gonna be okay..."

Dan hugged him back carefully, not sure if he was in pain or not. "I sure hope so."

"It will be," Phil said firmly, even though he couldn't be sure. Hell, for all he knew Dan would just go back to how he had been.

Dan pulled back after a minute, flashing him a nervous smile. "See you later, then...?" He asked softly. "I should probably go before I get caught..."

Phil nodded, worrying his lip between his teeth. "You'll come back right?"

Dan blushed, nodding slowly. "If you want me to."

Phil smiled. "Yeah... I want that," he confirmed. Dan came back and visited him a few times before he got out, the day before school let out and they all went home. He actually felt a bit hopeful for the next year; maybe everything really would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is when everything changes!! Prepare yourselves


	7. Chapter 7

Dan swung himself up onto the train, clutching Abi's cage close to his chest. He started down the aisle, searching for the compartment he was looking for. He heard a few gasps and whispers sent his way and smiled a bit, his cheeks flushed. He caught a glimpse of his curly hair and rosy face in the glass door, pausing to tuck some hair behind his ear before hearing familiar voices and moving towards them. 

He hesitated in the doorway to compartment 16. "Hi," he muttered, biting his lip. Chris, Phil, and PJ all turned to him, the laughter dying down. There was a moment of shocked silence, and Chris was the first one to speak. 

"Dan, you look..." he paused, his eyes wide. " _Hot_." PJ smacked him and Dan giggled.

Phil stared at him in awe, confusion and surprise and... yeah okay, attraction, swirling in his stomach. "Yeah you do," he added with a little chuckle, his voice breaking a little bit. It had gotten quite a bit deeper over the summer and was still cracking frequently as it dropped more.

Dan's eyes moved to him and they flickered over his face, his bashful smile growing. "Thanks," he nearly whispered, feeling shy, for some reason. "So do you..." More silence, and PJ and Chris shared a look.

Phil gently patted the spot beside himself. "C'mere," he said softly, smiling. Dan had gotten taller over the summer and looked lanky and tan and freckled. He'd clearly spent some time in the sun, even his hair had gotten a little blond near the ends, even more clear in the ringlets.

Dan nodded, sitting next to him. He was nearly taller than him again, but Phil had clearly hit a growth spurt last year. Chris and PJ went back to their conversation, occasionally glancing at Dan like he was a ghost or as if he would pull a knife from his jumper and attack someone, and Dan nudged Phil, his cheeks hot. "Sorry for... nearly killing you last year," he mumbled.

Phil huffed a soft laugh. He couldn't take his eyes off Dan. "It's okay... I mean, it isn't really but... you know, it's okay," he mumbled again. "You seriously... look good," he added, blushing softly. "Did you get hexed or something?" He teased, but part of him was serious; no one could change that fast.

Dan rolled his eyes, but it was soft and joking instead of rude. "No... I just..." he shrugged, running his fingers through his hair. "I dunno. Last year... that wasn't me. I just don't wanna care anymore, you know?" He smiled at him, his eyes sparkling. "This is me and I don't want fake friends anymore."

Phil beamed, pulling Dan into a quick hug. "Good... I'm really proud of you," he murmured.

Dan was nearly glowing, and he nodded, squeezing Phil's arm. "Thank you..." he paused. "Do you think we could try to be friends this year?"

"Absolutely," Phil said, still grinning. "That's all I've ever wanted..." He gave him another quick squeeze, smiling against his neck.

Dan caught Chris smirking at him and swung his leg out, lightly kicking him. "What are you looking at? Stare at your _boyfriend_ , not us," he teased.

Phil saw PJ grin and snuggle closer to Chris and felt his heart ache a bit. He felt a longing for something like they had, but nobody liked him like that.

Dan let his head rest against Phil's shoulder, humming quietly. "Can I nap?" He asked, looking up at him, his voice lilting. "These train rides always feel rather long."

Phil nodded, letting his own cheek rest against the top of Dan's head. "Yeah, go ahead," he said softly, smiling a bit. 

Dan nudged him gratefully, and closed his eyes, quickly dozing off. 

Phil met PJ's eyes, beaming, and PJ gave him a look. "Mate, you've got it _so bad_ ," he teased, and Phil flushed brightly. 

"I do not," he hissed.

"Yes you do," Chris chimed in, grinning widely. "I mean, I don't blame you, he looks gorgeous." He kissed PJ's head when he got a look. "What the hell happened to him?"

Phil shook his head a bit, as confused as they were. "I honestly don't know," he mumbled back, wrapping an arm around Dan's waist to get into a more comfortable position and shivering just a bit at how soft and warm he felt in his arms.

"It's like he's cursed." PJ's eyes widened as soon as he said it. "Do y-you think he _is_? I mean, he's acting so different, I've never seen anything like it…” 

Phil bit his lip, thinking. "I... what curse would even do this?" He asked cautiously, pensive and uncertain.

There was silence for a moment before Chris spoke up. "I mean..." he hesitated. "If he was being controlled, it could be... no, no that's crazy, right? Who would even do that?"

"I'm sure he's not imperiused," Phil said immediately. "He would be more dreamy than this if he was." He didn't even realise that his fingertips were absentmindedly brushing along Dan's waist and hip.

Chris nodded. "Yeah... yeah, you're right. It's just weird... maybe he got sent to a boot camp or something? You know, like the ones they have to make you straight?" He frowned. "Only this one seems to have made him gayer..." PJ tugged at a strand of his hair, and Chris yelped.

Phil's blush darkened. He hadn't come out to anyone yet and his stomach twisted a bit to imagine Dan being gay; he wasn't sure why--it was something he'd never felt before. Almost hopeful but not quite.

PJ let himself slump over, resting his head in Chris's lap. "I'm s-sure it's fine," he mumbled, yawning. "Let's just keep an eye on him, yeah?"

Phil nodded. He opened Ash's cage and let her crawl out and into his lap, petting her as automatically and subconsciously as he was petting Dan.

Dan opened his eyes again nearly three hours later, blinking sleepily. PJ was asleep, but Chris was reading a book and Phil was looking out the window. He yawned, and it came out squeakier than he would have liked. Last year he would have been embarrassed and tried to cover it up... but now, he didn't really mind.

Phil turned toward him with a smile. "Hey," he whispered, squeezing Dan's hip a bit. "How'd you sleep?"

"Well," Dan mumbled, his voice soft, returning the smile. He shifted, but didn't sit up completely. He was far too comfortable. "Are we almost there...?"

"Another two hours," Phil replied, squeezing him a bit tighter for a moment before he blushed a bit and let go.

Dan nodded, laughing softly. "Good. I can't wait to get to my bed..." he grinned, scrunching his nose. "And I'm really hungry."

Phil smiled, almost shyly. "Yeah, me too... I'm kinda sad, Louise graduated last year so she won't be there..." He bumped his head up against Dan's gently.

Dan frowned sympathetically. "Oh, I'm sorry... at least you have me now." He giggled. "And I'm not being a total bitch..."

Phil beamed. "I always wanted to be your friend," he replied softly. "Ever since I first met you..."

"I wanted to be yours too..." He sighed, a bit sadly. "I guess fitting in meant more to me than loyalty. But not anymore. You almost got killed once, and that's quite enough, thank you very much."

Phil laughed, taking Dan's hand and squeezing just as he had their first year. He circled his thumb at the centre of his palm, slow and sweet.

Dan shivered at even the light touches, and he could feel himself relaxing against him. He could tell this was going to be a good year.

\----

The year progressed much better than any of the previous ones. Dan was actually being kind--to everyone. He'd been a bit vexed to hear that they thought he'd been cursed, but he'd gotten over that quickly. The one person who hadn't changed at all was Cat, and she had started being truly horrible to Dan as well as Phil. 

On a sunny Wednesday in early October, they walked down over the grounds to the outskirts of the forest to learn about bowtruckles in care of magical creatures. Hagrid told everyone to split into groups of three, and Dan and Phil ended up teaming up with Phil's housemate Sam: a short boy with blond hair, sparkly green eyes, and a carefree personality.

Dan's eyes fluttered over the boy, examining his features. "He's nice, right...?" He asked Phil, leaning over to whisper as the assignment was explained. "I've never talked to him..." he wanted to tell Phil he thought he was cute, but he wasn't sure how he'd react. He bit his lip.

Phil nodded. "Yeah, he's really sweet, I like him a lot," Phil confirmed. He actually had a little bit of a crush on Sam but he certainly wasn't about to tell Dan that. 

Dan nodded, clasping his hands behind his back. As soon as Hagrid stopped talking and they were left to themselves, Sam turned to face them from where he had been standing in front of them. "Hi," he said cheerfully, his eyes moving to Dan, and he held out his hand. "I don't think we've formally met...?" 

Dan shook his hand, his face pink. "No, we haven't... I'm D-Daniel," he said, glancing at Phil. Phil didn't know he didn't mind that name yet and he was afraid he'd laugh at him.

Phil smiled a bit; Dan had gotten so much more confident and it made Phil feel warm and happy to see it. "Hey Sam," he said familiarly, starting to sketch the bowtruckle they'd been given.

Dan felt a strange pang when Phil greeted Sam as if they were childhood friends, and he huddled closer to him, not wanting to be seen as a loner in front of this cute boy. "You're a good artist," he told Phil in a hushed voice, shivering from the cold.

Phil flushed noticeably and preened at the praise, gently bumping his shoulder up against Dan's. "Thanks," he whispered back. He saw Sam giving them a curious look and his blush darkened further.

Dan didn't notice, watching Phil's steady hand sketch the creature. He smiled, grabbing his sleeve automatically. It was just nice to be close to him now, he felt kind of protective after how the last year had ended.

Phil's breath caught a bit. He hated it, how his body seemed to light up every time Dan touched him, but he couldn't help it. He sent Sam a little smile as he started labelling the different limbs on his sketch.

The class seemed to last forever. Dan was latched onto Phil's side, but he kept glancing at Sam--he was rather pretty, and Dan found himself wondering if he liked boys, even though that was silly. He didn't even notice that while he was looking at the other Hufflepuff, Phil was looking at him.

Phil felt a rush of jealousy when he realised that Dan was focusing on Sam, and he tried not to focus too much on it. Dan was allowed to like people. Phil had no claim over him.

Finally they were dismissed, and Dan nearly skipped up the hill next to Phil, feeling giddy and light which he hadn't felt in quite a while. "Do you know much about him?" He asked as soon as they were out of earshot of Sam and the other students. "He has really nice eyes. Wait, is that weird? Probably." He giggled. "He's Hufflepuff, yeah? So you're around him a lot?" 

Phil tensed his jaw irritably. "Yeah," he finally managed. "He's a year older than me..." A muscle at his temple was twitching slightly and he hated how jealous he felt. He'd never been a jealous person before... why now? Why over Dan Howell, of all people?

Dan nodded thoughtfully. "Hm... well, whatever. It's not like I'd ever have a chance. Even if he... you know." He shrugged nonchalantly, if not a little sadly. He hadn't been able to rid himself of all his insecurities over the summer, clearly.

"He's straight," Phil said in a somewhat clipped tone. "But..." his voice softened. "If he wasn't I think you'd definitely have a chance..."

Dan turned to look at him curiously, his eyes brightening. "I figured. And..." he smiled, his dimples visible against his flushed cheeks, from both the cold and blushing profusely. "Thank you."

Phil smiled a bit at how pleased Dan looked. He was so lovely... "I'm just telling the truth, you don't have to thank me."

Dan stared at his hands, blushing even harder. It felt odd to have Phil complimenting him... after everything Dan had said and done to him the year before. It just proved that Phil was a genuinely good person... and Dan? Not so much. At least that was how he felt. 

Guilt burned at his stomach like acid and he chewed on the inside of his cheek. "But really, thank you. Even if you think you're telling the truth, you didn't have to say it..." he flashed him a shy smile. "It means a lot."

Phil nodded, a bit nervous. He wasn't entirely sure how to handle this, and god he really just wanted to grab Dan and kiss him breathless, but he forced that thought down. He let their hands gently brush as they walked, thinking. "Would you want to go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?" He blurted. It was the first weekend of the year that they were allowed to go into town.

Dan raised his eyebrows. "Oh, sure!" He had been expecting to just stay inside and nap and read, but he also hadn't anticipated getting invited to hang out with anyone... "I'd love to. Are Chris and PJ coming...?"

Phil had been trying to get Dan to go with just him, almost like a date though he wouldn't dare let himself even think that term, and he sighed a bit when Dan asked that. "O-oh... I can ask them," he said softly, running his hands through his hair and messing it up a bit so it stuck up like it had when he'd been younger.

Dan nodded, looking him over. He looked cute with his hair like that. God, since when did he think Phil Lester was cute? "They'll probably be busy, though," he added, raising his eyebrows. "On a date or something. That, or they'll ditch us right away." He laughed breathlessly as he hopped up the steps two at a time.

"Yeah, that's true," Phil agreed, trying to sound disappointed though he was actually quite excited. "I think it's supposed to rain that day, but we can just hide out in the Three Broomsticks and Honeydukes and drink butterbeer all day," he said with a little nervous laugh.

Dan nodded, his stomach squirming with excitement. "Can't wait."

\----

Saturday was stormy and chilly, as Phil had predicted, and he tugged on a cream coloured sweater over a navy blue flannel. It was chilly and the rain was slowly turning to sleet, but Phil didn't care. He met Dan in the entryway to the castle and he felt like the sun had come out when he saw him. "Hey."

Dan smiled brightly. "Hi," he mumbled, his head falling to the side like a puppy. Some curly hair fell in his face and he brushed it away. He was wearing a large sweater that was so barely tinted pink that it was hardly visible, but he had forgotten a jacket. He pulled the jumper tighter around himself, convincing himself he didn't need to go back, he would be fine. They would probably be inside most of the time like Phil said, he could handle a little cold. "Ready?"

Phil nodded, but he looked over Dan's outfit. "Won't you be cold?" He asked gently, taking a step closer and smoothing his hands over Dan's shoulders. The neckline of the sweater was wide enough that it showed off Dan's prominent collarbones and he bit his lip as he looked over them.

Dan shook his head, even though he was already visibly shivering. "I'm fine. I don't really want to go back..." 

Phil chuckled. "You're so stubborn. I'll get you one, just wait here okay?" He said gently, starting back down the stairs. He intended to go to Dan's dormitory but he had to pass by the Hufflepuff one first so he decided to just get Dan one of his coats... besides, he'd look pretty in it. He grabbed a denim jacket that would complement the pale pink sweater and started making his way back.

Dan waited for him, still shivering a bit. The air was brisk, just how Dan liked it... just not when he didn't have a jacket. He flinched as someone tapped his shoulder rather harshly from behind. "Hey," Cat said, smacking some bubblegum. 

Dan frowned. "Hi...?" His voice was cautious, and he took a step back. She had been even worse recently, ever since Dan had broken up with her. 

She looked him over, sneering. "You look like a fag in that sweater. And that _hair_." Dan flinched at the abrupt rudeness, and wondered if that was how he used to talk. 

"Yeah, well, fuck off. I didn't ask you," he shot back. She shrugged, taking her gum out of her mouth and stepping forward. Before Dan could react she grabbed a handful of his hair, easily sticking the gum to his curls. Dan yelped softly as she tugged. "There," she hissed, stepping back and admiring her handiwork. "That's better."

Phil came back and found Dan looking distinctly dejected, pouting by the door. On further inspection he saw a wad of pink gum in his hair. "Oh no, Dan," he said gently. "Come on, we can go to the kitchen and the house elves will give us some peanut butter!" He said quickly. 

“Is now really the time for peanut butter?” Dan asked, bewildered.

“It’s to get the gum out,” Phil explained through a laugh, looking at Dan fondly.

Most Hufflepuffs knew how to get into the kitchen as it was right beside their dormitory, and he quickly ushered Dan down the hall and tickled the pear, turning the doorknob that appeared and stepping inside. He greeted his favourite house elf, Suzi, and asked her for peanut butter which she immediately provided.

Dan didn't say anything as Phil pushed him into a chair, starting to play with his hair. He was just kind of sad, he was trying to get used to his natural hair and just ignore how it made him feel, and it had been working, he was starting to like it. Getting gum tangled in it (pretty well tangled, at that, Phil seemed to be struggling) wasn't helping. 

He sighed, but offered Phil a weak smile. "I've never put peanut butter in my hair before. Is that a muggle thing?" He teased halfheartedly.

Phil snorted. "Unless you know any spells for getting gum out of hair, peanut butter is the best way." He slowly worked the peanut butter in around the sticky gum til it finally slid free and then performing a quick scourgify to get rid of the peanut butter. "All better.Who put it there anyway?"

Dan bit his lip. "Cat," he nearly whispered, before looking up at him. "Thanks... let's just go, I-I really just wanna forget about it. We can pretend it didn't happen."

"Of course," Phil agreed. He thanked the house elves and they walked up the stairs and out onto the grounds. The rain was turning to slush on the ground and Phil grabbed Dan's hand under pretence of keeping warm.

Dan glanced at their intertwined fingers and smiled to himself, avoiding Phil's eyes. He had always had some odd feelings towards him, and now it was even harder to avoid. “Where are we going first?” 

"Honeydukes, if that's okay," Phil replied promptly. "I'm really craving chocolate." He subconsciously squeezed Dan's hand as they stepped off campus.

Dan grinned. "I'm always craving chocolate." He squeezed his hand back, blushing as they walked a bit faster; it was starting to hail, little pebble-sized balls of ice showering the ground around them.

Phil tugged Dan into the shop as soon as they got there, almost moaning when they were suddenly enveloped in sweet, candy-scented air. "This is heaven," he said decisively.

Dan giggled, watching his face instead of looking around like Phil was. "Indeed." He let go of his hand, pulling away so he wouldn't do anything stupid, or stare at Phil for hours.

Phil missed Dan's steadying presence but he shook off the little pang of loss and instead went to the counter and bought a large block of dark chocolate with almonds.

Dan just looked around until Phil had finished paying; he didn't really intend on buying anything, yet anyways. He was saving his money--for what, he wasn't sure. Besides, he wasn't very hungry, especially not for sweets.

Phil slid his hand into Dan's again when he had his paper bag of chocolate. "Three Broomsticks?" He asked. 

Dan nodded, pursing his lips and letting Phil lead him outside again. He was being particularly quiet, stuck in his thoughts, and he hoped Phil wouldn't notice or mind.

Phil ordered them each a butterbeer from Madam Rosmerta and then found a booth in the corner, sitting close to Dan. "Are you okay?" He asked gently, not relinquishing his hold on his hand.

Dan nodded, blinking. "Sorry. Just... distracted." He offered him a warm smile, nudging him gently.

"What's on your mind?" Phil queried, soft and curious, leaning into Dan's nudge.

Dan met his eyes, biting his lip. "I dunno..." he sighed. "I still feel so guilty for how I treated you the last few years. I don't deserve this," he added, motioning at Phil's hand that was still holding his. "And Cat just seemed so /mean/... is that how I acted?" He scrunched his nose. "It's gross, and I wish it hadn't taken you getting seriously hurt for me to realize it."

"Yeah... but it's all over now. You're actually really cool when you let yourself be, shockingly enough," Phil teased him. "It's okay... we all make mistakes when we're kids. And you learned from them, so I'd say you definitely deserve this," he murmured, squeezing softly.

Dan smiled, fondness swelling in his heart. Phil was such a good person... he didn't know how he had ever tormented him. He opened his mouth but was interrupted by Chris squeezing into his seat, and PJ doing the same to Phil, trapping them. "What are you kids up to?"

Phil blushed brightly, quickly letting go of Dan's hand. "N-nothing really," he said tentatively, meeting PJ's eyes and giving him a look.

PJ raised his eyebrows, clearly not getting the hint. "Are you... on a date?" He asked slowly. "We can go if you want, we d-didn't mean to interrupt a-anything."

Phil stifled an irritated groan. He didn't want that idea put into Dan's mind for fear he'd get overwhelmed and not want to spend time with Phil anymore--which was confirmed rather definitively by Dan choking on his sip of butterbeer and spluttering through assurances that they most definitely were _not_. Phil's intent to take Dan on a date that wasn't quite a date in label alone dissolved and he sighed heavily.

Dan's face was on fire and he pulled his sweater up automatically to hide it, covering half his face. "You didn't interrupt anything," he added. "You can stay..."

Phil sighed gloomily, giving PJ another look and taking another sip of his drink. At least now he knew how averse Dan was to anything even resembling a date with him.

PJ and Chris looked at each other for a second, a bit confused. PJ tapped Phil's shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a s-second?" He muttered, raising his eyebrows. "Over there? Very urgent."

"Yeah, I guess," Phil mumbled, standing up and following PJ across the room. "What's up?" He asked, looking rather resigned.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, frowning and searching Phil's face. "You seem upset... did we mess something up...?"

"No, there's nothing to mess up... I think Dan made that pretty obvious," he said gloomily, leaning against the wall.

Okay, now PJ got it. "Were you trying to..." he trailed off, and started over. "You like him, don't you? You w-were trying to spend time with him. By yourselves."

"I don't like him..." Phil whispered, clearly lying. His cheeks burned and he dropped his eyes. "It's fine... it wasn't important anyway..."

PJ bit his lip, nodding slowly. "Alright," he said, deciding not to push the subject. "Just... you know you c-can tell me anything, right? I told you about my... thing..."

"Yeah I know... I... I might like him a little bit," Phil breathed, barely audible. "But he doesn't like me, so I just have to forget about it."

PJ frowned sympathetically. "Maybe he does like you," he said quietly. "But he doesn't want to say it. Or admit it to himself, or anyone else. You do remember how closed off he was last year..." PJ touched his shoulder gently, squeezing. "Just give it some time."

"Maybe." Phil was unconvinced but he appreciated PJ trying. He gave him a quick hug and returned to the table, deciding to sit across from Dan instead of crowding in next to him again.

Dan glanced between them, having retreated from his sweater hideout. "What was so urgent?" He asked, laughing. But he was a tiny bit jealous again. _Fuck_.

"Just um... talking about... stuff," Phil said, wincing. He hadn't known it was possible to lie that unconvincingly. "It's nothing..."

Dan giggled, nodding dismissively. "Okay." He reached across to poke Phil's arm, but stopped himself. He would have been fine with it before, but with Chris and PJ watching... what if they thought he was flirting, and said something? His arm retreated back to his side.

Phil sighed a bit when Dan seemed reluctant even to touch him in front of their friends, and he wondered if Dan was ashamed of him. Maybe he still held onto some of the thoughts he'd built up about Phil during their first three years.

The atmosphere felt more tense, even though Chris and PJ had easily fell into banter, and Dan ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the part the gum had been in self consciously. He was grateful Phil had done such a good job of getting it out. Something came to him and he smiled, lightly nudging Phil's leg with his foot under the table.

Phil smiled a bit tightly at him and finished off his butterbeer. "I think I'm gonna head back up to the castle, call it an early evening," he mumbled, sliding out of the booth and stretching a bit before going toward the door without a glance back.

Dan frowned, licking his lips. Had he done something...? He was constantly afraid he was going to mess something up, or say something. He sighed, fighting with himself but deciding not to chase after him.

Part of Phil had wished Dan would come with him but he shook that thought off and tried not to attribute it to Dan liking Chris and PJ more than him. That was stupid and it was the sort of petty thing that would drive him mad if he let it. It was raining harder now and by the time he got to the castle he was shivering and his hair was sopping.

Chris touched Dan's arm. "Don't worry, he's probably just tired. He has moods sometimes just like the rest of us." He offered Dan a smile but Dan just sighed. 

PJ looked at him anxiously. "Dan, he cares about you... a lot. He really  _likes_ you. You should just talk to him about it." Dan shrugged, resting his head against the table. "I guess." Chris widened his eyes at PJ, and PJ shrugged back. He just didn't get it, and it wasn't like they could say it any more obviously than that.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this chapter fucking hurts.

"That's good!" Dan grinned widely as the desk flipped over, slamming into the ceiling. He flinched at the loud noise but laughed nonetheless. He was helping Phil study for a quiz in charms and he was practicing an anti-gravity spell--one with a lot of s's in it. "That's really good, Phil!"

Phil beamed, blushing a bit. He was getting excited to the point of stuttering a bit but Dan praising him was definitely helping stop his lisp--purely because he wanted Dan to tell him that he was doing well, and hearing it made him feel warm and happy.

Dan looked him over; he was nearly glowing, absolutely radiant. Dan's heart fluttered. "Try it again, just like that. That was amazing."

Phil repeated the charm on a chair, pleased when it worked perfectly. He reversed it and then ran to Dan, hugging him tightly. "I'm doing it," he murmured against his shoulder, trembling both with excitement at his achievement and with the feelings always associated with proximity to Dan. "Thank you for helping me..."

Dan hugged him back, grinning. "Of course," he muttered, playing with his hair instinctively. "That's what friends are for." He breathed in his scent, savoring the time he got to be this close to him.

A shiver ran down Phil's spine when Dan toyed with his hair and he melted into the touch with a soft sigh, squeezing Dan a bit tighter.

Dan pulled back after a second, blushing and chuckling nervously "I'm really proud of you," he told him sincerely. "I wouldn't be able to handle a stutter and lisp like you do."

Phil felt a rush of fondness for Dan; he'd always acted when they were younger as if Phil was somehow lesser because of his speech issues and the way he said that made Phil's chest feel tight in the best possible way. "Th-thank you..." he whispered, reluctantly releasing Dan.

Dan nodded, his stomach squirming. "We should probably... get to class." They had skipped when Dan had found him practicing by himself, upset and frustrated.

"I guess so," Phil mumbled, sighing softly and stepping away. They'd been so close together and Phil had nearly built up the nerve to kiss him but he was too scared.

"Oh yeah," Dan muttered, pushing open the door. "I never apologized for trying to kiss you a couple years ago." He blushed, staring at his hands as he walked. "It was messed up, I was messed up. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

Phil bit his lip. "It's... it's really okay," he replied softly, moving a bit closer and bumping their shoulders together as they made their way to divination.

Dan smiled. "Good." He laughed. "I promise I'm over... whatever that was," he lied.

Phil's good mood deflated rapidly at that and his chest ached. "Yeah... that's good..." he muttered gloomily. His hair was sticking up again from how many times he'd run his hands through it while he was practicing spells, and he reached up to fix it.

Dan sighed, nodding again and grabbing Phil's sleeve to keep him from touching his hair as they walked. He gave him a look. "It looks nice like that. Kinda wild."

Phil rolled his eyes. "No, it looks stupid," he contradicted him, but he blushed at the compliment and didn't adjust it.

Dan bit his lip to keep himself from rambling for hours about how beautiful Phil looked. It was getting harder to get through the day without doing that.

Phil was still lost in thought about Dan saying he'd 'gotten over' what he'd felt for Phil, though he hadn't identified exactly what those emotions were, as they climbed up the ladder to the loft where divination was held. The incense-filled air made him feel sleepy and as he settled onto one of the soft beanbags on the floor he rested his head on Dan's shoulder.

Dan smiled, gently running his fingers through his hair even though he had stopped Phil from doing so. "You can sleep if you want," he whispered to him. "I'll cover for you."

Phil shook his head slowly. He wanted to stay awake; he just wanted to be aware of every moment spent in Dan's presence. "No, it's okay... I just want to--" he barely stopped himself from saying 'cuddle.'

Dan frowned at the cut off, but nodded, wrapping his arms around him. "Alright."

Phil quaked in Dan's arms when he pulled him closer, turning his face toward Dan and burying it against his shoulder, breathing him in.

The class seemed to last for hours before they were dismissed, but that was probably because Phil was finding it hard to breathe. He was snug and warm in Dan’s arms, and at one point they met eyes, and a shock jolted through him. 

In the hallway, they ran into Cat. "Hey," she said, and she sounded malicious. 

"Hey," Phil replied, when he saw that Dan looked rather anxious. He was still a bit breathless from how close Dan had cuddled him, and he blushed softly just at the memory. "How are you?" He asked in a forcibly kind tone.

Cat narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm fine," she answered, her voice pointed and sharp. She turned back to Dan. "Here. This is for you." She handed him a glass bottle that looked to have water in it. 

Dan frowned. "Okay...?" 

She shrugged. "Some kid with curly hair gave it to me. Said to give it to you." She continued when Dan stared at her, wary. "Don't worry, I didn't poison it," she snapped. "I'm not a _monster_." 

Phil bit his lip, unsure and mistrustful, but Cat had already moved on. "What do you think it is?"

Dan frowned, examining the vial. "Maybe he's practicing some potion or something." He met Phil's eyes. "I don't know, but if it's from PJ I trust it... I just don't trust Cat."

Phil nodded anxiously. "Yeah, I guess..." he agreed, but he was still a bit nervous.

Dan shrugged, tossing it back and swallowing it. He was quite an impulsive person, and he just decided to do it and see what happens. It wasn't like she would get away with killing him. 

He shrugged again, turning to Phil. He felt nothing strange until something warm washed over him, but it passed a second later. "Nothing," he said dismissively, tossing the bottle into the trash bin in the hall. 

Phil knew some potions had delayed effects so he resolved to keep an eye on Dan for a couple days at least. He bumped against him again, just wanting to be close to him.

Dan smiled at him. "I'm gonna have a nap," he muttered. "I'm sleepy. I'll meet with you and the others for dinner...?"

Phil nodded and gave Dan a quick hug. Maybe it had just been a sleeping potion; a feeble idea of a prank, but at least it wasn't harmful. "See you later," he said with a smile, and he walked off toward the library to do some studying.

\----

When Dan woke up he felt... strange. Dreamy, like he was floating. He frowned, touching his face and chest to make sure it wasn't anything physical. It didn't seem to be... so what was it? He quickly got dressed again, rushing down the stairs and out of the common room. 

All thoughts and confusion left his head as soon as he saw Phil, down the hall, Chris and PJ by his side. His heart was pounding and oh my god, Phil looked so... _attractive_. He nearly squealed, running over to them and almost jumping on Phil, enveloping him in a hug. "Hi, Phil-!"

Phil gasped a bit, blushing, and hugged Dan back. "Hey," he said softly, a bit bemused but still pleased. "What's up? How was your nap?"

Dan pulled back, but grabbed his sleeve, not wanting to be separated from him for a second. "It was so good." He smiled widely, his eyes dilated. He heard Chris say something, but he wasn't paying attention. He only had eyes for Phil.

"Are you... feeling alright?" Phil asked gently, pressing the back of his hand to Dan's forehead to see if he was feverish but finding his temperature normal. He was loving this attention but it was such an abrupt shift in behaviour that he felt sure something had to be wrong.

Dan's heart raced when Phil touched him. "I feel amazing," he told him, a bit dreamily. "Let's go, I'm hungry." He took his hand, intertwining their fingers.

Phil gently squeezed Dan's hand and looked over at PJ. He gestured him closer and whispered in his ear, "I think he might have been given a love potion... Cat gave him something earlier and said it was from you, I'm assuming that's not true?"

PJ frowned, surprised. "No, no, of course not... I w-wouldn't give her anything anyways. You think that's what it was...?"

"Why else would he be acting like this...? He's straight," Phil said softly, voice breaking a bit, as much a reminder to himself as it was to PJ.

PJ raised his eyebrows. "And who told you that, him?" He asked, nudging him. He turned to Dan. "Hey Dan, who's your favorite person?" 

Dan blushed, biting his lip. "Probably Phil." 

PJ chuckled. "Of course he is."

Phil's cheeks flushed brightly and he dropped his eyes, trying to hide his pleased grin. "It could still just be the potion," he mumbled halfheartedly to PJ, squeezing Dan's hand softly, but his heart was pounding.

PJ nodded. "If so, we have to reverse it," he replied.

Phil looked rather sad but he knew PJ was right. He couldn't keep Dan under the influence of a potion for such selfish reasons. "Yeah... but the antidote takes like, ten days to brew, and there's only three days left of school."

PJ shrugged. "I guess we'll have to do it over break." He gently squeezed Phil's arm. "It'll be okay--just enjoy it while it lasts." He winked.

Phil shook his head with a long sigh, feeling like the weight of the world had descended on him. He couldn't let himself enjoy this; Dan would hate him if he didn't try to keep him from doing this and making a fool out of himself.

"Phill..." Dan hummed, brushing some hair out of his eyes. "I changed my mind. Do you wanna skip dinner...? We could go to the lake." He watched him hopefully. "Please?"

Phil glanced at PJ and he nodded encouragingly. "I... Yeah, okay," he agreed tentatively, still holding Dan's hand. They broke apart from Chris and PJ and went toward the large oak doors to outside. It was cold and there was a light dusting of snow on the ground; the edges of the lake had picturesque crystals of ice clinging to the grassless banks.

Dan sighed happily, his breath forming a cloud in the icy air. "I love this weather," he whispered, biting his lip. He squeezed Phil's hand.

"Me too," Phil agreed, pulling his school robes more closely around himself. He forced himself to turn away from Dan; he looked so beautiful and Phil felt like he couldn't take his eyes off him. 

Dan didn’t bother to look away, the potion taking away his self control. "You're gorgeous," he muttered, his eyes flickering over his face. " _Really_ gorgeous." He smiled, blushing and looking away again.

Phil's heart fluttered, and his breath caught. "Thank you... you are too," he whispered, brushing his thumb over the back of Dan's hand gently.

Dan shivered, leaning closer to him. When they got closer to the edge of the water he sat down, feeling the cold seep through his robes but not caring. He tugged at Phil's hand to pull him down as well.

Phil sat beside him, quivering a bit in the cold and blushing when Dan wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him closer. "Hey..." he said nervously.

"Hi." Dan rested his head on the other boy's shoulder, sighing contentedly. "I have to tell you something..."

"Okay..." Phil said softly, his stomach squirming. "Go ahead..." He bumped his head against Dan's, sighing a bit. This was complete torture; knowing that Dan didn't really like him but he was magically influenced to act like he did.

Dan glanced up at him, his eyes sparkling. "I really like you..." he played with Phil's fingers, weaving them between his own. "A lot. I really  _really_ like you."

Phil very nearly started crying but he blinked back the tears. "Yeah... I um... yeah," he whispered back. He didn't want to admit to how he felt for fear that once Dan came back to himself he would remember it and wouldn't want to be friends. "You're a really good friend."

Dan flinched, drawing away a bit, but it was only for a second. Then he moved closer again, swinging his legs so they could rest over Phil's. "Okay," he got out, his voice breaking. But he bounced back quickly. "I like your hair right now."

"Oh no, what's it doing?" Phil groaned, reaching up to feel that it had adjusted itself in the wind into a messy quiff.

Dan giggled. "No, don't worry, it looks cute." He reached over, pulling Phil's hand away. "It always looks cute."

Phil smiled softly, gently pulling Dan closer and sighing. He wondered if this had been Cat's intent--to torture him and possibly fuck up his friendship with Dan. How was he supposed to keep denying his feelings when Dan was all over him, and how the hell was he supposed to bounce back from him when everything he wanted was so close but would be torn away once he gave Dan the antidote.

Dan reached up to touch his face, gently, feeling his icy skin under his fingertips. "What are you thinking about?"

"O-oh, nothing... it's n-not important..." Phil mumbled back, meeting Dan's eyes and feeling his breath catch in his chest.

Dan pulled him a bit closer, wanting to be able to touch him as much as possible. Their noses were nearly brushing and he glanced at Phil's lips. "You sure? You can tell me anything..."

Phil was hyperventilating and getting no oxygen at all, the quick, shallow breaths fogging his thoughts. "I'm sure," he whispered. He could feel Dan's breaths against his lips and he was shaking uncontrollably.

Dan's hand that wasn't on his face moved to his shoulder, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. "I..." he trailed off, not sure what to say.

Phil was noticing details about Dan's face he'd never seen before: his lashes curved prettily and cast shadows on his cheeks, his brown eyes were flecked with gold, and his lips, though currently a bit chapped, were soft and pink and _so kissable_. He gently rubbed Dan's back, without even noticing he was doing it.

Dan leaned forward a bit more so their noses were touching, an overwhelming urge to kiss him taking over his thoughts. He wasn't nervous---the potion was controlling that part of his emotions as well---he just  _wanted_ it. In a sudden movement he closed the distance, pressing his cold mouth to Phil's, his eyes falling shut.

Phil whimpered softly when Dan connected their lips, his hand sliding up into his curls to hold him close. He wasn't thinking straight, he just wanted Dan to keep kissing him forever.

Dan hummed against him, grabbing at the fabric of his robes. He was practically in his lap already, so it was easy to stay close. Something in the back of his head nagged at him, made him aware that it just felt _wrong_ , like he wasn't actually kissing him; as if it were a dream. But he sure as hell didn't want to wake up, and he wasn't going to be the one to pull away.

Phil felt like he was floating, his mind pleasantly blank, until he felt Dan's tongue brush against his lower lip. That brought him bumping firmly back to reality and he pulled away, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. "We can't do this..." he whispered, embarrassed by how breathy and shaky his voice was even when he tried to sound firm. "You aren't thinking for yourself right now and I don't want you to think I took advantage of you when you go back to normal..."

Dan blinked at him. "What do you mean I'm not... thinking for myself...?" He frowned, trying to pull him closer again. "Phil, _I want you_. It's the truth, what do you mean when I go back to normal? This  _is_ normal."

Phil shook his head, unbearably sad. "No... no it isn't, Dan you... Cat gave you a love potion... you wouldn't feel like this without the potion," he said softly, gently caressing Dan's cheek and biting down on his lip to try to keep from crying.

"Oh." Dan's mind still felt hazy and dazed, and he pressed his lips together. "Well th-then I don't care," he said decisively. "I d-don't want to be myself if myself isn't wanting you." He felt so strongly about it that he didn't want to be normal again, all he wanted was to be with Phil. The potion had taken over every bit of his self control.

Dan's words hurt because he knew it was just the potion speaking. "No, Dan we _can't_ ," Phil said helplessly, and then the tears were coming and he couldn't stop them. They froze on his cheeks and he stood up abruptly, needing to get away from this situation. He stalked away up to the castle, feeling much colder now that Dan wasn't with him, and struggled to keep from breaking down completely as he made his way to the Hufflepuff common room.

Dan stayed where he was, watching him go, wanting to follow him but wanting him to be happy more. And he clearly wasn't happy. He sat there, bewildered, wondering what he had done wrong and how he could possibly fix it.

Phil went to his room and paced for a while before Sean finally got sick of it and told him to go somewhere else if he couldn't be still; then he went up to the Gryffindor common room and waited til a second year came flouncing down the hall, about to say the password. "Can you get PJ for me?" He asked her, voice hoarse and shattered, wincing a bit when she stared at him. He supposed it must have been obvious he'd been crying but was thankful when she didn't say anything and just nodded.

PJ found Phil in the hall, and instantly frowned. "What's wrong?" He asked, his voice laced with worry. "Have you been crying? What happened?"

Phil immediately started crying again when PJ asked; he couldn’t help it… the empathy in his voice resonated in his chest and he leaned against the wall, feeling like he couldn't hold himself up otherwise. "He kissed me a-and I couldn't let him Peej, he would h-hate me when the potion gets reversed... I t-told him to stop and..." he shook his head, sobbing. It had taken so much willpower to make Dan stop, and he knew he'd done the right thing, but it still felt like an awful ache in his chest.

"C'mere," PJ muttered, pulling him into a hug. He rubbed his back soothingly. "It's alright, you did the right thing, that's--that takes a lot of s-strength, Phil. I'm proud of you." He pulled back, placing his hands on his shoulders. "He won't hate you. I promise he won't." He bit his lip. "But we definitely need to reverse this."

Phil nodded, still sniffling and hiccuping softly, his whole body shaking. "I... should I just stay away from him til Christmas break starts?" He asked sadly, thinking it would probably be best if Dan didn't see him til he had the antidote. "I'm staying at school over break, I can brew it and give it to him when he comes back."

PJ nodded. "Yeah, good idea. I'll help, if you'd like, and I'm s-sure Chris will too..."

Phil smiled gratefully. "Yeah, that would be good," he agreed. "Thank you..."


	9. Chapter 9

Dan stared at Phil nervously, glancing at the vial he was holding, tugging at a strand of his chestnut hair. "I--I don't know." He met his eyes. "Do I have to?"

Phil nodded. He was exhausted; love potion antidotes were difficult to make, and he'd stayed up nights nursing it. Not to mention, over the entire two weeks of winter break Dan had sent him letters daily telling him how much he adored him in a hundred different ways and it was taxing on his emotions to have to forcibly remind himself that those weren't Dan's genuine feelings. 

"I sure as hell didn't spend ten days brewing this just so you wouldn't take it," he said, a bit sourly. He'd also bought Dan a square of salted caramel fudge to lift his spirits after the effects of the potion were reversed.

Dan sighed. "Fine," he mumbled, taking the cup from him. He hesitated, leaning forward and kissing Phil's cheek before drinking it in one swallow.

Phil almost wished Dan had slapped him instead; it would have made this all so much easier. He let out a soft, pained sound when he saw the fondness drain from Dan's face seconds after he drank the potion. "Alright... well... that's that," he said quietly, handing Dan the little Honeydukes bag and dropping his eyes so Dan wouldn't see how sad he looked.

Dan blinked, taking it as the effects ebbed away. "Thanks..." he bit his lip, shaking his head to get rid of the last of the dreaminess. "You okay?"

"Yeah, of course, I'm relieved!" Phil said in a strange, overly hearty voice he'd never heard himself use before. "Right well... I have studying to do," he added, still in that exuberant tone that didn't fit his feelings at all. "I'll see you later."

"Wait--" Dan caught his sleeve, hesitating before pulling him back and giving him a brief hug. He felt like crying--oh god, Phil sounded so uncomfortable. He had embarrassed himself, and forced himself on him... He pulled back sooner than he would have liked. "Thank you. For... helping me. I know that took a lot of work."

"Yeah, no problem," Phil assured him, voice a bit choked. "I'll always help you... with anything you need me to do." He gave him a tight smile and started the walk to the library, curling up in one of the window seats and watching as snow fell from a steely sky.

Dan watched him go, tears stinging his eyes. He really had messed everything up... He would keep his distance from now on. For both of their sakes.

\----

Phil spent the next several weeks focusing mostly on school and isolating himself from everyone. Finally, on a sunny day in late March, when the ground was still muddy from the freshly melted snow, PJ asked him to come out to the grounds with him and Chris. 

What he didn't mention was that they'd also invited Dan. It was rather tense and Phil considered just leaving, but he knew he had to work back toward a semi-normal friendship with Dan, so he forced himself to be cordial.

Dan glanced at him, moving so he was closer to him, between Phil and PJ. "Hi," he muttered. It felt weird that he hadn't talked to him for awhile.

"Hey..." Phil mumbled back, a bit stiffly. "How have you been?" He ventured, feeling almost shy. Their dynamic had shifted so abruptly because of the whole debacle with the love potion that he felt a bit dizzy, and he didn't quite know how to interact with Dan anymore.

"Awful," he admitted in a whoosh of air. "I miss you, and I fucking hate Cat." He tensed as he waited for Phil's reaction.

"I miss you too..." Phil admitted softly, biting his lip. "And I always hated Cat," he added with a small smirk.

Dan groaned. "I  _wish_ I always hated her." Something familiar flashed in his eyes. "We should get back at her."

Phil's mouth twisted in distaste. "You can if you want but... I'm not really the revenge type. I'm more of a pacifist." He disliked seeing that expression on Dan's face; it reminded him too much of the one Dan had worn when he'd pinned Phil against the wall and forced him to piss himself. 

Dan nodded, the glint disappearing as soon as it appeared. "You're right... I just... _god_." He sighed.

Phil nodded his understanding with a frown. "I know..." He normally would have taken Dan's hand at that point but he felt almost as though he'd lost that privilege.

"I'm sorry..." Dan chewed on his lip. "For everything I did while I... you know... I'm sorry if I made it weird."

Phil shivered a bit and bit his lip, trying not to think too much about it. "It's okay... it is kinda weird but like... it's not your fault. It just..." He sighed heavily and dropped his eyes. It wasn't Dan's fault but that didn't stop it from hurting.

Dan nodded, pursing his lips. "I get it," he said softly. They soaked in the silence until Chris asked Dan a question, and the subject was dropped.

Phil let himself zone out then, not realising how dejected he looked. He just couldn't think about anything but Dan, and the memories kept running over and over through his mind.

Dan looked up for a split second and noticed some Slytherin boys by the water, all laughing and joking around. One of them tried to shove another into the lake, and Dan flinched, wondering if they would be peaceful or not. He decided to just ignore them and try to walk past.

Phil snapped out of his state of dissociation when he heard raucous yells and he automatically gravitated closer to his friends. Chris and PJ were in front of him and Dan and their hands were linked together.

One of the boys turned to look at them, his cruel eyes scoping over Chris and PJ. He smirked. "So who bottoms, fags?" He shouted. "You both look like fuckin' twinks, but my bet's on the curly one."

Phil was about to speak up, consequences be damned, but Chris beat him to it, shouting back, "shut the fuck up, he doesn't even  _like_ sex." 

Pj blushed to the tips of his ears and hissed, "Chris!"

Dan's mouth dropped open---not at the comment but the fact that Chris had made it. The boy frowned, clearly confused, and started towards them. "Maybe we should--" Dan started, but the guy was already close before he could finish. 

"What do you mean?" He asked Chris, grabbing him by the shirt. "Maybe he just doesn't like it with you. You’re hideous, it’s understandable.”

PJ did the last thing Phil expected--he swung out and decked the guy across the jaw, sending him sprawling on the grass. Chris, Phil, and Dan all looked at him in awe, and Dan, the only pureblood, whispered, "you didn't even use your wand." PJ's blush darkened and he smiled sheepishly. "S-sorry... just got pissed..."

Dan laughed, still astonished. "Maybe  _now_ we should go," he muttered as the other boys finally seemed to notice them.

"Definitely," Phil agreed, grabbing Dan's hand and taking off in the direction of the quidditch pitch with Chris and PJ close behind them. They reached it, Phil panting and clutching a stitch in his side but still chuckling breathlessly. "Fuck," he whispered through shaky breaths. The Slytherins were just a cluster of dots in the distance.

Dan was tempted to grab him and kiss him until he saw stars, use the adrenaline flowing through his veins, but he didn't. " _Fuck_ ," he agreed, grinning wildly. He turned to PJ, pointing at him. "You're fucking untouchable."

PJ beamed, his grin widening when Chris kissed him hard. Phil felt a wave of envy but he pushed it away. Their relationship was perfect and Phil was jealous of it on a daily basis. He realised still hadn't let go of Dan's hand and he quickly dropped it, blushing. "Sorry."

Dan's face tinted pink. "It's okay," he mumbled, his voice breaking. He looked up to see Chris and PJ staring at them, and blushed harder.

Phil licked his lips, still trying to catch his breath. "We should go back up to the castle," he suggested, smiling a bit at Dan.

Dan nodded. It seemed like that incident had broken the tension, and he was almost grateful.

\----

Phil was surprised when PJ came to him asking for help in potions a few days later. "I set up the room of requirement as a potions lab so we can work on this, I just really need to practice for the exam. Can you please help?" He asked hopefully. 

Phil agreed immediately, though he was a bit puzzled; PJ was just as good in potions as he was, but he would always help his friend. They made their way up to the seventh floor and to the room of requirement, and then PJ shoved Phil inside and shut the door. Phil heard a locking charm from the outside and no matter how many times he said alohomora and knocked, the door remained locked. 

He huffed a frustrated sigh and turned around, gasping a bit, first when he saw that Dan was there with him--he hadn’t even noticed him in his frantic efforts to get out--and again when he glanced around the room. It was a large chamber with high ceilings and an enormous fireplace. Against one wall stood an extravagant four post bed with plum sheets and a cream-coloured duvet. There was a door in one corner that opened onto a huge bathroom with a glass-walled shower. "What the hell?" Phil asked, bewildered and rapidly getting more and more pissed with PJ.

Dan stared at the ground, his cheeks tinted a dark shade of red. He played with his hands anxiously. "What'd he tell you? Studying?" He frowned when Phil nodded. "Yeah. Me too."

Phil nodded, frowning. "Why would they... why?" He asked, anxious and irritated.

Dan shrugged, eyes downcast. "I-I don't know. It's p-probably just a joke..."

Phil let out a long sigh and settled into one of the plush armchairs by the fireplace.

"So..." Dan hummed nervously, playing with his hair. "Um... what do we do? When do you think they'll let us out?"

"I don't know," Phil groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "I think I might know why they did it..."

Dan raised his eyebrows. "Why...?" He couldn't think of a reason other than to be obnoxious.

"Well... I-I'm bi and PJ really wants me to get a boyfriend..." He paused for a moment then rushed to clarify, "B-but I don't like you like that, I think they're just being stupid." It wasn’t the whole truth… He actually knew that PJ wanted him and Dan to get together. But he most certainly wasn’t about to say that.

Dan's heart jolted, for some reason, and he looked away from Phil's face again. "I... yeah. Me t-too," he nearly whispered, which was something he hadn't admitted to himself yet, so he blushed harder.

"Yeah, I kinda figured since you tried to kiss me second year without a love potion involved," Phil replied with a shrug.

Dan flinched, hurt clouding over his mind. He pulled his legs up to his chest, not dignifying the comment with a response. 

Phil sighed a bit, realising he'd been too blunt and hurt Dan’s feelings. "I'm sorry," he said gently, standing up and joining Dan on the bed, wrapping an arm around him and squeezing.

Dan sighed, but let Phil touch him, his heart speeding up. "It's okay," he mumbled. "I know I tried to kiss you… and maybe you knew I liked boys… but I didn't and it was really scary."

Phil felt even guiltier and he pulled Dan closer, hugging him properly. "I'm really sorry..." he said again, whispering the words against Dan's shoulder.

Dan sniffed, finally letting himself hug back. His head rested against Phil. "It's okay, r-really..."

Phil wanted to kiss him... he wanted to so badly but he knew he couldn't so he just pulled back with a soft sigh, sad to let go of him.

Dan scratched the back of his neck. "So what do we do?" He asked, bringing back the subject of why they were here and how to leave.

"We could make out," Phil blurted, then forced a laugh to make it seem like he'd been kidding, cursing his impulsiveness.

Dan's eyes widened, and his cheeks went even darker, if that was possible. "W-what?" he whispered, stumbling over his words. "Oh, you're--you're j-joking... right?" He kind of hoped he wasn't, but he pushed it back.

"Yeah, of course, I was just saying it because it’s probably what they want..." Phil confirmed, though he sighed softly at how embarrassed and uncomfortable Dan seemed.

Dan nodded, his hopes dying. "I'm gonna kill Chris," he mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah," Phil agreed fervently, though he knew they had different reasoning for being pissed.

Dan fell back on the bed, his head bouncing against the mattress. "At least it's comfortable." He laughed, kicking his legs against the side. "They could have given us... a sleeping bag. This isn't the _worst_ thing they could have done."

"No, but if I had intended to deflower you in the room of requirement I think a sleeping bag might have deterred me," Phil teased archly, poking the strip of Dan's belly that was visible beneath the hem of his shirt. His eyes lingered a bit on the smooth skin and soft trail of light hair that led from his navel into his jeans.

Dan giggled, slapping his hand away. "You're just using big words to sound cool," he teased, stretching his arms above his head, exposing even more of his stomach.

Phil shivered and tore his eyes away, having to haul his mind away from thoughts of pressing Dan down and running his hands all over him. "Oh I sounded cool, huh?" He asked, voice lilting, lying down beside Dan on his side and looking at his profile.

Dan glanced at him, his eyelashes fluttering over his cheeks. "Yeah," he answered, laughing. "You always sound cool."

Phil moved closer til he was pressed up against Dan's side and tucked his face into his shoulder. "So do you."

Dan laughed again, his voice hitching a bit at the closeness. "Oh yeah, how so?"

Phil shrugged. "I dunno... you just do. You're interesting and funny and I like listening to you talk." His voice was a bit sleepy, and he felt like he might be lulled to sleep just by being this close to Dan.

Dan looked at him again, looking over his face carefully. "You do?" He didn't know why that meant so much but he was one to ramble, and he had always been told to just keep his mouth shut, because no one cared. He licked his lips.

Phil nodded, not catching onto why Dan was so surprised. "Yeah... especially when you're talking about something you're passionate about because your eyes light up and you trip over your words and it's really cute."

Dan's heart swelled with fondness and he pulled Phil closer, hugging him tightly. "Thank you," he breathed, kissing his cheek on impulse. "I'm glad you think so."

Phil gasped shakily when Dan kissed his cheek and he blushed furiously, pulling back a bit, clearly nervous. "You d-don't have to thank me..." he mumbled.

Dan winced at how uncomfortable he seemed, letting go of him. He had promised himself he could keep his distance and he was clearly failing. He lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling. "When do you think they'll let us go?" He asked after a few minutes.

As if on cue, Phil heard the lock click. "Now, apparently," he replied, relief and disappointment hitting him in equal measure. "Come on." He slid off the bed and opened the door, immediately grabbing PJ by his robes and pulling him into a small alcove in the stone wall. "What the  _hell_ were you thinking?" He hissed angrily.

PJ squeaked in surprise. "I'm s-s-sorry-! We just thought..."

"Yeah, you thought wrong. If this is gonna work  _at all_ then it needs to happen naturally. That was the most awkward situation I've ever been in in my entire life," Phil ranted, absolutely fuming. "He kissed my cheek and then he looked so regretful and I don't know how many more times I can handle seeing that look on his face."

Guilt obscured PJ's mind and he bit his lip. "I'm sorry... we thought it might help... Dan clearly likes you, Phil." He winced. "Can you let me go now?"

"Yeah, sorry," Phil mumbled, dropping his hands and sighing heavily. "What do you mean he 'clearly likes me?' He... no he doesn't..."

PJ frowned. "Well... I did some research. The love potion wouldn't have worked as strongly if he liked only girls, yes, but... it also wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't like you even a little." He shrugged. "But maybe you're right... I mean, if it was true, he would have obsessed over you even over break." 

Phil blushed, thinking about the stash of letters he kept secret under a loose floorboard beneath his bed. "I... y-yeah, I..." He trailed off. He was at a loss for words, stammering and not really saying anything.

PJ touched his shoulder. "Even so, have you seen the way he looks at y-you?" He squeezed. "Sorry for all this. We t-thought we were being funny and maybe helpful, but... apparently not."

"It's okay..." Phil mumbled thoughtfully, considering. "And... no, I haven't seen how he looks at me, what do you mean?"

PJ laughed. "When you aren't looking, he stares at you like you're the only f-fucking person in the world." He smiled. "You don't see half of it, Phil. He has it r-really bad."

Phil wanted so badly for it to be true but he couldn't let himself believe it. "You're just biased..." he mumbled, shy and bashful.

PJ rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say. One day you'll see it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the obnoxiously erratic uploading schedule my dudes, depression is a trip lmao.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter has a fuckton of them being idiots and not communicating and struggling to make shit work because they're teenagers. It's immensely frustrating to read and even more infuriating to write. Hope you enjoy it lmao

Phil had spent the entire summer thinking about Dan. He decided that this would be the year he would tell him; it sounded good in theory, but he wasn't sure if he'd manage to build up the nerve. 

On September first he brought his trunk and his cat to platform nine and three quarters and glanced around, looking for Dan. He saw him after a few minutes standing with Chris and PJ and he joined them, smiling. "H-hey," he said softly, glancing at Dan. “You made prefect too!” He added excitedly, seeing the shining badges on Dan’s and PJ’s chests. Chris hadn’t gotten it, but he didn’t seem the least bit put out; in fact, he seemed rather pleased that he wouldn’t have to be the ‘face of the school’ as McGonagall had put it in their announcement letters.

Dan smiled widely at him, carefully setting down Abi’s cage before enveloping him in a huge hug. "I missed you," he muttered against his neck.

Phil shuddered a bit in Dan's arms and hugged him back. "I missed you too," he whispered back. They hugged for a bit longer than was necessarily strictly platonic before Chris cleared his throat and Phil pulled back blushing.

Dan laughed nervously, playing with his hands. He beamed at the other two. "I missed you two as well."

PJ rolled his eyes and Phil smiled nervously at him, giving him a quick hug. The first train whistle sounded, indicating they had five minutes, and they quickly grabbed their things and boarded, finding an empty compartment.

"This year's gonna be good," Dan announced happily, sitting close to Phil. "I can feel it. And if Cat gives us shit again, it won't bother me." He laughed.

Phil's blush hadn't subsided at all, and Dan was close enough that their hips and thighs were pressed together. "It is gonna be good," he murmured, putting a hand on Dan's thigh without thinking. He quickly withdrew it when PJ gave him a look.

Dan pressed his lips together to keep from smiling too hard, his gaze falling to his hands. The train ride was somehow simultaneously relaxed and tense. 

Phil was trembling a bit from how much he wanted to just pull Dan close and never let him go. As it started getting dark outside, he allowed himself to press closer and lay his head on Dan's chest, shutting his eyes.

Dan's breath caught and he stared down at him, because he wasn't looking and he felt like he could get away with it. His hand hovered over his head before gently running his fingers through his messy jet black hair.

Phil shivered and wrapped his arms around Dan's waist to get comfortable, already half asleep, letting out a breathy sigh at the feeling of his fingers carding through his hair. Ash shifted so that she was stretched across both their laps; she'd gotten so much bigger in the years since he'd gotten her.

Dan licked his lips, looking up and catching Chris's eye. He was smirking. Dan stuck his tongue out at him, blushing and mouthing 'buzz off.’

Phil slept comfortably on Dan til the train stopped, sitting up blearily and looking at Dan with a smile. In his half asleep state he almost leaned in to kiss him but he managed to control himself, just gently bumping their foreheads together instead.

Dan laughed softly, squeezing his arm. He held back the words 'you're so adorable', instead simply standing up and helping Phil up as well.

Phil put a grumpy Ash back into her cage and then followed Dan down off the train. He was glad that the tension between them had dispersed a bit over the summer, and they could be more physical and touchy again. 

They helped the first years board the boats with Hagrid, and then made their way over to the long row of carriages. Once they found an empty one, he cuddled up to him again, yawning. "Sorry for being all over you," he mumbled, though he made no move to stop.

Dan laughed. "It's alright. If you weren't I would be." He started playing with his hair again automatically. "I missed you a lot."

Phil leaned up and softly nuzzled at Dan's jaw, not kissing even though he really wanted to. "I missed you too..."

Dan shivered. The line between a relationship and just friends was so blurry, but he wasn't thinking about that. He was trying not to. There was no way in hell Phil liked him as more than a friend. "How are you guys?" He asked, directed at Chris and PJ. They hadn't talked much on the train. "Did you guys send letters or visit over break?" 

PJ stifled a laugh. "Dan... I'm g-going to say this in the nicest possible way... you really sh-should have taken muggle studies, you f-fucking weirdo," he teased, nudging their knees together. "We just talked on the phone.” 

Phil giggled helplessly, tucking his face into Dan's neck.

Dan's face flushed dark red and he hid his face in his hands. "Shut up," he mumbled. "I didn't grow up with that stuff, leave me alone." Despite that, he laughed.

Phil felt a rush of fond affection for Dan and he just hugged him tightly, his lips brushing up against Dan's neck, though it wasn't quite a kiss.

"Ah-" Dan jumped, a shiver running through him. "Sorry," he breathed, leaning back into the touch after he had jumped away. "I have... a neck thing. Sorry."

"Oh sorry, do you not like having it touched?" Phil asked gently, lips moving slightly against the sensitive skin as he spoke.

Dan tensed. "I-I guess you could say that," he got out, his stomach squirming.

Phil smirked a bit, thinking it was just something that bothered Dan and not realising the real reason. He hesitated before nipping at his pulse point teasingly.

"Phil--!" Dan yelped, torn between pulling away and moaning and leaning into it. He let out a strangled noise. "You're such a dick, Lester!"

Phil giggled, still holding the skin between his teeth and nibbling firmly. He squeezed Dan, his arms around his waist.

Dan nearly screeched, squirming in his arms, laughing breathlessly as if he was getting tickled. "Phil, I swear to god."

Phil let it drag free with a smirk, meeting Dan's eyes and then glancing at his neck to see a reddened patch there. He felt his cock twitch and blushed, thankful that school robes made it impossible to tell when he got hard; it was convenient when his morning erections stayed until halfway through his first class.

"Holy shit," Chris cursed shamelessly. "Did you just give him a _hickey_?"

"Shit I… I u-um... I didn't mean to," Phil mumbled with an embarrassed chuckle, shame and arousal swirling together into a sickening mix in his stomach.

"Are you kidding? You just made out with his neck." Dan gave him a look and Chris shrugged. "What? It's true!"

Phil's blush darkened and he slid away from Dan a bit. "I'm sorry... I overstepped," he whispered, lisping heavily, his voice small.

Dan's heart jolted and he glared at Chris, gently pulling Phil back. "It's okay. You didn't. We were just messing around, it's fine... I don't mind."

Phil sighed softly, feeling guilty. He hadn't thought about what he was doing, and even though Dan said it was alright, he couldn't imagine how he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He stayed quiet the rest of the way up to the castle, gaze pointed down.

When they finally stopped, Dan hopped out first. Phil didn't accept his hand he offered to help him down; maybe he just didn't see it, but Dan bit his lip. His positive mood was slowly sloping.

Phil wished he could find a good middle ground with Dan but he always ended up too flirty or too distant because he had no idea how to interact with him when he was so entirely in love with him.

They started the walk up to the castle, and Dan couldn't keep his gaze from wandering over to Phil. He had to remind himself: strictly friends.

Phil lightly bumped up against Dan as they walked, just wanting to stay close to him. They parted at the entrance to the great hall, all to their separate tables, and Phil slumped in his seat.

Dan was zoning out all through the feast, hardly listening to Chris and some other Slytherins tease him about the hickey. Half way through he met eyes with Phil, flashing him a wide grin.

Phil's cheeks brightened and he smiled shyly back. God, Dan looked so pretty... and the mark on his neck, however faint, made him look even more beautiful.

Dan turned back to the table, blushing. This year might be a good one, but it was sure as hell going to be difficult.

\----

A few days later Dan and Phil teamed up for a long-term potions project; they had to brew a batch of veritaserum as practice for their OWLs. It was a potion that took nearly three months to complete and they'd have to work on it together three times a week in class. They sat down beside a small cauldron with a small batch of ingredients, starting to chop them evenly in companionable silence.

Dan's hand brushed over Phil's and he pulled away, smiling to himself and huffing through his nose in a sort of laugh. "Hi," he muttered, just to hopefully converse.

"Hey," Phil said pleasantly, looking up to beam at him. He felt a spark of electricity run down his spine when their fingers brushed together and he took a deep breath to try to calm down.

Dan grinned, his hand brushing his again, but this time on purpose. It was weird how he couldn't seem to stop touching him. "How are you?"

Phil bit his lip. "I'm... I'm okay," he said softly, putting the knife down to take Dan's hand gently. This was the moment... he had to tell him how he felt, and if he didn't do it now he was worried his courage would abandon him. 

Just as he was opening his mouth to speak there was a loud bang across the room from them and he whirled around to see that one of the cauldrons had overflowed and was billowing orange smoke as neon yellow potion oozed across the floor. He cursed under his breath.

Dan laughed loudly before covering his mouth with his hand to quiet it, distracted. He watched as the student dropped to the ground, mortified, trying to pick up the things that had tumbled off the table when he bumped them in surprise.

Phil pouted, chin resting on his hand. His nerve had abandoned him again and he sighed heavily.

Dan turned back to him, what Phil had been about to say gone from his mind. "Maybe we should finish so  _that_ doesn't happen."

"Yeah, probably," Phil grumbled irritably, stirring the potion clockwise as Dan carefully poured snail eyes into the cauldron.

Dan was unsure why Phil seemed upset, but didn't mention it as they continued working on the assignment.

\----

A few weeks later Phil was lying outside under a maple tree by the lake with Dan, practicing little appearance altering charms and giggling when Dan gave him freckles. They were so close together, pressed against each other from knee to chest, just talking and laughing and charming each other both literally and emotionally. Phil wanted to kiss him so badly and he was slowly working toward it, trying to convince himself it would be okay.

Dan giggled, poking Phil's nose. "Let's try... curly hair." He cast the charm, letting out a gasp at how Phil looked, his dark locks falling in ringlets around his face. "You look cute-!"

Phil shoved his shoulder playfully. "I'm not _cute_ , I'm _manly_!" He replied through a decidedly cute giggle.

Dan's smile widened, and his heart sped up by about three hundred percent. "You  _are_ cute," he argued, ruffling Phil's hair. "Really cute," he added in a mumble, blushing.

Phil knew that this was it, this was the moment, and he started to lean in before he heard a shouted greeting from across the lawn and he turned, exasperated, to see PJ walking toward them. He let out a frustrated huff and sat up, disappointed and surly.

"Hey!" PJ plopped down in the grass between them, smiling. "What's up?" He tugged at a strand of Phil's hair. "What h-happened to your hair, dude?"

"Dan did it, we were practicing," Phil replied dully, picking blades of grass and ripping them up irritably.

PJ frowned, turning to Dan. "Why's h-he in a mood?"

Phil glared him but he couldn't explain right in front of Dan. "I'm not in a _mood_ , I'm just not having a great day." 

Dan frowned, biting his lip. Phil had been happy a few minutes ago... had he said something? "Yes you are," he deadpanned. "You've been with me all day, you seemed fine, I thought we were having fun..."

Phil bit back a curse. "We were," he said quickly, not wanting to see that kicked puppy look on Dan's face. "Peej can I talk to you for a second?" He asked through grit teeth.

PJ nodded, still frowning and pushing himself up. "Yeah?" He asked as soon as they were out of hearing range, facing Phil and raising his eyebrows.

"I was about to kiss him," Phil said without preamble, looking discouraged and upset. "A-and you interrupted."

PJ's eyes widened. "Oh sh-shit, I'm sorry, Phil! I didn't know..." he smiled. "So you're deciding to... to tell him...?"

"I've been _trying_ ," Phil snapped, a bit peeved. "We keep getting interrupted."

PJ winced. "I'm sorry," he apologized again. "Is there any way I can help?"

"I don't know," Phil said with a soft sigh. "I don't know how to do this..."

"Why don't you just go over there and kiss him?" PJ asked, not understanding why Phil was so nervous. "I can leave if you want..."

Phil started trembling just at the thought and shook his head. "N-no I can't... that's too scary..." he whispered, running his hands through his hair and tugging at it. The curls were relaxing now that Dan wasn't focusing on the spell anymore.

"Okay..." PJ frowned. "Well I'll h-help in any way you need. I t-think you should do it... the sooner the better, yeah? I'm sick of watching you two slobber over each other," he joked. "I know you can d-do it."

Phil nodded sadly. "Yeah... I guess..." he said softly. "Thanks Peej..." He gave him a quick hug, not aware of Dan's eyes on him, and then turned around, returning to Dan and sitting beside him.

Dan bit his lip, staring at his hands. "What was that about?" He asked softly, only a  _little_ jealous.

"Just... something that's been bothering me I guess," Phil replied quietly. Dan had a little crease in his forehead and Phil reached up to softly smooth it out with his thumb.

Dan blushed at the action, the frown melting away, but he still felt pouty. "Okay... why can't you tell _me_? Maybe I could help..."

Phil hesitated before lightly thumbing at Dan's lower lip, trying to get him to relax his pursed mouth, and leaned in to kiss his dimple impossibly lightly. "I don't think you could... thank you for offering though," he whispered, a bit breathy.

Phil's response didn't even matter, Dan's mind was pleasantly muddled. He hesitated before replacing the pout with a small smile. "Okay..."

\----

A couple days before Christmas break, they were sitting in Phil's room on top of the blue patchwork quilt on his bed playing wizard's chest and talking quietly, sipping enormous mugs of hot chocolate Phil had nicked from the kitchen. "Are you excited to be going back home?" He asked softly, a bit wistful. His mum was still struggling to make ends meet and he couldn't go home for breaks.

Dan shrugged. "I guess. My parents are busy a lot, but it'll be nice, I suppose..." He looked up from his hot chocolate. "I think it'll be nice. I like it here better, though… with you. I wish I could stay..."

"I wish you could too," Phil said softly with a small smile. "I'm gonna miss you... two weeks feels like a long time." He took his hand gently, squeezing. "I'll be right back, I need to piss," he added, setting his mug aside and sliding off the bed, padding across the room in mismatched socks to the bathroom.

Dan sighed after laughing at the abrupt comment in their sweet moment, tapping his foot against the floor. It hit something and he frowned, leaning over. He pressed lightly on one of the floorboards, realizing it was loose. He pulled it up, curiosity getting the best of him... Letters, dozens of them, all addressed to Phil… from Dan, when he was under the effects of the potion.

He immediately recognised his own handwriting and his cheeks flamed as he read through a couple of them; he wasn’t even considering the implications of Phil keeping them at first but suddenly it occurred to him that he wouldn’t have done so if they didn’t hold some meaning to him. He bit his lip, frowning, his mind whirling with questions.

Phil came back after five minutes and found Dan sitting on the floor with the floorboard pulled up and his letters pulled out. "Dan," he whispered, wide-eyed and scared. "Why are you... don't look at... don't, please..." he whispered, trembling. 

He was mortified about having kept those letters and Dan finding them was the worst possible scenario he could have imagined. He felt panic flood his body and stepped forward, pulling the letter Dan was holding from his hands so quickly that the edge of the parchment sliced his thumb a bit.

Dan's mouth was open and he looked up at Phil, concern replacing the surprise. He swallowed his questions, frowning innocently. "What? What were they...? I'm sorry, it was loose and I was curious, I d-didn't see anything..." He figured pretending he didn’t know what they were would be the best tactic.

Phil was still shaking horribly and he wasn't sure if Dan was telling the truth or not but he just mumbled, "they're nothing," as he arranged them almost lovingly back under the floorboard and replaced it. He crawled up onto the bed and grabbed his cocoa, taking a sip and trying to stop his body from shaking.

Dan watched him carefully, reaching out to touch his hand. "I really didn't see anything," he muttered, willing to lie if it would make Phil feel better. Even though he had questions; why in the world had he kept Dan's love-drunk rants of letters?

"Okay..." Phil whispered. He wondered if Dan even remembered writing them; he'd been so influenced by the potion that he might not have even recognised the letters for what they were. He let Dan's fingertips brush across his palm, though it increased his shivering quite a bit.

"You okay?" Dan asked softly, scooting closer on the bed and resting his head on Phil's shoulder. God, he loved him so much... _Where did that come from?_ "You feel a little shaky..."

"I'm alright," Phil assured him, turning his head so he could breathe in Dan's scent; he smelled like cinnamon and vanilla, and his curly hair tickled Phil's skin. He gently pressed his lips against the top of his head.

Dan sighed, smiling and melting against him happily. He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Phil sighed. He wished that was true. "I know," he whispered back, his breath shifting Dan's ringlets a bit as he spoke.

Dan nodded, his arms snaking around his waist and pulling him closer. "Good," he mumbled, absentmindedly kissing his shoulder, yawning.

\----

It was ten o'clock on the Saturday that marked the start of Christmas break and Phil was in the great hall saying goodbye to his friends; their things had already been spelled onto the train. He pulled Dan aside, resolved to try telling him how he felt one last time. He tugged him into one corner and bit his lip, trying to think of how to word it. "So... you know you're my best friend, right?" He began slowly, meeting Dan's eyes. "And I never want that to change..."

Dan blinked, nodding, pursing his lips and searching his face. "Yeah...?"

"Well... there's something I've been trying to tell you... a-and I'm really s-scared to do it so you have to promise we'll still be f-friends if it's... if it doesn't turn out right okay?" He said, voice tremulous.

Dan's heart sped up considerably and he nodded, reaching out to take both his hands in his. "Of course," he muttered, awaiting what he had to say curiously. Phil opened his mouth but before he spoke, Chris ran over, tugging at Dan's sleeve. "Come _on_ , Dan," he said urgently. "We have to go."

Phil almost burst into tears of frustration as Chris dragged Dan away and he resisted the childish impulse to stamp his foot. He felt like the fates were against him and he decided he wouldn't try to tell Dan again... the universe didn't want him to.

Dan pried Chris's hand away, holding up a finger. "Just a second." He turned back to Phil, raising his eyebrows. "What did you want to say...?"

Phil's chest was aching but he just dropped his eyes and shook his head. "Never mind... it wasn't important." He couldn’t say it in front of Chris.

Dan bit his lip, but didn't argue. "Okay..." he paused, licking his lips. "Bye, Phil..." he knew it was only a couple weeks but it felt like much longer. He let Chris tug him away, glancing back at Phil. He looked so dejected it physically hurt... and suddenly he was overwhelmed with emotion. 

He tugged his hand away from Chris, sprinting back to Phil and stopping in front of him, breathing heavily. "I forgot something," he mumbled, eyes wandering over Phil's surprised expression to his lips, and then he was kissing him.

Phil froze, unable to do anything but stand there in shock. He wasn't even sure if he was kissing back and his arms were by his sides, but pure, unadulterated, overwhelming joy rushed through his body. It was over as soon as it had begun, but the ghost of the feeling remained, his lips tingling from how hard Dan had kissed him. "Bye," he whispered belatedly, staring after him. 

His moment was interrupted by PJ walking up to him with a smirk on his face. "Mate you've gone full heart eyes."

Dan let Chris tug him away yet again, touching his mouth with a dark blush on his face. As soon as they sat down in the carriage, Chris stared at him, his mouth and eyes wide. "Don't you fucking say it," Dan muttered, pushing some hair away from his pink face that had fallen down, and Chris raised his hands in surrender. 

Dan was filled with glee but it diminished as he thought about it. Had Phil even liked it? He hadn't reacted... Was this another rejection? What would happen when he got back from break?

PJ was absolutely insufferable. "I told you." 

"Shut up." 

"But I  _told_ you. He  _liked_ you and he  _kissed_ you." 

" _Shut up_." Phil felt like he couldn't even process what had happened. He was still quivering violently and he could taste Dan when he licked his lips.

PJ rolled his eyes, patting Phil on the shoulder. "One day you'll learn." He grinned when Phil looked confused, wiggling his eyebrows. "One day you'll learn that I'm always r-right."

\----

On New Year's Eve, Phil was studying for Care of Magical Creatures in the library when PJ found him, ducking close to whisper, "I managed to get some firewhiskey... do you want to get fucked up tonight?" He offered, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows. Phil snorted a bit, though the offer wasn't entirely unpleasant.

"I... yeah, alright," he agreed. Why not... it was New Years.

PJ grinned widely, pulling the bottle from his jacket to show him. "Meet me later...? Your common room? That kid Sam told me the password."

"Yeah, perfect," Phil agreed. "See you then." He studied for another couple hours and then made his way down to the common room. PJ wasn't there yet so he curled up in front of the fire with his transfiguration textbook, studying for the OWL.

PJ slipped through the door a bit later, looking up and beaming when he saw Phil. "Hey. Ready?"

"Sure," Phil replied, pushing his glasses up and shutting his book. PJ took out the bottle and opened it, taking a sip and shuddering at the burn; then he passed it to Phil. Phil was a bit hesitant but he tipped the bottle, swallowing a bit of the liquid and flinching. It was bitter and made him feel very warm, but he also felt oddly bubbly and confident.

PJ giggled, searching Phil's face. "Good?"

"Not really," Phil replied, though a laugh bubbled up from his chest as he took another, longer sip.

PJ snorted. "Yeah," he agreed, grabbing it back from him. "You're right." He laughed again.

Over the next hour and a half they proceeded to drain most of the bottle before Phil announced that he had a very important letter to write. His mind was urging him that he needed to write to Dan and confess how he felt _as soon as possible_. 

He stood up, vision tilting alarmingly as he walked unsteadily to his dorm with PJ trailing close behind, swaying a bit. He sat down on his bed as soon as they got to Phil's room, watching him curiously. "What are you doing?"

"Writing a letter!" Phil repeated earnestly, digging through his bag for a quill, a pot of ink, and a roll of parchment. He was hardly aware of what he was writing; the words just kept coming, and by the time he'd finished, he had almost a foot of parchment filled with extremely wobbly and hardly legible professions of love.

PJ blinked, squinting to try to read it but unable to. "Who's it to?" He asked curiously.

"Dan," Phil replied with a satisfied smile, grabbing a wax seal and quickly rolling the parchment back up. "C'mon, we have to get an owl," he slurred, standing up and tugging at PJ's sleeve.

PJ nodded, agreeing automatically and letting Phil pull him towards the door, his thoughts pleasantly muddled. "Can I read it?"

Phil shook his head solemnly. "N-no, there's personal stuff in here..." he mumbled, hurrying down the halls toward the owlery.

PJ nodded again thoughtfully. "Okay." He leaned against the wall when Phil stopped and they entered the owlery, still watching him intently.

Phil put two sickles in the little pouch attached to a school owl's leg and then tied the letter to the other. He gave it a quick stroke and then watched as it flew away. There was no taking it back now.

\----

Dan was sitting on his windowsill when it arrived. A pretty grey owl landed beside him, holding a pouch tied to its leg. "Oh-!" Dan muttered in surprise. He recognized the creature as a school owl. He unattached a rolled up piece of parchment, frowning to himself. It was probably from Phil--he was the only person at the school who would think to send him a letter. 

He unrolled it as the owl launched from the sill, disappearing through the fog as it flew away. His theory proved to be correct as he read the signature at the bottom, but it was shaky and messy. He frowned deeper, tucking some hair behind his ear as he began to read. 

**_Dan, I hope your break is going okay. Mine has been kind of boring. I miss you so much it hurts. You always brighten my days and make me smile. I'm reeeaaally drunk right now so I might say some stupid things but I needed to tell you something, remember? And I was too much of a coward to do it before so here goes... Ok so basically, you're my favourite person in the whole world and talking to you makes my heart go all fluttery and I think about you all the time and I just want to hold you and kiss you but I can't and it takes a lot of control to remember that. And you have the cutest little freckles and the prettiest curly hair and such long eyelashes and soft lips and when you kissed me I felt really bad because I didn't kiss back but I was just really surprised and now I'm rambling and I sound like an absolute idiot but I can't stop. And I wanna kiss you again and I wanna take you to the dance that's happening in May and I wanna cuddle you on the astronomy tower and look at the sky. And god I really want to kiss you… I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long and when you took that love potion and you kissed me by the lake I felt like I might explode because I was so fucking happy... It's just hard because I don't know if you feel the same way and I'm not brave, you know that, but you make me want to be. Anyway... I guess that's about it..._ **

**_-Phil_ **

Dan's heart was racing and he bit his lip, getting up and smoothing out the letter on his desk. He took out some parchment and a pen, writing his response in a careful script before taking Abi out of her cage. 

**_You are brave, Phil. Much braver than me. I'll see you after break._ **

**_-Daniel H._ **

\----

Phil woke up far too early the next morning with a pounding headache and his stomach roiling with nausea to the sound of an owl he recognised as Abi clicking her claws against the window. He could hardly remember what had happened last night but he vaguely remembered telling Dan how he felt in a letter and his heart sped up at the prospect of a response. 

He quickly opened the window and let her in, taking the letter from her leg. The scroll of parchment was very small, and he felt a sinking sensation as he opened it. His heart broke when he read it and he crumpled it in his fist. God he was _such an idiot_.

The rest of the break went by considerably fast, and then Dan was back on the train, heading straight for the school. He was beyond anxious, and he hoped Phil wasn't upset with him due to his response to the letter. It had been the only thing on his mind ever since it had happened; maybe he had done the wrong thing? Nevertheless he couldn't stop thinking that it was a fluke, a drunk mistake and that was all Phil saw it as. Either way, he couldn't wait to see his face again.

Phil hadn't really left his room since he'd gotten Dan's response. He told PJ what had happened and PJ had tried to reassure him but even he seemed to think it was pretty hopeless. The day everyone was supposed to come back, he hid in his bed with the curtains drawn and reread all of Dan's letters he'd written to him when he'd taken the love potion, crying his heart out.

Dan was disappointed when he got to the great hall, and only PJ was there. "Where's Phil?" He asked nervously. 

PJ bit his lip. "He didn't come," he mumbled. "You were kind of mean... Couldn't you have at least let him down easy, mate?" 

Dan's eyes widened. "Shit." He  _had_ messed up. Bad.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day again! Who am I lmao, I either update every few days or every few months, there's no in between. 
> 
> Anyway, this is the first chapter with smut!! You can feel free to try to skip the smut as much as possible if smut is triggering/uncomfortable for you, but it isn't really placed into neat blocks and it's rather integrated with the story, so please please please proceed with caution if you aren't 100% okay with it.
> 
> Please give me and Roo some love on tumblr!!!

Phil avoided Dan completely for the next two days, not making eye contact and barely speaking to him, not sitting next to him in classes. He always felt on the verge of tears and he hated it. On the third day back to school he decided to go up to the prefect's bathroom and take a long bubble bath to try to calm down. 

He got there, holding his towel and his clothes for after: a peach-coloured jumper and a pair of blue pyjama pants. He was just about to start the water running into the enormous swimming pool sized tub when he heard the door open and looked up. He barely caught a glimpse of Dan's dark curls before he'd cast a disillusionment charm over himself and moved away from the edge of the bath to one corner of the room, not wanting to have to face him.

Dan sighed, running his fingers through his hair. It was exhausting, missing Phil. And stressful. It was almost all he thought about anymore. He paused in front of the bath, looking around before he tugged off his red t-shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor and starting on the loose sweatpants he was wearing that were already hanging off his hips.

Phil turned his face away a bit, not wanting to spy on Dan, though it was hard to keep his eyes averted; Dan was beautiful... He would have left if he'd thought he could have crept around him and opened the rather creaky door without attracting his attention but he knew he was far too clumsy to get away with it.

Dan peeled off the sweatpants and then his boxers, filling the bath with hot water and magical sweet-smelling bubbles. He sat against one edge, just enjoying the warmth and slowly running his hands over his own skin, feeling himself relax.

Phil knew he should tell Dan he was there, apologise, and leave, but he was too scared. He hadn't wanted to speak to Dan in normal situations, never mind at a time like this. He shut his eyes and tried to just think about something--anything--else but he was brought firmly back to the moment by a soft, barely audible moan.

Dan's hand had roamed between his legs in their exploration, his fingers pinching at his sensitive thighs before automatically wrapping around his cock. A breathy moan escaped him, and his head fell back against the side of the bath. He hadn't been able to get off much at home, too crowded by family. This was his chance.

Phil's eyes opened and turned back to Dan before he'd given them permission to and he gasped sharply before he could help it. The bubbles hid anything below Dan's chest but his face was so expressive and he was letting out the most beautiful sounds.

Dan moaned again, starting to stroke slowly, a shudder running through him. "Ah--" His mind was getting pleasantly fuzzy, obscuring his thoughts.

Phil couldn't drag his gaze away. He wanted to kiss Dan hard, swallow his moans, but he knew he couldn't. Dan didn't like him, he was certain of that now from the three sentence letter he'd sent him. God, he needed to get out of here... he started creeping along toward the door as quietly as he could but, of course, he tripped over a cast iron towel rack and went sprawling on the tile floor, his charm failing as his focus was broken so completely.

Dan jumped at the loud noise, his eyes flying open. They landed on Phil right away. "What the--" His face rapidly went red. "Phil?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, oh my god," Phil stammered, getting to his feet and wincing when he realised his ankle was twisted. "I didn't see anything, I'm sorry," he whispered, blushing and staring at the floor, edging toward the door.

"It's o-okay," Dan stammered through his shock, covering his chest with his arms. "Jesus, you scared me. Why...?"

"I was in here to take a bath and you came in and I used a disillusionment charm to hide and you... well you started..." He blurted, the words blurring together. His face burned and he bit down hard on the inside of his cheek. "I figured you would want some privacy..."

Dan took a shaky breath. "Oh... my god." After a second he started laughing, really laughing. "Holy _fuck_."

Phil glanced up a bit, confused and worried. "I'm sorry... I... are you mad? Why are you laughing...?" He asked, bewildered.

Dan covered his red face with his hands. "No, I'm not mad, you prick," he mumbled. "I'm embarrassed and startled and so stupid and, oh my god, I miss you."

"I miss you too..." Phil mumbled, sighing softly. "So much..." He felt almost like he might cry but he wouldn't let himself in front of Dan. "I'm sorry... I know I ruined everything, I shouldn't have told you how I feel..."

"You didn't ruin everything." Dan shifted in the bath so he was facing him, and he hugged his knees to hide anything. "You didn't ruin _anything_. I-I didn't know what to do, I told you I'm not brave... but I responded wrong, and I'm sorry."

Phil didn't know how he was supposed to believe that. "Okay... so I didn't ruin anything... but you don't like me back..." he said then, trying to steel himself for Dan's inevitable agreement.

"I didn't say that." Dan pressed his lips together. "I... what I wanted to say w-was..." he was trying, he was trying to tell Phil every single thought that had been in his mind when he got that letter. But he was scared, and he was seconds away from blurting it, but he couldn't make the words leave his mouth. "I..."

"It's okay that you don't..." Phil mumbled then. "I know you didn't say it, and that was really nice that you were trying to save my feelings, but I really wish you'd just be honest with me..."

Dan chewed on his lip. He felt like he might cry. "Phil, I'm trying to be honest. And I wouldn't lie to save your feelings, I'm an ass, have you met me?" He laughed breathlessly. "When I read that letter... I felt everything. And I don't know if you've felt everything before, but it's really fucking scary. And then I saw you were drunk..." He paused. "I didn't know if that was an accident, or if PJ was playing another joke on us, or if you were just drunk off your ass and you didn't know who the letter was to or what you were saying. I just wanted to talk about it in person, but then you were avoiding me..." He trailed off.

"I tried to tell you before break... three d-different times but then I g-got too scared because we kept getting interrupted a-and then you kissed me and..." his heart sped up and his cheeks brightened just at the memory. "But I was such an idiot and I was so surprised and scared that I didn't even kiss you back a-and you don't like me back, and I understand that b-because who would? But I just wish you would fucking tell me because this hurts so fucking bad Dan, and I don't know what to do." He paused to catch his breath, having said all of that in a rush.

Dan wished he could get up and go to him, but as it was, he didn't have clothes on and he was already embarrassed enough. He squirmed, his breath catching. "Why would I kiss you like that if I didn't like you?" He asked, almost desperate. "I do, oh my god, Phil, I like you back. I've liked you since we were eleven and I had no fucking clue how to handle it, how could you not know that?"

Phil felt like he couldn't process what Dan was saying; it just didn't fit with what he'd convinced himself was true. "You like me?" He asked tentatively, needing confirmation.

"Yes," Dan answered firmly, meeting his eyes. "So much..."

Phil stepped up to the edge of the bath and knelt, very carefully leaning in and kissing the corner of Dan's lips.

Dan shivered, his whole body tingling, and he smiled timidly as Phil pulled away again. He reached out with shaking, wet hands, grabbing his shirt to pull him in again. "I really did miss you," he breathed, their foreheads rested together. "I was so sad when you weren't there to meet me with PJ..."

"I'm sorry... I thought you hated me..." Phil whispered back. "For future reference, when the roll of parchment you send is smaller than your pinky, you probably didn't write enough," he teased, kissing the end of Dan's nose gently.

Dan laughed. "You're right. If only I talked on the phone like _you_ ," he teased right back.

"It's _practical_ ," Phil whined. Dan had still refused to get one and it irked Phil to no end that he hadn't been able to call him during summer the past couple years. "Now shut up and kiss me..." he murmured then, leaning in and pressing their lips together firmly.

Dan melted into the kiss, reciprocating immediately and pressing forward. His hand moved up to tangle in Phil's hair, the other still gripping his shirt. He was hesitant to progress the kiss, as so far, it either hadn't gotten there or had been met with denial.

Phil let out a soft, breathy whine and slotted their lips together properly then, swiping his tongue lightly along Dan's lower lip and very gently sucking on it.

Dan was having trouble thinking straight. His fingertips glided down Phil's jawline, trying to control himself.

Phil hesitantly nibbled at Dan's lip, just experimenting to see what he liked. He let one hand tangle in Dan's wet hair and pulled him closer.

Dan hummed, a soft whimper falling from his lips. He pressed his tongue into Phil’s mouth a bit, enjoying his warmth and the feeling of his mouth against his. "God," he breathed, pulling back momentarily. "You're a really good kisser."

Phil blushed, smiling shyly. "I am?" He asked, legitimately surprised. "You're the only person I've ever kissed..."

Dan grinned; for some reason that made him feel warm and squirmy. "Yeah," he muttered. "You are."

Phil beamed and leaned in again, kissing him tenderly. "I know I don't really have a frame of reference, but you're a good kisser too," he breathed, shaky and soft.

Dan laughed. "Thanks." He kissed him again, needy.

"Have you really liked me since first year?" Phil whispered against his lips between firm kisses.

Dan smiled, hesitating drawing his thumb between Phil's kiss-reddened lips, just to feel how soft they were. "Yes," he whispered. "I thought you were cute and sweet and I-I liked how you talked..."

Phil sucked the tip of Dan's thumb into his mouth as he spoke, lightly flicking his tongue against it and watching his face with wide eyes. He shivered a bit, surprised and pleased to hear Dan's reasons.

Dan's pupils dilated as he watched him, continuing. "You w-were the nicest person, Phil... I was jealous. I thought you would fall behind because you were a sweetheart... but I was wrong. I'm sorry..."

Phil shook his head and pulled back, though he'd rather been enjoying intently sucking on Dan's thumb. "You don't have to be sorry... that was all a long time ago." He cupped Dan's jaw, smiling softly at him.

Dan nodded, a bit shaky. "Alright. I... I'm glad." He bit his lip, searching Phil's face. "I really like you..."

Phil kissed him chastely, lips curved up into a smile. "I really like you too... now, I should probably go... leave you to your bath," he said with a little chuckle.

Dan rolled his eyes, tugging at his shirt instead. "You could... come in?" He didn't want to stop kissing him, not now, and it wasn’t like it would be cramped; the prefects’ bath was the size of a swimming pool.

Phil shivered, a bit shy and unsure. "I... okay," he whispered, stripping off his school robes and the clothes he'd had on under them. He was flushed brightly as he tugged his briefs off as well, quickly sliding into the bath so Dan wouldn't look at him too much. He always felt like he was too scrawny and too pale.

Dan's eyes fluttered over him before he was covered again, blushing. "Hi," he muttered, moving a little closer.

"Hey," Phil said back, breathless and hushed. He ducked under the water, wetting his hair, and came back up, smiling at Dan and draping his arms around his neck, moving a bit closer, almost close enough for their bodies to touch but not quite. He hadn't noticed before, but Dan had gotten taller than him again; just by an inch or two, but enough that he had to tilt his head up a bit to look at him.

Dan grinned, letting their noses touch briefly. He giggled. "You're cute." He moved just a tiny bit closer.

Phil hummed softly, a bit shaky because this was all he'd wanted since last year when Dan had started being kind to him. "And you're gorgeous," he countered, connecting their lips so Dan couldn't argue and gasping when Dan took that last half step forward that brought their bodies together.

Dan shivered, their chests and even stomachs touching now, and he carefully slid his hand down Phil's side, resting on his waist.

Phil was starting to get hard and he was sure he was blushing so hard he would spontaneously combust as he tried to pull his hips back so Dan wouldn't feel.

"You're so pretty..." Dan's lips trailed down his jaw to his neck, sucking and biting at his collarbone. "God. I've wanted to kiss you for so long, you drive me crazy."

Phil shuddered and whined softly, tipping his head back to give Dan more room and pulling his hair. "I do?" He asked curiously, surprised; he'd never seen himself as the type of person to inspire attraction in anyone--especially not the sort of attraction anyone would describe like that.

Dan nodded, exploring his throat with his mouth. " _Yes_. You're so fucking beautiful..." He bit his lip, pulling back and meeting his eyes. "I mean it."

Phil kissed him again, harder than before, licking possessively into his mouth and tugging him closer.

Dan moaned softly, wrapping his arms around his neck. He smiled against his mouth, laughing breathlessly. "Remember when you gave me that hickey even though you knew I had a... a neck thing?"

Phil giggled nervously, embarrassed to even think of that moment. It lived among some of his most shame-inducing memories. "I didn't mean to give you a hickey, I was just trying to annoy you… I thought you hated having your neck touched." He wound his arms around Dan's waist and finally pulled him against himself, from hips to chest.

Dan nodded, his breath catching when their bodies were finally touching completely. "I know, but either way..." he hummed, smirking. "This is payback." He tugged at Phil's hair before pulling him down, pushing him underwater for a split second.

Phil barely managed to hold his breath before Dan shoved him under the water and he squeaked, the sound muffled by the water. Dan let him up after just a moment and he stood up again, sputtering. "You _ass_!" he cried breathlessly, shoving Dan with a laugh.

Dan chuckled, shoving him back lightly. "Oh, I'm sorry, did that  _bother_ you?"

"Does this?" Phil replied, grabbing Dan's shoulders and pulling him underwater with himself, dragging him into a kiss beneath the surface.

When they emerged again after a few seconds of kissing, Dan raised his eyebrows, trying to catch his breath. "I can't say it does," he got out finally. "But maybe we should try it again, just to make sure."

Phil giggled and nodded, tugging him down again without another word, kissing him lazily til he had to come up to catch his breath.

Dan gazed at him, a bit dazed and short of breath. "Christ," he breathed, a slightly dreamy grin melting on his face.

"I could do this forever," Phil whispered softly, pulling at Dan's waist til they were pressed together again.

Dan nodded. "Me too..." he kissed him gently on the lips again before resting his head against his shoulder, leaning on him. "Maybe we'll get to."

Phil rubbed gently over Dan's sides and up and down his back. "This is... perfect," he mumbled then, kissing his temple. 

"Yeah." He paused. "Maybe we should get out, in case someone goes looking for us..." He wanted to ask what this made them, but what if Phil didn't really want to be his... his boyfriend? Or what if he wanted to properly ask him out? Dan was too scared to mess anything up.

Phil sighed softly but nodded, pulling back a bit but almost immediately being drawn back in by how soft and red Dan's lips looked. He kissed him again, rough and messy, and then pulled back slowly. "Alright, now we can."

Dan nodded, not sure if he trusted himself to speak, his face tinted pink. "Um... don't look," he muttered, starting to get out.

Phil nodded, turning away. He'd already felt Dan's cock against his hip but he understood. He waited patiently til Dan said it was okay and then he climbed out as well, drying off and tugging on his clothes.

Dan smiled at him, quickly pecking his lips and taking his hand. "Is this... okay?" He asked hesitantly, glancing at their intertwined fingers.

Phil nodded. "Perfect," he agreed, gently kissing Dan's cheek and squeezing. "I like you," he said with a soft laugh, wanting to say it over and over now that he could.

Dan blushed even more, if it was possible. "I like you too, Phil," he muttered, rolling his eyes as they pushed through the door.

Phil gently swung their hands as they walked, and he was so focused on the feeling of Dan's hand in his that he didn't even hear footsteps coming from an adjoining corridor until they were nearly to it. Then Chris and PJ turned the corner and he gasped softly, blushing brightly. "Oh, h-hi guys..."

Dan's eyes widened. "Hi," he said quickly before pressing his lips together, afraid of rambling again. He still hadn't let go of Phil's hand. 

Chris peered at them suspiciously. "What were you two up to...?"

Phil glanced at Dan nervously but he didn't let go of his hand. "I... we just... went for a walk," he mumbled half-heartedly. He wasn't aware that his lips were kiss-bruised and bitten red.

Chris and PJ shared a look. "A walk..." PJ started slowly. "A walk into... the lake? Where you... made out with mermaids?" He grinned. "But that still doesn't explain the hand holding..."

Phil turned to Dan again, begging him wordlessly for help. He had no idea how to diffuse this situation, or if Dan even wanted people to know that they were... whatever they were.

Dan's face was red and he was biting his lip. He glanced at Phil, noticing his nervous expression, and frowning. He took a deep breath, squeezing his hand. He wasn't a wimp anymore. He wasn't going to hide behind false popularity, and he definitely wasn't going to give up whatever he had with Phil. Whatever this was, it was just beginning. "We... kissed. A little."

"Um... more than a little," Phil corrected, a bit more confident now that Dan had told them at least part of it. PJ and Chris exchanged another look.

Dan's grin widened and he leaned over, kissing Phil's cheek, blushing. 

"Oh... my god," PJ started, seemingly speechless.

Phil chuckled nervously. "Y-yeah, I feel the same way," he assured PJ, giggling. 

"I _knew it_!" Chris almost shouted, shoving at Dan's shoulder and grinning madly.

Dan rolled his eyes. "Screw off, yeah? You knew nothing, you git." 

"Okay, but do we at least get a little bit of credit?" As Chris talked, Dan ran his thumb over Phil's wrist soothingly.

"Definitely not," Phil snorted. "We would've gotten together sooner if it hadn't been for you two. Now if you'll excuse me, I want to make out with Dan some more," he said with laughter in his voice, pulling Dan away and brushing past Chris and PJ, who stared after them.

Dan smiled, hardly hiding his joy. "Sounds like a plan," he muttered, giggling.

Phil tugged him along the echoing stone corridor to a tapestry he knew had a hidden passage behind it and pulled it aside, pushing Dan in and promptly pinning him against the wall. They just shared breaths for a few moments, and Phil let himself look over Dan's face in the dim light, memorising every detail.

Dan shivered at his intense gaze, the grin melting into a soft smile. "Hi," he breathed, searching his eyes.

"You're so beautiful..." Phil murmured, gently kissing Dan's cheek and pressing closer to him.

Dan hummed, wrapping his arms around him. "You are too..." he kissed him momentarily, his eyes flashing. "And you're mine."

Phil quivered and nodded. "Yours," he confirmed breathily, leaning in to kiss Dan again, deeper.

Dan dragged his tongue along Phil's lower lip. It felt liberating, to be able to touch him like this now. He whined softly.

Phil let out a low moan in response and bit down firmly on Dan's lower lip, grabbing his hips and pulling them against his own.

Dan's breath caught and he could feel himself already reacting to the change of pace. But what else was he supposed to do? He was still a teenager, after all, and an incredibly attractive boy who he had feelings for was kissing him. Rather roughly, at that. "Phil..."

Phil pulled back very slightly, letting their foreheads rest together. "Sorry... is this not okay?" He whispered unevenly.

Dan shook his head quickly, his hands catching Phil's shirt and clutching him. "It's p-perfect. It's just... a lot," he breathed.

"Do you want to slow down?" Phil asked gently, trying to slow his breathing and calm himself down a bit.

Dan hesitated, his breathing soft and shallow. "Okay."

Phil thought for a moment before starting to back up, tugging Dan with him til Dan had him pressed against the opposite wall of the passage. "You control the pace," he murmured, gently brushing one of Dan's curls out of his eyes.

Dan smiled, fondness swelling in his chest. He nodded, kissing him again, a bit slower but not by much.

Phil shivered and arched up against him, kissing him back. He liked when Dan was in control; loved how his extra height forced Phil to look up at him. He felt fantastically submissive and he moaned a bit.

Dan hesitated before letting his hands slide under Phil's jumper, brushing over his stomach and up to his chest. "Pretty boy," he mumbled thoughtlessly, his mouth trailing to nibble at his earlobe. "My pretty boy."

Phil moaned and his whole body shuddered violently when Dan's fingers brushed across one of his nipples. "Oh god," he breathed, cock twitching and leaking.

Dan paused, raising his eyebrows. "Hm?" His hands backtracked until they were over his nipples, and he smirked. "Here, angel...?"

Phil's hips bucked automatically and he hissed a curse, eyes squeezing shut. " _Fuck_ , oh fuck..." He'd never realised how sensitive his nipples were but now his hips were squirming and grinding against nothing, thighs trembling.

Dan was mesmerized, and he watched Phil with sharp needy eyes. He pinched at his nipples, rubbing his thumb over the nubs before twisting gently. "Mmh, fuck. You're so so pretty..."

Phil sobbed as a strong rush of pleasure shook him. "Dan, Dan, Dan," he chanted, and as Dan pinched just a bit harder he couldn't hold back and he started cumming, spilling into his briefs with a stifled cry as tears of both shame and overwhelming pleasure filled his eyes.

Dan's jaw fell open. "Oh my god," he breathed. "Fuck, t-that was hot, did you just...? Holy hell."

Phil was panting, trying to catch his breath. "Sorry..." he whispered. "Didn't mean to..."

Dan leaned in, capturing his mouth in a heated kiss before he pulled back again, panting. "No, no, don't apologize. That was... wow."

Phil leaned up and kissed him again with a soft hum, his hips still twitching a bit with aftershocks. "I didn't know I could cum untouched," he breathed with a little laugh, tugging Dan a bit closer so he could hug him tightly.

Dan held him back, licking his lips. "Neither did I, but I'm glad I do now." Dan was almost painfully hard after not getting to finish earlier, and now this.

Phil tilted his head up to start kissing over Dan's neck, remembering how he'd reacted when he'd accidentally given him a hickey. He lapped gently just below his jawline and then nipped at the same spot.

Dan's breath caught before escaping him in a whine. "Phil--oh god..." He shivered.

"Good?" Phil whispered, his arms still tightly wrapped around Dan's waist. He pulled back just a bit to meet his eyes, craving his approval.

Dan nodded, his swollen lips parted in pleasure. "Yes, fuck. Please don't stop..."

Phil groaned softly and nodded, pressing closer to Dan so his cock was aligned with the incline of Phil's sharp hipbone. He started trailing kisses and bites slowly down Dan's neck, tracing along the dips and hollows of it, to his clavicles and back up.

A loud moan fell from his lips and his hips twitched, but he held back from grinding on Phil. "Phil--! Oh fuck oh fuck..." He was breathing in sharp pants and gasps now, desperate.

Phil whined softly against Dan's skin and he bit down over his pulse point, feeling his heartbeat fluttering against his lips, and sucked hard, leaving a bruise. He slid his hands up the back of Dan's shirt and traced the lines of his spine and slowly over the dimples at the base of it.

A shudder ran through him, and Christ, he was close... "I... oh my god, I-I have to go," he blurted, dashing for the exit of the passage.

Phil was bewildered and upset for a moment before he realised why Dan had left and a feeling of satisfaction filled him. He smirked a bit and started the walk back to his common room.

\----

Dan sighed, falling back on the grass, his head landing on Phil's thigh gently. He looked up at him, and tapped his book. "Phil,” he whined, drawing the syllable out.

Phil was resting on his elbows, gazing out over the lake, and he absentmindedly started stroking Dan's hair. He let out an inquisitive hum at Dan's tone and glanced down to meet his eyes.

"I'm bored," he muttered, meeting his eyes and grinning.

"You should be studying for history of magic," Phil replied mildly, but he pulled Dan up to kiss him instead of enforcing that suggestion, humming softly against his lips.

Dan smiled against his lips, wrapping his arms around him. 

"Get a room," Chris grumbled, but there was joking in his tone. Dan flipped him off.

Phil added a swipe of tongue before he pulled back just to spite Chris, smirking a bit. 

PJ was grinning as he watched the interaction, and he lay a hand on Chris' thigh and said in a faux-consoling tone, "just because your boyfriend doesn't like sex doesn't mean other people aren't allowed to."

Chris rolled his eyes, turning and immediately going for PJ's sides, tickling him. "I have been waiting ages to be able to shame them, now let me have my fun!"

PJ giggled madly and shoved him off, cheeks red. "Shame away," he replied, holding his hands up in mock surrender, eyes twinkling.

Chris grinned, turning back to Dan and Phil. "You guys are _gross_ ," he said with a self-satisfied smirk, before picking up the book he had been reading from again. 

Dan laughed, pulling Phil closer. "Thanks, we try."

Phil hummed and kissed Dan again, squeezing his hip. "I don't try to be gross, it just happens," he corrected Dan, nibbling his lower lip.

"Well that's one of us," he whispered before kissing him harder, almost messily. He giggled as he pulled back, some hair falling in his eyes.

Phil grinned, cheeks pink and lips bitten red. He and Dan still hadn't really put a label on what they were yet, but they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Nothing else really seemed to have changed... Phil was too shy and nervous to use pet names or say sappy romantic things, so their friendship remained largely the same, aside from impromptu make out sessions. 

They also hadn't gone further than kissing, though Phil, to his never ending embarrassment, had cum in his pants two more times just from Dan whispering praise in his ear and toying with his nipples.

Dan pressed light kisses up his jaw to his ear, nibbling for a second before retreating. It was funny how Phil affected him; his stomach squirmed and his heart beat out of control. "I have to ask you something."

"Okay," Phil agreed, gently running his thumb along the strip of skin above Dan's jeans and meeting his eyes.

Dan glanced over, checking that they wouldn't be interrupted and biting his lip. "I was thinking..." he trailed off, starting over. "In your letter, you said something about a dance?" He smiled.

Phil blushed a bit and nodded. Hogwarts had instated an annual practice of a dance each year on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts to celebrate their victory and remember those they'd lost. "Y-yeah," he said hesitantly. Just thinking about the letter made him feel hot with shame and embarrassment from how drunk he'd been.

Dan squeezed his shoulders. "Well I was wondering... if you'd want to go with me?"

Phil grinned and nodded. "I would love that," he murmured, hugging Dan tightly.

Dan smiled even wider, overwhelmed with happiness. He hugged him back, taking a shaky breath. "Good." Maybe he would get up the courage to ask him to be his boyfriend then. Maybe.

Phil softly kissed Dan again, and he felt like he couldn't stop smiling. "I'm glad you asked me," he whispered. He'd been looking for an opportunity to ask Dan if he wanted to put a label on their relationship but he'd wanted it to be special... romantic. And he felt like this was his chance. Chris watched them for a minute before turning to PJ, poking his side. "You wanna go with me?" He asked casually, and PJ nodded through a laugh at the nonchalance of the invitation; theyd been dating for over two years, so he was used to it by now.

Dan glanced between his friends and Phil, beaming, realising with a bit of a start that he’d already started separating Phil categorically from ‘friends’. He finally felt accepted, which was contrast to how he had felt his first few years here. He was happy. He kissed Phil's cheek, sliding off his lap. "Okay," he said softly, resting his head back on his thigh. "You can study now."

Phil was much too excited to study so instead he just lay back and tugged Dan up a bit so he could rest his head on Phil's stomach, watching it gently rise and fall with his breath. He kept softly playing with Dan's hair, sighing happily.

"I really like you," Dan mumbled, barely audible. He smiled to himself, blushing.

Phil sighed happily, gently tugging at Dan's curls. "I really like you, too," he replied gently.

Dan bit his lip. God, he had to do it... He was going to. He was going to make sure Phil Lester was his, and only his.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, if you're uncomfortable with smut, probably don't read this chapter as it has maybe ten paragraphs of plot and then about a hundred or more of smut. Basically Dan and Phil make their relationship official and then they give each other hand jobs. Not much to it lmao

On May second, nearly everyone fourth year and above was frantically preparing for the dance. Phil had tried desperately to smooth his endlessly messy hair and he was so nervous and excited in equal measure that his heart was racing. He'd thought he looked rather silly in dress robes, but his friend Amy gave him an appraising look and told him, "you look _sexy_ ," so his confidence was back. He was mostly anxious because tonight was the night he was going to ask Dan out. 

Dan was staring at his straighteners. He had gotten new ones after they had been stolen by Chris (he had admitted not even a month before) and they mocked him from a drawer in the bathroom. It was just about the only thing he didn't do magically, which was proving to be inconvenient. He reached out... before pulling his hand away, shaking his head. 

"Mate, what-" Chris walked in behind him, groaning when he saw what he was doing. "Daniel, I swear to fuck..." Dan made a strained noise, giving him a pleading look. Chris shook his head. "Do you really think Phil wants your hair to be straight tonight? He loves your hair, he can't take his eyes off you." Dan bit his lip. In one sudden move he attempted to grab one, but Chris grabbed him first, picking him up with surprising strength. He carried him out of the bathroom, despite Dan's screeching, chuckling. "It'll be fine. Now _go_."

Phil met Dan in the entrance hall, smiling shyly when he saw him and taking his hand, gently pecking his cheek. "Hey... you look great."

Dan smiled, blushing. "No, I don't," he argued quietly. "But you do, god." He looked over him, reaching up to smooth an unruly strand of hair, giggling.

"Yes you do," Phil insisted, squeezing Dan's hand and leading him into the great hall. The long house tables had vanished and the entire room was decorated with enormous bouquets of colourful flowers and tiny little twinkling lights like miniature stars.

Dan looked around, his grin gradually increasing. He glanced at Phil, who's eyes were sparkling with the lights, and bit his lip. He couldn't chicken out; not tonight.

Phil was anxious; there were so many people around here and he held Dan's hand tighter. As long as he had Dan he felt brave.

Dan wanted to hug him, he wanted to hold him close, but he was too nervous. "Do you want to... find Chris and PJ, or..." he trailed off, a little lightheaded from it all.

"Yeah, let's do that," Phil agreed. He dropped Dan's hand and instead slid his arm around his waist, holding him close as they wove through the crowd.

Dan felt reassured by the arm around him, and nudged Phil when he noticed them in the corner, talking closely. He smirked.

Phil squeezed Dan and walked up to them. "Sorry to intrude," he said teasingly, poking PJ. "Hope we aren't interrupting."

PJ blushed darkly, shaking his head. "No, it's f-fine." He laughed at Chris, who looked a little peeved. "How are you two...? Do you like the decorations?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful," Phil agreed, but he was looking at Dan as he spoke. 

Chris broke in, "have you seen outside? They made the lawn into a thicket, it's really pretty."

Dan's eyes widened. "Really?" He asked, a bit excited. He didn't know why, he just loved things like that... and he was looking for any way to get Phil alone, to make it special. "That's so cool."

Phil could tell Chris and PJ wanted to be alone so he tugged at Dan a bit. "Let's go see," he suggested, leading him outside when Dan nodded. It really was beautiful; there were dozens of birch trees, the white bark peeling a bit and the leaves shimmering in more tiny lights.

"Wow," Dan breathed, letting go of Phil's hand to spin around, admiring everywhere his eyes landed. It was gorgeous. He turned back to Phil. "It's amazing!"

"You're amazing," Phil whispered, barely audible. He took Dan's hand and led him deeper into the woods, away from the castle. When they were completely alone he sat down on the leaf-covered grass, pulling Dan down beside him. "So... I wanted to ask you something," he said quietly, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly to stay calm.

Dan blinked, raising his eyebrows. He squeezed his hands. "Yes...?"

"I... well, I don't want to just fool around with you anymore... I really want to be with you... I-if you want that." He was blushing brightly and he pressed up against Dan's side.

Dan stared at him, beaming. "You... really?" He laughed, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing. "It's funny, I was gonna ask you the same thing."

Phil felt a rush of relief and he grinned against Dan's shoulder. "That's a yes then?" He asked breathlessly, holding Dan tightly.

Dan chuckled breathlessly. "That's a hell yes." He pressed his mouth against his shoulder.

Phil pulled back just a bit so he could gently grab Dan's chin and guide him into a needy kiss.

Dan kissed him back with equal passion, gripping his robes. He reached up to caress his cheek. "You make me so happy..."

Phil smiled softly and nodded. "Ditto," he breathed through a soft chuckle.

Dan smirked. "How do you think Chris and PJ will react? Do you think they'll throw a party?" He joked, pausing to kiss him again.

"They'd better," Phil teased back, pulling Dan into his lap so he could kiss him more thoroughly.

Dan straddled him and wrapped his legs around his waist. He tangled his fingers in his hair, kissing him back deeply.

Phil kept his arms tightly around Dan's waist, slowly licking into his mouth and shivering a bit.

Dan let out a soft whine. He felt overwhelmed again, but god, it was so good... his hands glided down his sides, gently pinching him.

"We should probably stop," Phil murmured, but he made no move to untangle himself from Dan. He was hard and could feel from how closely Dan was pressed against him that he was too.

Dan kissed him for a second longer. "Yeah," he breathed, not moving either.

Phil chuckled and squeezed Dan's hips, pulling him even closer and inadvertently grinding against him a bit.

Dan's breath caught and he accidentally tugged his hair, whimpering. "Phil..."

Hearing his name in Dan's voice with that much desperation made Phil shudder and buck up again, more purposefully, watching Dan's face.

A moan slipped from his mouth and his lips parted. "Holy shit." He wiggled his hips, leaning in to kiss him briefly.

Phil kissed back, deep and eager, teasing Dan with flicks of tongue and soft nips. "You're so pretty... fuck, you're beautiful..." he whispered between kisses, starting to set a steady rhythm.

Dan's cock twitched at the praise and he gripped him tighter, pulling him close. "Oh my god--shit, Phil..." He kissed him hard, meeting his hips with his own.

Phil keened breathlessly and tightened his grip on Dan's hips, trying to slow him down. As much as he enjoyed Dan making him cum in his pants, he definitely didn't want to ruin his dress robes; he wasn’t sure if a cleaning charm would be effective on the expensive fabric.

Dan whimpered but let Phil slow his hips, resting his forehead against his shoulder. "Phil...?"

"Mm?" Phil hummed back, gently kissing Dan's neck.

Dan paused, licking his lips. "Do you maybe wanna... um, we could go to one of our rooms...?" He pulled back to look at him. "Not t-that we have to  _do_ anything..."

Phil hesitated but he nodded. "Yeah... yeah we can," he agreed, kissing Dan softly. "Can I meet you at yours? I should change," he added.

Dan nodded, climbing off his lap and smoothing out his robes, blushing. "Okay. See you there, love," he muttered, helping Phil up so he could kiss him once more, his cheeks darkening when he used the pet name.

"Alright, babe," Phil replied, glad they were allowed to use endearments now. They parted ways as the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room, as Phil went in and Dan descended further into the school. Phil changed into a blue striped long sleeved shirt and some grey trackies before progressing down into the dungeons.

Dan had changed before waiting outside his common room for Phil, and he beamed when he saw him. He grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. "Hi."

"Hey." Phil squeezed his hand gently and smiled at him. Dan led him in, past the younger Slytherins and those who hadn't gone to the dance to Dan's dorm. They climbed up onto his bed and Phil drew the curtains and cast a few silencing and privacy charms.

Dan grinned, pulling Phil on top of him as soon as he was done. "C'mere." He kissed him messily; somehow he had missed his lips in the ten minutes they had been apart.

Phil shivered and straddled Dan, slowly rolling his hips down and kissing back, matching his pace.

Dan's hips bucked up, trying to get as much friction as possible. He hummed, digging his nails into Phil's back and dragging them down.

Phil's whole body trembled at the slight pain and he whimpered, rutting down harder against Dan, their cocks lined up through their trackies.

"Phil, I--" Dan was cut off by a moan, and his face was red; he hadn't cum yet with Phil and  _god_ he close. "Shit..."

"This okay?" Phil whispered, slowing his hips down and accidentally edging Dan.

Dan's breath caught. "Yes, yes oh my  _god_ Phil, don't you dare stop." He whimpered, shaking underneath him.

Phil slid his hands slowly up under Dan's shirt with a wicked glint in his eyes, realising what he was doing. His hips were just barely rocking, letting Dan come down.

Dan whined, trying to make him go faster, which wasn't working. Instead he ground up against him, trying to regain the traction. "Phil--!"

"Be still," Phil said firmly, pressing his palm against Dan's sternum and meeting his eyes, trying to ground him.

Dan nodded, panting softly. "O-okay..." He bit his lip, trying to force himself to stop squirming. "Please..."

Phil leaned in and kissed him, slow and gentle. "Be patient, beautiful," he murmured.

"Yes sir," Dan breathed without thinking, his mind foggy and filled with desperation.

Phil groaned softly when Dan called him that, kissing him harder. "Oh fuck, Dan..." he murmured, grinding against him again, slower, steadier.

Dan kissed him needily, grabbing at his shirt. His hands moved to his hips, gripping them roughly. He was trying to be patient, but it was so hard... He wanted Phil, bad.

Phil shivered, melting at how Dan touched him. It was needy and desperate and _fuck_ \--so hot.

Dan's cock twitched and he moaned. "Please, Phil," he got out, resorting to begging. "Please, I--I want... need to-"

"Need to what?" Phil teased, feigning cluelessness. "Tell me, baby..." His hands were exploring over Dan's stomach and chest under his shirt.

Dan whined, his head falling back. "Phil, I wanna cum, please make me cum..." His back arched, trying to lean into every little touch.

Phil groaned at Dan's helpless begging and he immediately started rolling his hips down, aching and desperate, both for his own climax and to make Dan cum.

"Oh my god--" Dan gasped, writhing underneath him. He kissed him, hard, and then he could feel himself unraveling. "Holy fuck, Phil!"

Phil whimpered and bit down on Dan's lower lip, barely hanging onto the edge as he felt Dan's cock twitch and his body convulse. A few more quick ruts against him and he was cumming too, tossing his head back with a cry.

Dan was shaking, and he whimpered softly as Phil moaned."Fucking hell..." He held him tightly, his eyes glazed over with pleasure, grinding up slowly to work him through it.

Phil finally slumped against Dan's chest, trembling and moaning softly with each intense aftershock. "Oh my god," he whispered.

Dan wrapped his arms around his waist. "Yeah," he breathed happily. "You're so perfect..."

Phil leaned up to kiss him softly. "So are you," he hummed back. He grabbed his wand from where it had fallen beside him and cast a quick scourgify, feeling the cum disappear.

Dan grinned, pulling Phil's head down to rest in the crook of his neck, finally catching his breath. "Thank you..."

Phil mumbled something incoherent in return, sleepy and warm and happy in Dan's arms. "You're comfy," he whispered, a bit muffled, after a moment.

Dan laughed breathlessly. "Yeah? Good." He ran his fingers through Phil's hair, gentle and loving.

"Can I stay here?" Phil asked then, kissing softly over Dan's neck, lapping at the slightly sweaty skin and breathing him in. He smelled incredible, a bit musky with arousal.

Dan nodded, his smile widening. "Please do..." he sighed. "I'm sure Chris will cover for us."

Phil nodded. The next day was Sunday, so he wasn't worried about classes. He slid off Dan and under the covers, raising his eyebrows. Of course Slytherins had silver silk sheets. Hufflepuff had practical cotton.

Dan giggled at his expression. "Shut up. They're nice." He pulled him close, letting their legs tangle together.

Phil sighed and tucked his head under Dan's chin, winding his arms around his waist. He didn't intend to fall asleep yet, and he let his hands wander over Dan's back and sides.

Dan shivered. "Hey," he muttered, reaching down to poke his side. "Tell me a secret. Or a story."

Phil thought for a moment, considering. "The first time I did magic it was to make the animals in my yard come over to me because I was lonely... I was five," he whispered. It was one of his only good memories of childhood.

Dan smiled, fondness coursing through him. "Really...?"

Phil nodded. "Mum came out and found me cuddling with a badger with birds on my shoulders and hedgehogs all around me," he said with a little smile. "Should've known I was a Hufflepuff," he added with a giggle.

Dan laughed. "That's... really cute." He grabbed his hand, squeezing. "I'm glad  _you_ had friends..."

"Well, if you can count woodland creatures as friends, sure," Phil replied with a shrug.

"That's better than none." He chuckled sadly, his voice melancholy.

Phil sighed and nodded, kissing Dan's jaw. "You have friends now though... and a really charming, sexy, funny boyfriend."

Dan giggled, before faking confusion. "Hm... I don't remember cheating on you..."

Phil glared at him but the corners of his lips twitched up into a smile. "You're an asshole," he said bluntly.

Dan shrugged. "I know." He kissed Phil to soften the blow, squeezing him. "And you know it too, so it's your own fault for liking me."

Phil let out a long-suffering sigh. "It's my load to bear," he replied solemnly, eyes glinting.

Dan swatted him playfully. "Shut up. Dork." He bit his neck, nibbling and sucking to leave a mark as revenge.

Phil whined softly. "Don't get me hard again," he warned, but it was already happening, his cock twitching curiously.

Dan smirked, continuing to kiss and suck at his sensitive skin. "Hm? What was that...?" He bit down particularly hard.

Phil's back arched and he let out a whine, squirming a bit under Dan's ministrations. "Shit..." he whispered, letting his eyes fall shut.

Dan couldn't help himself; his hand ran down his stomach, his thumb brushing over Phil's waistband before he palmed him through the clothes. "Use your words..."

Phil gasped breathlessly. They'd never properly touched each other, and even through clothes it was intense. "Oh fuck--please, please touch me," he begged.

A shock of adrenaline and arousal ran through Dan's stomach. His face went red. "Are you sure?" He asked softly, kissing up and down the side of his neck, wanting to make sure he didn't make any rushed decisions. "I mean, I'd love to, princess, but... are you sure that's what you want?"

Phil's cock twitched and leaked when Dan called him princess and he squirmed, whimpering. "Yes, yes I'm sure, _please_ ," he begged.

Dan didn't hesitate to push his hand into Phil's boxers at that, moaning as he felt his cock and the light dusting of hair below his navel. He bit his lip, leaning up to kiss him and slowly wrapping his hand around his length.

Phil's hips pushed up into his touch and he whined. "Oh fuck, feels so good," he whispered, words blurring together from pleasure.

Dan pulled back to watch his face, awestruck. He slowly stroked him, biting his lip. "So pretty, baby..."

Phil kept bucking up, seeking more. He was leaking liberally, his precum slicking Dan's hand so it slid smoothly over his length.

Dan moaned at the feeling, and at Phil's little noises. "Tell me what do you want, baby. Faster?"

"Please," Phil whispered. He was throbbing so hard he was sure Dan would be able to feel it. He gasped and shuddered when Dan's thumb brushed over his slit.

Dan sped up, kissing him and swallowing his noises. "So pretty, so perfect," he mumbled, the praise falling from his mouth without a thought. "You're such a good boy, fuck."

Phil tangled a hand in Dan's hair, deepening the kiss. He was getting close, and the flow of praise was getting him there fast.

Dan hummed against his mouth, speeding up even more. "Cum for me," he breathed against his lips.

Phil hadn't thought he could yet, but the moment Dan told him to he sobbed and arched, cum spilling over his chest and stomach. He chanted Dan's name as he worked him through it, continuing to stroke him til he keened with oversensitivity and squirmed away.

Dan searched his face, overcome with emotions. He rolled so he was laying normally again, promptly shoving his hand in his own boxers and stroking himself rapidly.

"C-can I? Please?" Phil begged, sounding just as desperate as he had before. He spelled away his own cum and looked at Dan pleadingly.

Dan moaned, nodding and pulling his own hand away. "Fuck, go ahead."

Phil immediately pushed his hand into Dan's pants and wrapped it around his cock, starting to stroke quickly. "I... can I see?" He asked softly.

Dan nodded again, closing his eyes out of nerves and shoving down all of his bottom layers with shaking hands, letting his boxers rest around his thighs.

Phil moaned, letting his eyes wander. "Oh my god..." he whispered, gently thumbing at the head of his cock and toying with his foreskin. "You're perfect..."

Dan keened, his hips rolling upwards. "Fuck--oh my g-god--thank you..." He chose not to argue, too afraid that Phil would stop touching him or edge him like earlier.

Phil stroked him faster, groaning softly and watching as precum beaded up.

Dan could already feel himself approaching the edge; he had been so hard from getting Phil off. "Phil, Phil, Phil-!" He chanted with every breath, whining. "Please, I'm close..."

"Go on baby, let me see you cum," Phil moaned, tightening his grip and speeding up marginally.

Dan bucked his hips, and after a few more strokes he was letting go, keening loudly and grabbing for anything on Phil that he could grip. He settled on his shirt, trembling and clutching him.

Phil worked him through it, awestruck. He was so beautiful. "Oh god... Dan you're so pretty..." he whispered.

Dan blushed, despite the current situation. "I--thank you." He whimpered, pushing Phil's arm away weakly. "Christ..."

Phil had a bit of cum on his hand and he tentatively licked it off, eyes fluttering shut as a soft moan escaped him. "Wow..." he mumbled.

Dan's eyes widened as he watched him. "Fuck." He pulled him close, just taking the opportunity to hold him. "I'm so lucky, Phil."

"So am I," he whispered back, kissing Dan's clavicle before casting one last cleaning charm so they could cuddle comfortably.

Dan sighed, shifting to get comfortable and smiling dreamily. "Thank you..."

Phil squeezed him and shook his head. "No... you don't have to thank me..." 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back back back again lmao. Sorry readers for the enormous delay on this fic. I haven't had the motivation or the time to add to it, but here's a nice long chapter with something for everyone--fluff, smut, ANGST, violence, and some humour. I'm unsure if I'll add more after this chapter, but leave me a comment and let me know if you would like me to and I'll definitely consider it. I still read all your comments, I promise lol.
> 
> BIG OL FAT SMUT WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER.

Dan's stomach was a bundle of nerves as he stepped onto the train. He hadn't seen Phil all summer, and although he knew he was possibly peeved that Dan had still refused to get a phone, he was still excited to see him... Beyond excited. He was ecstatic.

Phil was already in a compartment with Chris and PJ; Ash, who had gotten large and rather chubby, was curled up snoozing in his lap. He looked up and saw Dan and had to force himself not to spring up and displace Ash. Instead he beckoned frantically for him to come in, practically vibrating with excitement.

Dan beamed, entering the compartment. "So, uh," he started, holding himself back from tackling him, his voice laced with teasing and joy. "... Hi."

"Come  _here_ you complete ass!" Phil cried, reaching out for him and pouting.

Dan laughed, moving forward and swiftly hugging him tightly, careful of Ash in his lap. He sighed against his neck, breathing him in. "I missed you..."

"God, I missed you too..." Phil murmured, squeezing him and trembling a bit. He was absolutely thrilled to see him.

"Um, hello?" Chris said loudly, and Dan rolled his eyes, pulling back, a bit shaky. 

"What?" He asked bluntly. Chris raised his eyebrows. Dan giggled. "Oh, did you want me to say hi to _you_ , too?"

"You aren't important," Phil teased Chris, nudging his shin with his foot. "Clearly I'm the only one that matters. 

PJ was nodding. "Yeah, it’s true," he agreed, poking Chris, and Chris sighed heavily at everyone teaming up against him.

Dan laughed again, moving over to him and sitting on his lap, promptly knocking the wind out of him. "Don't worry, I didn't forget about you," he said, giving him a big sloppy exaggerated kiss on the cheek. He turned to PJ. "Don't worry, I'm not stealing him. You can  _keep_ him." He was in an odd, but amazing, mood.

"But he'd better not steal _you_ ," Phil added, grabbing at Dan's robes and tugging him back over. The train whistle sounded and then it started moving.

Dan showered Phil's face in kisses, not caring one bit who was watching. He was overcome with emotion. "Phil, I  _really_ missed you..."

"I  _really_ missed you too," Phil said with a soft chuckle, catching Dan's lips and kissing him lovingly.

Dan kissed him back immediately, holding back from crawling into his lap and moving his cat. He smiled against his mouth. "Mmh..."

Phil chuckled at how eager Dan was, but he loved it. He kept kissing him til he had to pull back to breathe, resting their foreheads together and smiling.

Dan caught his breath slowly, meeting his eyes. He couldn't believe how much he had missed him, really---it was kind of pathetic. "How was your summer?"

"Boring... lonely," Phil replied. He couldn't stop grinning. "I never thought when I was a kid that I'd miss school..."

Dan sighed. "Me too..." he kissed the tip of his nose.

\----

The first two weeks of school passed without incident, but on Tuesday of the third week Dan and Phil were circling the lake after classes, holding hands and talking, when a group of Slytherins, led by Cat, descended upon them. She'd dyed her hair silver in an attempt to look more Slytherin.

She eyed them with obvious malice. "Hey, fags," she muttered in obvious disgust.

Phil glared at her and he felt Dan tense beside him. "Fuck off," he spat, satisfied when he saw her face register surprise.

After she got over her initial shock, she scowled at him. "Make me," she growled, and turned back to Dan. "Really? You left me for _this_?" 

Dan started for her, fury boiling in his stomach.

Phil grabbed the back of Dan's robes and hauled him back as best he could, having to use his full weight. Dan was taller and stronger than him. "Leave it," he said firmly. "She's not worth it...  _definitely_  not worth it."

Dan was shaking but he took a deep breath, nodding. "I... I know." He clenched his jaw, glaring at her with everything he had. "Listen up, bitch," he hissed. "If Phil wasn't here, I swear to god..."

Phil tugged at Dan's robes again. " _Leave it_ ," he repeated, wrapping an arm around Dan's waist. "It's fine..."

Dan pressed his lips together. "Alright." He gave him a quick squeeze. "Let's go." 

"Watch your back, Howell," Cat shouted after them, her eyes flashing. "You too, Lester. You two are so screwed."

Phil turned around then, eyes cold. "Listen, Valdes," he hissed. "Just because you're some snobby little pureblood who’s gotten everything you’ve ever wanted and been spoiled your whole life doesn't make you better than anyone else. Get a fucking life." Then he grabbed Dan again and just kept walking, jaw tight and eyebrows drawn together.

"Woah," Dan breathed, letting Phil tug him, shocked. "That was... kinda hot."

Phil huffed a laugh. "Keep it in your pants for ten fucking minutes Dan, I swear to god," he teased, his voice still rather harsh.

Dan blushed, rolling his eyes. "That was also hot," he muttered, nudging him and giggling. "You okay?"

"I... yeah, I guess," he mumbled, sighing. He always went nonverbal after confrontation but Dan had never seen him like that before. "Just pissed..."

Dan squeezed his hand. "Me too." He searched his face anxiously. "Let's just forget it, okay? She's a bitch."

Phil nodded, biting his lip. He could barely speak but he had to tell Dan what was going on so he didn't freak out. "I usually... go mute for an hour or two after stuff like this..." he explained, faltering and quiet.

Dan nodded slowly, worried. "Okay. It's okay..." he squeezed his hand again, his thumb rubbing over his palm.

Phil smiled nervously at him, glad he wasn't pissed, and they resumed their slow circuit of the lake in silence. 

\----

Phil had ducked out of potions to go to the loo and was washing his hands when he heard voices outside. He didn't pay them much mind, assuming they'd just continue past, but then the bathroom door swung open with enough force that it banged against the stone wall, making him jump, startled. Its opening was shortly followed by the entrance of Cat and her band of loyal Slytherins, all looking disturbingly malicious. 

"Hi," Phil said, as calmly as he could. "I th-think you have the wrong bathroom, the girls' is a-across the hall."

Cat laughed meanly. "Oh, honey... I'm aware." She stepped closer, looking him over. "Well you look a mess today. Was Dan too rough with you?" She taunted.

"No, he's a-always very sweet with me. He isn't h-hate fucking m-me, unlike he w-was with you," he replied, wincing a bit at how bad his stutter was.

Cat sneered at him. "Mhm. You keep telling yourself that." She stepped forward again, invading his space and grabbing his chin. "I bet he  _does_ fucking hate you. After all, who could love _that_ face?" She snickered.

She was hitting on everything Phil was insecure about and he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "He loves me..." he whispered, shaking a bit. 

"Oh yeah?" She tilted her head, pouting mockingly. "Has he even said it yet? He said it to _me_." She knew it was a low blow, but she wanted to hurt him.

Phil's heart ached at the thought of Dan saying that to her... He shook his head mutely, blinking back tears.

"What's that?" Cat asked, tilting her head as if to hear him better. "I couldn't _hear you_." She grinned meanly, shoving him against the counter. "Say something, Lester. I  _dare_ you to say he loves you more than he loved me. We both know that's a lie."

"I d-d-don't know if he d-does bu-ut I love hi-im..." Phil whispered, hips stinging where they'd hit the sharp corner of the counter.

For some reason, that made Cat even angrier. She shoved his shoulder roughly and smirked when he stumbled a bit. "You fags deserve each other." She kicked him in the shin, realizing he wasn't going to fight back.

Phil shrank back into the corner, letting out a cry of pain when she kicked his shin, and sinking to the floor.

She barked out a laugh. "What, not gonna fight back?" She aimed for his stomach this time, knocking the wind out of him. "You're even more pathetic than I thought." A different Slytherin grabbed him by the hair, dragging him up, so Cat could swing at his face close-fisted.

Phil grit his teeth and shut his eyes. He wouldn't fight back but he also wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing him cry. He was trembling and he could already feel bruises blooming on his pale skin. Cat hit him again with her other hand; she was wearing a few rings and they cut into Phil's cheek.

Cat beat him bloody for about ten more minutes before deciding she had had enough. Her cronie dropped him unceremoniously, letting him slide to the floor. "Try explaining that to Dan," she snarled. This hadn't been her initial plan, but this was better---knowing Dan, he would come after her seeking revenge. He could get expelled. Everything was falling into place for Cat Valdes.

Phil lay on the floor for several minutes, sobbing raggedly, before managing to pull himself to his feet and stumbling out. He needed Dan, but Dan was in class and he couldn't get him. He walked to the Hufflepuff dormitories, produced his patronus--a hedgehog--and told it a message to give to Dan: "Please come visit me when you get out of classes, I'll be in my room... I need you." He was stuttering so bad when he said it that it was barely audible, but he hoped Dan would understand.

\----

Dan was a bit shocked when he walked out of the class and was affronted with a silvery creature he recognised as Phil’s patronus, but as soon as he got the message he was running, pushing past people carelessly on the way. He was panting as soon as he got to the top of the steps of the boys section of Phil's dormitory. "What's going on...?" He looked up, his eyes going wide when they landed on Phil.

Phil was completely non-verbal by the time Dan got there and he just looked at him with wide eyes, filled with tears. He'd been crying all afternoon and his face was swollen and cut up from Cat's rings. He had a black eye and his nose was bleeding--he thought it might have been broken. He just held his arms out to him, needing to be held.

Dan's heart broke and he rushed to him, immediately enveloping him into his arms. "Baby... god, what happened? Who the hell did this? ... Wait, you can't talk, can you?" He bit his lip, stroking his hair. "Oh my god, it was Cat, wasn't it?"

Phil hid his face in Dan's chest, not caring that he was getting blood and tears on his clothes. He was still trembling and he climbed completely into Dan's lap, feeling very small and broken.

Dan's fear for Phil's safety was quickly being replaced with pure rage and protectiveness, and he held him tighter, although still gently. He pulled back. "You only have to nod," he started, his voice shaky. "But... was it Cat?"

Phil didn't want to tell Dan, he didn't want him to hurt anyone, but he couldn't lie to him. Cat's words still echoed in his head, and his eyes filled with tears again at the thought that maybe Dan didn't love him... He nodded slowly.

Dan's breath caught and his jaw clenched. "I'm going to fucking kill her," he breathed, pulling away from Phil and storming towards the door.

Phil let out a hoarse little squeak when he tried to stop Dan, unable to speak properly. He managed to whisper, "n-no," but Dan was already out the door.

\----

Dan found her almost immediately once he got to the hallway of the Slytherin common room, grabbing her by the back of her shirt and pushing her against the wall. "I swear to god, never fucking touch him again," he growled.

Cat forced a derisive laugh but her eyes showed fear. "He didn't even defend himself. He's fucking pathetic. You're dating a pussy faggot and you're just as bad."

Dan slammed her against the wall again, a sort of cruel pleasure running through him when her head hit the flagstones. "Shut the fuck up. What does that make you, then, only beating down the people you know won't fight back because they're a better person than you'll ever be? If you're so fucking brave, then fight _me_ , right now." His eyes flashed with anger. "Don't worry. I'm not afraid to hit you."

"You'll get expelled," she breathed, her tone sharp. "And if you get expelled you'll never see him again." She smirked cruelly. "Don't you have any self control?"

Dan flinched. He really wanted to beat her within an inch of her life... but was it worth losing the school? And Phil? His grip faltered.

She laughed harshly and pulled away. "You're pathetic," she said through another bark of laughter.

Dan opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. As she walked away he pulled out his wand, casting a quick tongue tied hex. "There," he hissed. "That'll keep your mouth shut for at least an hour." He whirled around, starting back for the Hufflepuff common room, horrified with himself that he had left Phil alone.

\----

Phil had rapidly spiralled into a panic attack, terrified that Dan would get hurt or that he would hurt Cat and get expelled. He was curled up into a tight ball on his bed, sobbing and shaking. He knew he had to go to the hospital wing but he didn't want to explain what had happened and he didn't want to go alone when he couldn't speak.

Dan pushed through the door, his eyes instantly going to Phil. "Oh, baby..." He hurried to him, pulling him into his arms again. "Hey, it's okay... I'm here, you're safe. Everything's okay angel. It's alright."

Phil held onto him tightly, softly kissing Dan's shoulder and tucking his face into the crook of his neck. He tried to calm himself, which was easier with Dan holding him.

Dan stroked his back slowly, humming quietly until his breathing and pulse slowed down. "I didn't do anything," he told him softly. "Well, a hex... but nothing I could get in trouble for." He looked over his face, wincing at the obvious damage. "We should get you to the nurse..."

Phil nodded, dropping his eyes. He felt oddly ashamed; he couldn't even defend himself against a tiny girl like Cat... Dan must have thought he was so weak.

Dan brought his face back up, gently kissing his forehead where there were no cuts or bruises. He stood, helping him up. "Come on. You're gonna be okay, she'll fix you up." 

Phil stood with Dan's help, his entire body aching. She'd hit and kicked every inch of him that she could reach and his shoulders and wrists hurt from when one of her friends had twisted his arms behind his back. He followed Dan to the hospital wing, wincing when Madame Pomfrey gasped in horrified shock and came over to usher him along.

Dan followed close behind until she spun around to tell him they needed some time. He huffed, ready to argue, but he met Phil's eyes and calmed down. "Okay," he muttered. "Okay. I'll go." Outside he ran into Chris and PJ, who had seen them in the hall, and almost started sobbing. 

"What the hell happened? Is he okay?" PJ sounded frantic and he tried to push past him. 

Dan stopped him. "No one's allowed in there." He sighed. "Cat hurt him really bad."

"Oh my god..." PJ whispered, looking shocked and furious in equal measure. "I... fuck, I never thought she'd go that far." He gently grabbed Chris' hand, noticing that he was shaking with rage, and squeezed. 

"Why didn't Phil fight back?" Chris asked.

Dan bit his lip. He was a bit mad with himself for being pissed with Phil, but god, he hated seeing Phil hurt and if he had just thrown a few punches... he shook his head. "He's a good person," he muttered. "He wouldn't hurt anyone even if it meant he'd die for it."

Chris set his jaw. "Well, fortunately I don't have such strict morals," he snarled, and tried to start down the hall but PJ tugged him back. 

"You can't," he said firmly.

Dan nodded. "I... I started to but stopped. We'd get in trouble, and it's... it's not what Phil wants." He frowned deeply. "It won't do anything, she'll just get her way, or come after Phil more. There's no point."

Phil emerged about fifteen minutes later with his nose mended and a balm on the cuts on his face. She said the bruising was so spread out that she couldn't fix it, so they'd just have to heal over time. "Hey..." he whispered, barely audible.

Dan immediately pulled him close. "Holy shit," he breathed. "I'm so sorry all this happened..." He could feel PJ and then Chris joining in on the hug, caging Phil in.

Phil felt a bit overwhelmed when they all surrounded him but in a good way, and he lay his head on Dan's chest, hugging him tightly. "It's okay... I'm okay…” He hadn't told Madame Pomfrey what had happened, even though she'd asked a dozen times. He knew if Cat got punished then she'd be even more pissed. He was just hoping she'd gotten it all out of her system.

Dan bit his lip; he felt like crying. "Phil... can I talk to you for a second...?"

Phil nodded, worried about what Dan would say. He felt completely unstable now when it came to Dan. Cat's words had hit him harder than her fists.

Dan pulled him aside, taking his hands and slowly running his thumb over the backs. "Phil..." He didn't know where to start, it was overwhelming, but he had to say something. "Are you sure you're alright...?"

Phil nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine..." He gently squeezed Dan's hands and met his eyes. "R-really, I'm okay..."

"Good." Dan worried at his lip, meeting his eyes. "Phil, why didn't you defend yourself?" He blurted.

Phil's heart sank. That was what he'd been worried about. "Because I don't do that..." he said quietly, a note of bitterness in his voice. "I'm a pacifist, and I'm sure as hell not going to break that for someone like her."

"I know, I know, I just..." he sighed. "Just fighting back to keep yourself safe... there's nothing wrong with that, I... I don't want you to get hurt..."

"I don't care what the reasoning is, I don't hit people," Phil said again. "What's so hard for you to understand about that?" He barely bit back a snide comment about Dan being violent toward him for the first few years of school; he knew that wouldn't be productive, but he felt extremely defensive.

Dan frowned. "Why are you being like this? I just want you to be safe, it's not... I'm  _trying_ to protect you."

"No, you're  _trying_ to override my morals. Dan, this is an important part of who I am..." He shook his head. "Just... forget it." He was already pissed about that and Cat's words were echoing in his head... Dan had told her he loved her. 

He couldn't think about it without feeling a sickening wave of anger and he pushed past Dan, running his hands through his hair and stalking back toward his common room. He noticed Chris and PJ staring at him, wide eyed and surprised. 

Dan couldn't stop thinking about it. About Phil, mostly. He was worried... and god, no disagreement was worth fighting with him, even if he was still a little pissed. He made his way to the Hufflepuff common room, just focused on talking to him.

\----

Phil was sitting in front of the fire with Ash, letting himself zone out, when Dan got there. He looked up, his face immediately shifting into a slight scowl, even though his heart still fluttered like it always did when he saw Dan.

Dan sighed, pressing his lips together. "Maybe we should talk."

"Okay... talk," Phil replied, gesturing for the other cozy armchair.

Dan sat down, resting his face in his hands for a second. "I'm... sorry," he got out. "I know you have your own morals, I just think... I just thought you should at least defend yourself. I guess it was selfish or something."

"You guess it was?" Phil asked, raising an eyebrow. He wasn't sure if it was just his irritation colouring Dan's words or if his apology was actually subpar.

Dan licked his lips. "Sorry." He was trying to fix things, but he still thought he was right, and he wasn't very good at apologizing. "It... It  _was_ selfish."

"Yeah." Phil turned his attention back to the fire, biting the inside of his cheek. He was incredibly upset but he didn't want to start another fight by asking Dan why he wouldn't say I love you to him when he'd said it to Cat... they'd already been dating for longer than Dan had been with Cat, and still nothing. Even though he didn't say anything, it was obvious from his expression and body language how stirred up he was.

Dan looked him over, frowning even more. "Are you... still mad?" He leaned over to touch his arm.

Phil flinched away from the touch and then felt guilty for doing so. "I... y-yeah, but not about that..." he admitted.

Dan blinked. "Well what about?" He asked, bewildered, his hand retreating again.

Phil took a long moment before he answered, trying to figure out if there was any good way to talk about this and coming up empty. "Why did you tell her you love her when you won't say it to me?" He asked, frustrated with himself when he heard his voice break, choked with tears.

Dan flinched. "Phil... she--she told you that? Shit... Phil, I didn't mean it."

Phil felt a tear fall and he brushed it away impatiently. "Yeah... okay... whatever," he said irritably, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a long, shaky sigh.

Dan swallowed, running his fingers through his hair and tugging. "Why are you pissed about this? You know how I was back then."

"Why wouldn't I be pissed about this?" Phil burst out. "You were horrible to me and now I'm finding out that you told  _her_ that you love her? And you won't even say it to me? Hell, maybe she was right, maybe you aren't attracted to me... just... be honest about it," he whispered, two more tears rolling down his cheeks. He didn't bother to wipe them away.

Dan stared at him. "Are you serious? You're believing her bullshit? Phil, if I wanted her and not you, I would be with her. Not here, arguing about some petty shit." He huffed, crossing his arms. "I have reasons I haven't said it to you yet, and, believe it or not, they aren't because I'm interested in that bitch."

"Well then what are they?" Phil spat. He didn't realise he was squeezing Ash too hard til he felt a sharp pain from her claws accompanied by a protesting meow. He quickly loosened his grip. 

Dan clenched his jaw; he felt put on the spot, and he hadn't felt like this for years. "I don't have to tell you," he said softly, tears stinging his eyes. "It d-doesn't matter." He _had_  reasons--he was just afraid to blurt them in his anger.

"Fine!" Phil glared at him, trembling. "I... m-maybe we should ta-ake a break," he said shakily, unable to stop crying.

Dan froze. "I... what? Over this?" Before Phil could answer he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. If you trust Cat more than you trust me, maybe we  _should_ take a break. A long one."

Phil broke down in ragged sobs as Dan stood up. He couldn't help it; tears spilled down his cheeks and he covered his face in a vain attempt to hide it. His chest hurt and his head throbbed and he couldn't believe Dan was being so cruel.

Dan paused, wanting more than anything to go to him and just hold him, apologize for everything, but his pride wouldn't let him. Now he was crying himself, and he left the room without another word.

Phil heard the door at the end of the passage slam shut and he took a shuddering breath. He couldn't believe this was happening.

\----

When Dan saw him in class, his heart jolted. He begged himself to keep it together, sitting next to Chris on the side away from Phil. He sighed.

Phil had been tempted to skip class but he knew delaying the pain wouldn't make it any less horrible. Dan wouldn't even meet his eyes and he had to fight to keep himself from crying. 

Chris looked between them in confusion. "What's... going on?"

Dan glared at his hands. "We're taking a _break_ ," he snapped in his direction.

Phil winced, keeping his eyes on his hands where they were clutched tightly together on the desk. "Yeah... because  _somebody_ doesn't know how to express his emotions," he growled back.

Dan rolled his eyes. "Maybe I just don't fucking want to. Ever think of that?" 

"Woah, woah..." Chris frowned. "What the hell got into you two?"

"Dan said I love you to Cat while they were dating, but he still won't say it to me--for ' _reasons_ ' he won't tell me," Phil spat, rolling his eyes. "And yeah, maybe you don't want to, or maybe you just don't love me. Maybe I don't mean as much to you as Cat did."

Dan spun in his chair to look at him, past the confused Chris. "Or maybe I  _do_ love you, asshole.  _Maybe_ that word means a lot to me, and maybe I was stupid when I said it to Cat, because I was still desperately trying to fit in and she said it to me. Maybe I'm fucking ashamed. Maybe I wanted to mean it this time, and make it special." He shut himself up, panting.

"Yeah, call me an asshole, that's the way to fix this," Phil said acidly. He didn't even care that Dan had just admitted to loving him. He shook his head. "Maybe I needed to hear it... you ever consider that?" He asked then. "Maybe I needed to know you were serious about being with me, that this actually meant something to you. We've been dating for six months!"

"We  _were_ dating for six months," Dan corrected, tugging at his hair. "Jesus fuck, Phil. How could you not know how much you mean to me?"

The correction made Phil's breath catch and tears sting his eyes. "How much I meant to you, you mean," he replied hollowly.

"No," Dan said firmly, meeting his eyes. "How much you mean to me. That shit doesn't change because of a stupid breakup." Then he got up, walking out of the classroom without even telling the professor.

Phil felt Chris put his arm around his shoulders to comfort him but he barely registered it. He had tears running silently down his face and he couldn't breathe. He hadn't even realised that they were broken up; he'd assumed there was a difference between a break and a breakup. "What do I do?" He whispered, looking at Chris and trying to catch his breath.

Chris bit his lip, shrugging. "I don't know," he admitted. "But... I think you two need to fix this. He clearly loves you a lot, but he's not very good at showing it. And I think you love him..."

"Of course I love him..." Phil whispered. "I've loved him for almost a year... but I don't know how to fix this." It felt hopeless, and Phil was unsure what he could do that would change the situation.

Chris rubbed his shoulder. "It'll be okay... I know it." He sighed. "Just talk to him. Don't attack him or anything. Just talk." He frowned, and raised his eyebrows. "You could apologize. It looks like you both made mistakes," he added timidly.

"What mistakes did I make exactly?" Phil asked somewhere between testy and legitimately curious. He was too close to the situation to understand where he'd gone wrong.

Chris hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know... from what I saw, you weren't really listening... he has some issues and maybe he wants to fix it, he just doesn't know how either? It's clearly hard for him to handle his emotions." He paused. "Sorry if I'm overstepping," he added.

"You aren't... it's okay." Phil got to his feet, glancing up to the front of the room. "Cover for me yeah?" He requested, and then hurried out while the professor's back was turned. He wasn't entirely sure where Dan would have gone, so he just started walking.

Dan hadn't made it far. He was sitting against the wall, his knees to his chest and his hands covering his face, and he was sobbing so hard he was shaking.

Phil found him and sat down beside him wordlessly, hesitantly wrapping an arm around his waist. "I'm sorry..." he whispered, kissing his jaw gently. "I'm so sorry Dan... I didn't mean to pressure you into anything... you don't have to tell me you love me... I... I shouldn't have said anything..."

Dan glanced at him, his eyes shiny and red. "Really?" He asked timidly, his voice scratchy. He leaned into his touch. "I... I'm sorry too. I was being stupid... I r-really  _haven't_ changed."

Phil frowned, brushing away Dan's tears. "Dan... don't say that... you've changed so much... you're kind and gentle and lovely and I love you so much a-and it's okay if you don't say it back yet, I don't need to hear it... I can feel it."

A sob got caught in his throat and he hid his face in Phil's chest. "Thank you..." He was so grateful, and so relieved, and he didn't know how to put that into words.

Phil kissed the top of Dan's head gently. "Can we get back together? This was just... so stupid... please?"

"Of course." Dan took his hand, taking a shaky breath and intertwining their fingers.

"Come on... let's just... escape the world for a while, yeah?" He asked, pulling back to meet Dan's eyes. He looked confused but he nodded, and Phil helped him up and led him to the seventh floor, along the corridor to the stretch of wall that became the room of requirement. 

When the door appeared, he opened it, laughing a bit when he saw the same room that had generated that time when Chris and PJ had trapped them together. "Apparently this is the room we needed," he said with a chuckle, tugging Dan inside and kissing him properly.

Dan giggled softly against his lips, pulling him close by the robes. "If only this is how it had gone the first time."

"I don't think either of us were ready for this then," Phil replied, wrapping his arms around Dan and squeezing gently as they kissed.

Dan nodded, reaching up to run his fingers through Phil's hair. "I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much in like, a day," he whispered. It was true--he was struggling to control himself and keep himself from shoving Phil down on the bed.

Phil hummed softly with a small smile. "I missed you too, love," he whispered, feeling Dan shiver in his arms at the pet name. He kissed him more deeply, sucking lightly on his tongue and pressing their hips together.

Dan whined softly, grabbing for his waist. His cock twitched and he melted into the kiss, his head going foggy. The only thing on his mind was Phil.

Phil smirked a bit. "So eager baby," he whispered between kisses, gently grinding forward.

Dan whimpered against his mouth. "Yeah, I'm eager, sue me," he muttered. "I haven't touched you in ages."

"It's been like three days since we've fooled around you deviant," Phil teased him.

Dan rolled his eyes, gently shoving him against the bed. "Shut up." He pouted at him.

Phil fell back and grinned up at him, holding out his arms. Despite his teasing, he was just as hard as Dan, the shape of his cock clear through his trousers.

Dan fell into his arms, straddling his waist and immediately grinding down on him. He moaned, leaning over to connect their lips.

Phil whined and bucked up, kissing him roughly and revelling in the taste of them. He grabbed his hips to steady them as he set a slow, teasing rhythm. "Can I..." he blushed and broke off before trying again. "Can I suck you?" They hadn't progressed any further than jerking each other off, but he wanted to so badly.

Dan let out a whine. "Oh god, yeah," he breathed, rolling off him.

Phil groaned and immediately unbuttoned Dan's pants, tugging them down and off. He palmed him through his grey briefs, slow and teasing.

Dan keened, angling his hips to get more, aching. "Oh yeah, take your time," he hissed, his tone laced with sarcasm, even though he would take whatever Phil gave him.

"That's the plan," Phil replied mildly, leaning forward and nuzzling gently at the crease of Dan's thigh, breathing him in with a low moan.

Dan closed his eyes, shaking. He was overwhelmed with want, but also nerves---he had never done something like this before. "Jesus..."

Phil reached up and took Dan's hand, intertwining their fingers. "Are you alright? Is this okay?"

Dan nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, yeah. It's g-good." He licked his lips. "Just nervous, fuck."

Phil nodded, leaning up a bit and softly licking one of Dan's hipbones. He kissed over his stomach, brushing his fingertips up and down Dan's inner thighs, getting him desperate.

Dan squirmed, writhing under his touch and whining. "Oh my god, p-please..."

Phil palmed him again before finally hooking his fingers into his briefs and tugging them off. He gasped when Dan's cock sprang free and hit his chin, leaving a slick steak of precum.

Dan giggled through his breathy noises. "Suck me off, you dork," he muttered, his voice fond.

Phil poked his side and pouted at him. "Don't laugh at me when I'm about to put your dick in my mouth," he chastised him, wrapping his hand around the base of his cock to steady it and just letting himself look for a moment. Dan made an impatient sound and Phil growled softly at him, low in his throat.

Dan's hips jumped, and he reached down, tangling his fingers in Phil's hair. He met his eyes. "Please..."

Phil shivered and nodded. He pressed his tongue flat against the tip of Dan's cock, tasting precum, and licked slowly over his frenulum and slit. Then he wrapped his lips around the head, sucking softly and maintaining eye contact.

Dan moaned loudly, tugging gently at his hair. "Oh _fuck_..."

Phil was so hard it hurt but he didn't touch himself, wanting to focus entirely on Dan. He wanted to hear more of those beautiful sounds, and he took more of his length til the tip of Dan's cock made him gag a bit; he was still determined though, and he didn't pull back.

Dan was watching him with wide eyes; he was in heaven. "Oh my god, Phil..." he tried to keep his hips from moving, panting breathlessly. "Fuck-!"

Phil swallowed around him, throat tightening around his cock, and managed to take another couple inches. He was almost taking Dan's whole cock and he hummed softly, pleased with himself.

"Good boy," Dan got out, whimpering. "Holy shit, your mouth... t-taking me so good."

Phil whimpered and drooled a bit, spurred on by the praise, and pushed down the last inch or so, his nose buried in the curls at the base. He squeezed his hips and swallowed around him a couple more times to try to keep from drooling any more.

Dan shallowly rocked into his mouth, his desperation taking over. "Shit..." he tugged at his hair, moaning. "I'm c-close, you're so good baby, doing such a good job, fuck."

Phil started bobbing his head, eager to taste Dan's cum, and moaned around him. He was throbbing and his hips rolled against nothing.

Dan's breath caught and he pulled him down hard without meaning to. "Fuck!" He chanted his name with every breath, thrusting into his throat and bringing himself to the edge.

Phil gasped when Dan tugged him down roughly and he squeezed his eyes shut, choking a bit as Dan fucked his throat--but god, he loved it. He loved every fucking moment of it. He slid a hand around and grabbed Dan's ass, pulling him deeper.

Dan keened and then he was cumming, letting go with a gasp of Phil's name and a litany of curses.

Phil swallowed as best he could but some dripped out of the corners of his mouth. When Dan finally relaxed, he pulled off, sure he looked an absolute mess with cum running down his chin and tears in his eyes, his hair messy from where Dan's hands had tangled in it.

Dan stared at him. "Fuck," he breathed, pulling him up and kissing him firmly, whining against his lips. "You're so fucking gorgeous."

Phil moaned breathily and kissed back, biting down on his lower lip and grinding down frantically against his hip. "Please please _please_ ," he begged.

Dan palmed him through the clothes. "What do you want, baby," he asked breathlessly.

"Anything, fuck, I'm not gonna last long," Phil breathed, squirming under Dan's touch.

Dan smiled, flipping him over so he was on his back, his head almost hanging off the end of the bed. He nearly ripped off every layer keeping him from his cock, and instantly lowered himself, licking over his slit and tasting his precum.

Phil gasped raggedly, toes curling, and bucked up automatically. " _Dan_!" He cried out, pulling at his curls.

Dan moaned around him, bobbing his head until he could take all of him, swallowing around him. "Mmh..."

"I'm gonna cum, fuck Dan I--oh god," Phil whined, rolling his hips up again.

Dan dug his nails into Phil's hip, dragging them down his thigh. He was desperate to make him cum harder than he ever had, and he took him all the way, swallowing and licking anywhere he could reach. He met his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering.

Phil shouted Dan's name as his back arched and he came, spilling down Dan's throat. He trembled through it, letting out a stream of moans interspersed with Dan's name, and finally collapsed back, sweating and panting.

Dan didn't swallow, instead leaning up to kiss him roughly, shoving his tongue into his mouth and moaning.

Phil groaned and swallowed his own cum, kissing back fiercely. He ran his nails down Dan's back and shuddered.

Dan collapsed on top of him, nearly draped over him. "Holy shit," he mumbled when he could talk again.

"Yeah," Phil murmured back, squeezing him tightly. "I love you..." he added hesitantly.

"I love you too," Dan answered clearly, his breath coming heavy against Phil's chest.

Phil beamed and kissed the top of Dan's head, holding onto him. "You're perfect..."

Dan laughed. "I doubt that a lot. You, however..."

"We're perfect for each other," Phil corrected gently.

Dan grinned crookedly, nodding. "Yeah..." he sighed. "I think you're right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading pals, hit me with those sweet sweet comments and I'll do my best to respond! I have a whole lot going on in my life right now but believe me, writing is still very much a priority for me, and I just got a new laptop that is an absolute joy to type on so I may be writing more anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a comment and I'll love you forever.


End file.
